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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 632414" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Your husband is in a bad place, however many of us develop what we used to call on this board...RHINO SKIN...lol. That means we become haredened to what family/friends think about our grown children who are so difficult. Your husband doesn't have to broadcast what is going on to anybody. He also doesn't have to answer the phone with ex, as you pointed out. He doesn't have to listen to his family's remarks. In fact, his family would probably find most of us on this board horrible because almost all of us do nothing for our grown children, feeling that doing nothing is the best thing for everybody. He will either learn to detach from hi s family as well or he will keep doing meaningless stuff for his son just so he can look good in the eyes of those who have no clue what it is actually like to HAVE a grown child who acts like a toddler emotionally. Many of us have had to put up with criticism from the clueless...family and friends. Often we need to detach from them as well as from our adult children. Your husband may learn one day that he can say, "Look, I love you, but I am not going to discuss "Joe" with you. If you persist in talking to me about "Joe" I will gently hang up. That topic is off limits between us." And maybe he will learn that he can't control the gossip that swirls around him and step away from it. He is also a grown man and it shouldn't matter what Dad, Mom, sis, bro, auntie Millie, kissing cousin or the cat think about what he does. But, again, he may take that walk, he may not. I never had to as my family was not close. But many people here do have to change how we deal with our "two cents" family members as well as change how we interact with our difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Hugs again and hang in there. Usually the grown adult child eventually is so intolerable and burns so many bridges even with once supportive relatives that everyone gets it. If not, WE, directly involved, get it and step away because we finally lose any patience we had. And some people are 80 and still supporting an abusive, drug addicted, sick 60 year old son or daughter. Those sad people never really had a life at all. The people on this board do not want to be in the latter category so you will read a lot about detachment here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 632414, member: 1550"] Your husband is in a bad place, however many of us develop what we used to call on this board...RHINO SKIN...lol. That means we become haredened to what family/friends think about our grown children who are so difficult. Your husband doesn't have to broadcast what is going on to anybody. He also doesn't have to answer the phone with ex, as you pointed out. He doesn't have to listen to his family's remarks. In fact, his family would probably find most of us on this board horrible because almost all of us do nothing for our grown children, feeling that doing nothing is the best thing for everybody. He will either learn to detach from hi s family as well or he will keep doing meaningless stuff for his son just so he can look good in the eyes of those who have no clue what it is actually like to HAVE a grown child who acts like a toddler emotionally. Many of us have had to put up with criticism from the clueless...family and friends. Often we need to detach from them as well as from our adult children. Your husband may learn one day that he can say, "Look, I love you, but I am not going to discuss "Joe" with you. If you persist in talking to me about "Joe" I will gently hang up. That topic is off limits between us." And maybe he will learn that he can't control the gossip that swirls around him and step away from it. He is also a grown man and it shouldn't matter what Dad, Mom, sis, bro, auntie Millie, kissing cousin or the cat think about what he does. But, again, he may take that walk, he may not. I never had to as my family was not close. But many people here do have to change how we deal with our "two cents" family members as well as change how we interact with our difficult child. Hugs again and hang in there. Usually the grown adult child eventually is so intolerable and burns so many bridges even with once supportive relatives that everyone gets it. If not, WE, directly involved, get it and step away because we finally lose any patience we had. And some people are 80 and still supporting an abusive, drug addicted, sick 60 year old son or daughter. Those sad people never really had a life at all. The people on this board do not want to be in the latter category so you will read a lot about detachment here. [/QUOTE]
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