Sorry I have been MIA . .

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kathy813, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello all,

    Sorry I haven't been around. First it was the busy end to first semester and then husband and I went out of town for a couple of days to celebrate his new job. After being unemployed for almost three years, husband was just hired to teach math at my school! He decided after a couple of years of unemployment that the corporate world was just not going to hire someone close to 60. He decided to change careers and went back to school to get his teaching certificate since he had a math degree.

    He was hired a month ago to teach part-time but they called him right after we got out of school and asked if he would be interested in switching to full-time next semester.

    So while it is a third of what he used to make, he is working and happy. Hooray!

    We spent a couple of days at The Inn at Christmas Place (a beautiful hotel decorated for Christmas year round) in Pigeon Forge and spent a day at Dollywood looking at the Christmas lights and seeing the shows.

    difficult child is still "looking" for a job. She had an interview Tuesday at a retail store and thinks it went well. In the meantime, we are wondering if we should set a deadline for a job since she is draining our savings with us having to totally support her. The only thing holding me back is the bad economy. I know how hard it is to find a job.

    She is coming over on Christmas Eve and spending the night. easy child will be here, too. I am hoping for a peaceful Christmas.

  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Good for husband. I am still looking for work (that fits my schedule) and it IS hard. As for difficult child, I don't know that I would set a deadline but realistic expectations about how many applications to TURN IN each week would be reasonable. That would take the economy into account. Just out of curiosity, why are YOU paying her bills, etc? If it is draining you, you need to help her find financial assistance somewhere. There are many gov't programs but she has to be willing to apply and follow the rules. She apparently needs stronger motivation to job hunt. Having the "honey pot" dry up would do it.

    Hope your Christmas goes well.
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Our agreement was that if she went to rehab and then a halfway house we would support her until she could find a job and get on her feet. difficult child did apply for food stamps but was told it was very hard to qualify as a single person and that they would not give them to more than a certain number of people at the same address. Since so many at the halfway house are on food stamps, she would have to lie that she lived somewhere else even if she did qualify.

    As far as other government assistance, much of that seems to have dried up, too. The only help she is currently able to find is her mental health care that is provided by a clinic for low income people. Do you know of any other programs that a single person would qualify for in Georgia?

    The programs I have found online seem to be for families or children. Besides, I would really prefer that she get a job and learn to live as an independent adult that doesn't need to rely on us or the government.

  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    You have a point. I was just throwing out ideas. Here in MN we have government sponsored Section 8 housing in some of the larger cities. Whole apartment buildings where your rent is based on your income. Anything like that there?

    I guess all you can do is set specific expectations as to what "looking for a job" means. Personally, it would mean VERY active and aggressive (for lack of a better term) seeking for ANY job not "THE" job. My parents always told me beggars can't be choosers and in your daughter's case, her past choices have led her to be a "beggar" so to speak when it comes to employment.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I've been wondering how things were going with your family. Thanks for the update. Sounds like she may have stabilized a bit lately which is good news. Fingers crossed that the four of you can have a happy holiday together, Kathy. Merry Christmas. DDD
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    As far as working goes, she could go down to the employment security office and see about the WIA program I believe it is called. They try to help get people hooked up with employers or training. I believe Star is the person who told me about it. Also, I do know that FS only help adults without kids or who arent disabled for 3 months consecutively in a year and they make the person do job searching.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Congrats to husband on the new job.

    I might not set a date to have a job per se, but I think perhaps setting a certain amt of apps turned in? Although with her living elsewhere I don't know how you'd be able to keep track of such things other than her word. But you could perhaps say she needs to be actively volunteering her time somewhere until she finds work. It would keep her busy and give her a current reference. win/win

    Here you can go down to where welfare is located and there is an office there for the county to where people can get matched up with jobs, they even provide computers and staff to help with job searches.....and they take down a long list of any possible marketable skills you might have to help with the matchups. Not sure if you have something like that there are not via the county.

    And here, we don't have much trouble getting welfare for singles. But then again this is a poor area normally and now with the economy so down in the dumpster it's been made much more severe. Not sure how long the benefits last but I do know you have to show proof you're searching for employment.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Congrats to husband! I'm glad you two were able to do something for yourselves and enjoy a small celebration and just get away from it all for a couple of days. I hope your difficult child stays on the right track. I don't know about the job issue so have no advice- it's tough out there these days, as you well know. I like the idea of requiring her to put in a min number of apps each week. Believe it or not, I found the job I currently have by listing all my abilities on cra***list and asking for employment. It's not the money I used to earn but I was in a similar situation as your husband so I had to do something. Of course, if she takes that route a lot of caution is in order until you and she know for sure it's a safe and legitimate job. She could advertise for house cleaning, pet sitting, whatever she's able to do until a 'real' job opens up. Actually, if it was me and my son, I'd probably require him to do volunteer work until he found a paying job.
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy is every resident in this halfway house on their own for food or do they buy food and share or make dinners for the residents? In difficult child's first sober house they did not have to buy any food. There were approx 24 women living there and every omonth they rotated who cooked. They got donations of food from local businesses and food banks and people often dropped food off for them. It was a huge relief to us and saved us a bundle. I would often go to costco and pick up some bulk items and bring it there. Last summer I bought several huge packages of ground beef and a ham and gave it to them. If each resident has to buy her own food that would get very expensive quickly.

    Jobs are very hard to come by especially in retail right now. Is the halfway house helping with any leads? Through the sober community and AA meetings she should be able to get some ideas on where to look. It's very common to have several sober girls working at the same place. There are even sober employers who will hire people from the sober houses. She should check around and ask. Some of the women difficult child knows work at telemarketing jobs. I know its not ideal but it's a job and it gives you something for your resume.

    Glad to see you back.

  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This has got to be wearing on you. I keep trying to think about what you can do. I know she has the hair salon experience. Did she ever actually get the diploma or whatever they get in that? Could she possibly get some sort of job in the hair field? Maybe even working in something like Sally's?
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy, as far as I know, each resident is responsible for their own food. Janet, she did finish hair school but has let her license lapse (against our advice, of course). She would have to start as an assistant and work her way back. However, she did not "like" doing hair and says that she cannot find an assistant's job anywhere.

    I know that the sober house encourages them to work or be actively looking for a job. How much she is actually out looking is the question. Her concept of "looking" for a job is to answer ads on Craig's list. I told her that face-to-face would be much more effective and that she should be out every day giving out resumes and asking in person if the store/hair salon/etc is hiring.

    I'm going to bring it up over Christmas but I think I'll wait until she is about to leave. I don't want to trigger a blow-up during the holiday visit.
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    How are the holidays going Kathy?
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Steely. Thanks for asking. I just added a long post about our holiday with difficult child in Nancy's thread. I hope your holiday went well.