sort of feel bad for difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sjexpress, Mar 29, 2012.

  1. sjexpress

    sjexpress Guest

    at the beginning of 6th grade this year he found out that there is a junior honor society you can apply to at the end of the school year if you've kept your grades up above a certain avg. each quarter and met some other requirements like school and community service, etc... He wants this bad...husband and I are not pushing him at all because we know that if it does not work out, we all suffer! He's done well the 1st 2 quarters and we are coming to the end of the 3rd. He's grades are good but he has a few big tests coming up that if he doesn't do well, could drop him below the requirement by a point or so. He is stressing big time about this and of course is anxious thru the roof. Today he has one of those tests in SS and it involves a few chapters so is alot to remember. He and I did study and I believe he knows it but he woke up crying his stomach hurt and was refusing to go to school! Now if this was a one time thing, it would not be so bad, but he does this quite often to the point he has way too many latenesses and absences! He missed the bus because of his carrying on so I told him to get into the car. Drove him to school where he refused to get out of the car screaming and crying that he is sick, I don't believe him, I hate him, etc.... Finally I told him that if he does not get out and into school, I will go into the school and get some help and if he does not listen to them, I will allow them to call the police as not going to school is against the law! He sort of got himself together and went into school but not before telling me he was going to fail the test on purpose just to upset me!! ( I did not even respond to that, like who will be more hurt if his grade is bad, duh)
    I know he is nervous and I wish he didn't put this pressure on himself for the dumb honor society but I can't take the frequent refusing to go to school issues! Last time he did this and did not get out of the car at school, I drove to the police station, parked, opened the door and difficult child freaked so bad and swore if I just drive back to the school he'd get out and go, which he did, but still, why should it have to be this way??!! I feel awful, he is a mess, etc.... I am sure many of you understand!
    I am thinking of calling his guidance counselor who I know difficult child likes. Other than excessive lateness and absences, he has no trouble at school so I am not sure if I should get them involved? What's your opinions on this? I can't imagine this situation getting better especially as the last quarter of school arrives and then comes final exams and all. Thanks for the input.

  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Well, "Honor Society" is a positive goal that I would support - but, I agree that it's not a good idea to emphasize it too much...

    Is there a study group that meets at school? (So many schools have them these days...) I think if you could get him into one of these study groups that meet regularly after school, it might help a bit with the test anxiety. The groups meet to review material and help with homework regardless of the workload - so the kids are constantly "studying" one way or another. And even if he didn't make the Honor Society this time around, it should help improve his grades PLUS surround him with other smart, studious kids...

    Just a thought.
  3. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I would definitely speak to guidance counselor on this issue. First of all because he does have all these absences and being late already. I'm sure it's not a good thing and it would be good to go on record explaining it now before it's too late. Most, if not all schools have policies on absences these days and it could come back on you. Secondly because I'm sure that the school has dealt with this issue before and they may be of assistance in helping you handle it. They might have some ideas. At the minimum you have some back up for when, not if, this happens again.

    Sounds like definite test anxiety which is fairly common as well.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Call the guidance counselor. They want to know when the kids come to school and are a mess about something. At least difficult child's does. He will call difficult child down to the office and talk him through it so that he can get through the school day reasonably well.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    If he likes the counselor that is a bonus, for sure I would use him. This kind of pattern is NO FUN....(living lots of things like this right now....forcing my kid to comply thru ultimatums really blows). I hope the counselor can help find ways to reduce the test anxiety and support his goal. I agree you want to get it on record that you are trying to work on the late arrivals and absences because you really can end up with a huge problem legally in some schools. Hope he can get some support ... love the study group idea, if they dont have one maybe the counselor would be willing to set one up??
  6. keista

    keista New Member

    Is he working with a therapist? If so make this a primary issue/project. If not find one to help you out. In a nutshell, he's sabotaging himself and ultimately "cutting off his nose to spite his face".

    What he needs to do is now, that it's all over, figure out what he could have done differently and start practicing that. Create a plan of what he should do on these types of occasions. Have it all split up in steps so he could measure his success (or failure) each time of successfully going through x number of steps, then y number then z etc.

    I still go through this with son every time he stresses over science now (finally done with the algebra that almost 'killed' him)
  7. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    SJ, I totally understand where you are coming from. My difficult child is in the same place. We just has to compromise with her about going to school today. She was doing really well until she broke her wrist, and can't write. It is so stressful and frustrating. I wish I had some answers for you. I would definitely call the guidance counselor and let them know what is going on. Most of the time they can help.
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I would speak with the gc as well. In our district, having excessive tardies would disqualify a kid from NJHS (unless there is a medical reason).