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Parent Emeritus
Sorry I have been lurking
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 632420" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>You and husband are the victims in a pretty typical game of "It aint my fault."</p><p></p><p>This happens in every family to one degree or another. It is a very hurtful, pointless, destructive game which does not help the addicted child. It does enable everyone else to take that holier than thou position family members (and ex wives) with other, unrelated axes to grind so typically do take.</p><p></p><p>You and your husband are not responsible for their stupid insistence on blaming instead of actually doing something to help, or for their sly and petty meanness to husband behind his back. </p><p></p><p>That is their shame, not his.</p><p></p><p>You are not responsible, and have zero control or even, input into what other people think.</p><p></p><p>Again, how they comport themselves in the face of your family's tragedy is on them.</p><p></p><p>I will say that my family and husband's, were the same way at first. I think that initially, this is a defense of "our side" come out of love. As time passes, at least in my family, those who may have been jealous or whom you have hurt, however unintentionally, will often use the vulnerability you feel over how this could have happened to your child to destroy you, to hurt and denigrate you. </p><p></p><p>It's best to acknowledge the fact of their motivations and respond accordingly. </p><p></p><p>You are here with us, now. </p><p></p><p>You aren't alone with any of it, anymore. </p><p></p><p>And that makes all the difference. </p><p></p><p>:0)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 632420, member: 17461"] You and husband are the victims in a pretty typical game of "It aint my fault." This happens in every family to one degree or another. It is a very hurtful, pointless, destructive game which does not help the addicted child. It does enable everyone else to take that holier than thou position family members (and ex wives) with other, unrelated axes to grind so typically do take. You and your husband are not responsible for their stupid insistence on blaming instead of actually doing something to help, or for their sly and petty meanness to husband behind his back. That is their shame, not his. You are not responsible, and have zero control or even, input into what other people think. Again, how they comport themselves in the face of your family's tragedy is on them. I will say that my family and husband's, were the same way at first. I think that initially, this is a defense of "our side" come out of love. As time passes, at least in my family, those who may have been jealous or whom you have hurt, however unintentionally, will often use the vulnerability you feel over how this could have happened to your child to destroy you, to hurt and denigrate you. It's best to acknowledge the fact of their motivations and respond accordingly. You are here with us, now. You aren't alone with any of it, anymore. And that makes all the difference. :0) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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