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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 632403" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome H&J. I'm glad you posted. Even though you are not the parent, you certainly are living in the difficult child world with the rest of us. And, for that I am sorry, it's a tough road.</p><p></p><p>My first impression is that you and your husband would likely be well served to get in to some kind of marital therapy. Having a grown adult troubled, addicted, mentally ill child will put a huge strain on a relationship. Adding the ex wife in as the judger and blamer adds fuel to a smoldering fire.</p><p></p><p>You may also invite your husband to check into NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which you can access online. They have many chapters. They offer excellent courses for parents. You might print out the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here and offer it to your husband and his ex.</p><p></p><p>I believe you have a right to offer up your feelings of how you believe your ex is responding to the situation and how that impacts you. difficult child's take up all the air in a room with the drama and chaos they create, so having good communication between the two of you is essential. In my opinion, free expression without blame and judgement is necessary for us to sustain intimacy. Withholding our feelings creates distance and a wedge between us. That's where counseling can help.</p><p></p><p>You can also attend Al Anon, or Narc Anon or Families Anonymous groups in your area, many find great solace in these supportive environments.</p><p></p><p>Chaos, drama, blame and bad feelings may continue around you, but you can find support for yourself in the midst of it all...........I believe that will make a huge difference. You are really powerless in this situation, as your husband is, to attempt to fix this for his son. Only his son can do that. </p><p></p><p>You're in a tough spot, in the middle of the fray, however not one of the major players. You're being just as impacted by all of it too. If I were in your shoes I would do my best to communicate my feelings to my husband without blame or judgement, express all of what I am feeling and make the request for the two of you to seek counseling. Then you will hopefully become a united front capable of withstanding the blows the son and the ex throw at you, with compassion and grace........ and without it harming your husband. </p><p></p><p>If your husband won't go for help, then get support for yourself so you can find your own way through all of this. I'm sorry you find yourself in this place. I'm glad you're here. Keep posting, it does help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 632403, member: 13542"] Welcome H&J. I'm glad you posted. Even though you are not the parent, you certainly are living in the difficult child world with the rest of us. And, for that I am sorry, it's a tough road. My first impression is that you and your husband would likely be well served to get in to some kind of marital therapy. Having a grown adult troubled, addicted, mentally ill child will put a huge strain on a relationship. Adding the ex wife in as the judger and blamer adds fuel to a smoldering fire. You may also invite your husband to check into NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which you can access online. They have many chapters. They offer excellent courses for parents. You might print out the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here and offer it to your husband and his ex. I believe you have a right to offer up your feelings of how you believe your ex is responding to the situation and how that impacts you. difficult child's take up all the air in a room with the drama and chaos they create, so having good communication between the two of you is essential. In my opinion, free expression without blame and judgement is necessary for us to sustain intimacy. Withholding our feelings creates distance and a wedge between us. That's where counseling can help. You can also attend Al Anon, or Narc Anon or Families Anonymous groups in your area, many find great solace in these supportive environments. Chaos, drama, blame and bad feelings may continue around you, but you can find support for yourself in the midst of it all...........I believe that will make a huge difference. You are really powerless in this situation, as your husband is, to attempt to fix this for his son. Only his son can do that. You're in a tough spot, in the middle of the fray, however not one of the major players. You're being just as impacted by all of it too. If I were in your shoes I would do my best to communicate my feelings to my husband without blame or judgement, express all of what I am feeling and make the request for the two of you to seek counseling. Then you will hopefully become a united front capable of withstanding the blows the son and the ex throw at you, with compassion and grace........ and without it harming your husband. If your husband won't go for help, then get support for yourself so you can find your own way through all of this. I'm sorry you find yourself in this place. I'm glad you're here. Keep posting, it does help. [/QUOTE]
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