C
Confused
Guest
Thank you all for your help, and I wish you all luck and better days ahead. I know I said I wouldn't be on last time, and came on again. But I now have figured it out. So I don't need to be on anymore. SADLY, i do feel sorry for myself and wander why my life is this way. Why God gave me two kids who hate me? I do not work,(looking for work) have help from the government and family..maybe this is where it started. (of course i know and met many parents who are in the same situation and their kids don't hate them or at least don't act like this). I have been in school,caring for my kids and grandfather. I have played with them,fed them,thought I was teaching them right, I love them with all my heart. I don't go out to date, I don't get in trouble, i have good friends, private school, which apparently didn't help me teach them respect and about God and how to obey and be thankful for what they have and receive. I tried to teach them to help others. Now, I have yelled back, yes. But after them 24/7 physically fighting and or yelling.. ya I yelled! My kids, their father and that shrink my son saw said its all my fault. It is . My 11 year old says im the worst ever, she would rather be dead than live with me, my son feels the same. Their father as I said before will let them drink,go wherever and whenever they want. Stay up until whenever, etc. Now, I am obese, and it is true it has held me back like on this overnight trip I finally went on with them. My dad insisted to go. It was a living hell, they fought all the way there, there, and all the way back. Even hit each other in a fight at a restaurant. I couldn't hike like I wanted to because of my weight. I looked on the scale and gained 20 more pounds in the last 5 months(stress eater). I thought I lost some, but my clothes were the biggest ones I had, already stretched( I put my new clothes on,same size didn't fit it). My 11 year old feels she has the right to stay up all night long ,even on school nights. Create a chat for a game on the computer, stay on the computer all day and night, even after she begs and agrees to do piano later never does. Next day same thing. Oh its a battle for her to shower and even wash her hair correctly..doesn't get it wet or wet enough or put enough shampoo if any). I am not that way! I believe in staying clean! I have taken away privileges and stuff doesn't work. They have no respect for my schoolwork to be done but yet my daughter worries for her grade and her perfect attendance. My son got mad earlier and started his hitting thing again. He hit the cage,then me. Im sorry to go on and on. You have heard this from me before. The books (i have Dr. Green's book Explosive child) cant do anything for me. They are their father with no turning back. They have no concern for others feelings. I do believe they have no compassion or concern for anyone but themselves. I love this so much, this really hurts. Im scared how their future will be, will they be in jail,prison? I do see it for both at this point. They have not stole from anyone, but the words that come out of the mouth, the lack of helping and concern etc... I dread when I take them places, I dont even want to go without them because I have no "get up and go". Im tired, have nightmares, am so confused. I have missed some school assignments (all online or I wouldn't be able to do it at all)because of my kids constant fighting. I just don't know what to say or do. At this point they will enjoy their dad, as their dad will enjoy getting the kids so I can pay HIM the child support. I love them so much, I love them. My life is my kids. But what now, I try talking to them in different ways, different places and times. I compromise at least I thought I was. I don't know............