Soon it will be July

[newstart]

I hope everyone is well. Going through summer and enjoying all the sunshine and swimming. Nothing like swimming in the pool to calm my restless nerves. My daughter is 42 years old. Somedays she can be kind and other days a lying A.H. I have no idea how anyone can be with her on a regular basis. I have no idea how a decent person can try to make a relationship work with her. We went shopping, she had a bunch of gift cards and told me to put what ever I wanted in her cart. I put a bottle of nail hardner, a brand that I have looked all over for and really wanted. That is all I put in her cart. When we get to my house, I can't find the nail hardner. She said she does not know where it went. I think she took it out of the cart when I was not looking. What a crappy thing to do. Then we went to vote on a neighborhood election, she signed my name and took my ticket to win a door prize. I had asked her last month if she filled out her form to vote and she said she did but then when we got there she was not on the list and had to fill it out there. I know these are small things but tons of them are enough to cause deep harm. It's one after another of these small, highly irritating things that sends me to the moon. Years ago it was tons of these small things plus very large damaging things. How can she continue to lie and do things like that and it not affect her inner soul? She is difficult even as she is better than years ago. Years ago I was planning on moving and not leaving a forward address, yes it was that bad.
And then the mania subsides and she is sweet and kind and my momma heart is ignorant and want to believe that it will be good like this from here on out but that is not the case. Even though she is toxic, rude, and a liar she does not affect me as deeply as my bipolar sister in law. When having contact with the sister in law, I get acid reflux, headaches, bleeding hemmoroids and depression, even when she calls and talks to my husband her brother. I am so allergic to her. And I am also allergic to my daughter but on a lesser level.
I think with my daughter, I know she loves me when she is not manic. With the sister in law she is alway hateful. I once said to my bipolar sister in law 'Don't you ever get tired of being so damn mean? then I said I bet it gives you immense please to harm someone. I really believe that some bipolar people are also sadistic and it is satisfying for them to harm someone. I think it maybe a sexual thing. I remember one time my sister in law was yelling and screaming and being demonic to me and when I looked at her face it was almost like she was having some sort of sexual pleasure. It was horrific to say the least. I would be very happy if I was far away and did not have to deal with this nasty up and down stuff. Even with my own life with my own interests this awful stuff filters into my life. Lies do nothing but destroy everything and everyone.
Other than fighting the usual BS I am doing ok.

 

[lovemysons]

Newstart I am sorry your daughter and sister in law who have mental illness are so toxic.
I have bipolar disorder and consider myself a good person. Not perfect. But I do try and treat people as I would like to be treated.
The golden rule…do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Unfortunately in my case, my kindness is not reciprocated and I believe is viewed as weakness.

I have a problem with narcissists. Those who never take responsibility for their own behavior and blame my anger at them as something having to do with my bipolar disorder. My mom and now a former “friend “ are like this.
I am letting these people go as they destroy my inner peace and cause me to question my self worth.

I hope for both of us we can come to terms with these type of people who do nothing it seems but hurt us.

May we find peace.

 

[newstart]

lovemysons I know several people with bipolar that do not hurt others. I think the bipolars in my husbands family have something mixed with it like narcissisim or even psychopathy. After much study I think a few of these people are psychopaths during mania but only during mania so they are not full psychopaths. I think the term is call part time psychopaths. Lord knows I have studied this and read all I can. I have a friend that I love dearly he is kind, funny and so intelligent. He was diagnoised with bipolar in his late 50s. I think everyone is on some spectrum sometime in their life. My daughter does obvious things that are harmful and then tells me I am a when I get angry.
Yes, let us find people that are good for our souls. Surround ourselves with goodness.

 

[Crayola14]

You’re right about some people getting pleasure out of being mean. These people aren’t right in the head.

There are also people who don’t have the ability to be happy no matter how good their lives are.

 

[newstart]

Thank you Crayola 14. Today my daughter's mania may have subsided because she said she was going to buy me the nail polish hardner on line. I think she thought about what a crappy thing she did and tried to make it right. Even though she offered to buy the nail polish on line, the waste of time and gas lighting she did is awful. I have no idea how someone can partner with someone like that. There is no way I could deal on an every day basis with a person like her. I can't think of any time in my life where I thought that kind of behavior was ok even as a young teenager. But on the bright side it shows that she has a conscious if she tries to back track and make it right but still the waste of time!

 

[Copabanana]

I can't find the nail hardner. She said she does not know where it went. I think she took it out of the cart when I was not looking. What a crappy thing to do

I think this would be so hurtful. To set you up and deflate you. But it's more than that. You are left without something you very much wanted. You would have gladly purchased this for yourself. What a pity that she causes so much hurt over such small things.

newstart? How did the visit go from your inlaw relative?

 

[newstart]

Hi Copa, Thanks for asking. The visit with the relative went much better than I expected. He has mellowed out through the years and was not self rightious or talked down to us. This was a miracle of sorts. I prayed hard because the thought of him coming grieved me to the bone. I even thought of leaving my husband for inviting him down. About the nail polish/hardner, I even told my daughter to not worry about using her gift cards for my purchase I will gladly pay for it, she said no I have plenty of gift cards to pay for it. I only put one item in her cart! She then said you can get what ever you want, of course that is a nice thing to say but she knows I would only get one item if anything at all.

I watched a youtube on Sydney Powell, an intelligent pretty girl that lied a lot to her parents and ended up killing her mom because her mom was suspecting the Sydneywas lying to her about going to college. During my daughters college years there were many times I feared for my life, I did keep my distance and things got very ugly. The video of Sydney growing up was so much like my daughter, exectional grades, a strong leader in the community etc etc and from that to being filled with demons.

How are you Copa? Any improvements with your son? He is getting up there in age, hopefully he is doing better. Hopefully you have been well. Big gigantic hug to you.