spanking a child
- Thread starter scott4431
- Start date
I have just got to share the latest with difficult child and his bad language:
difficult child occasionally swears while playing the X-Box on line. The other day, I overheard him saying a different word but we all would recognize the swear word he was trying to cover up. He told the person on line, "Oh, I have to say this in case Mom is listening." So, a few minutes later, I walk into the room and say, "What is it that I have been hearing you say?" "You actually heard me????? You can hear me from the other room??????" "Yes, and I don't like it." "But I am not using swear words. They sound like the swear words but they are not." "Well, I don't really care what WORDS you use. They MEAN the same and that is not acceptable. It is not the word that makes the swearing but the intent."
I do like the soap covered finger in the mouth. Wish I would have figured that tool out when Diva was young. Maybe for those of us hesitating with soap we can think outside the box with other things. My kids may not like peas so that may be an alternative? have a baby food jar of mushed up creamy peas to rub in their mouths? (I would also never go with the hot spicy stuff - just find something that tastes awful but doesn't hurt).
I am surprised that the one therapist said to let the language slide. Bad language seems to build the worst paths in kids. Once the language is gone, the respect is totally lost, and the bad habit creeps into every bit of life causing problems with friends, at school, at work, ect.
difficult child occasionally swears while playing the X-Box on line. The other day, I overheard him saying a different word but we all would recognize the swear word he was trying to cover up. He told the person on line, "Oh, I have to say this in case Mom is listening." So, a few minutes later, I walk into the room and say, "What is it that I have been hearing you say?" "You actually heard me????? You can hear me from the other room??????" "Yes, and I don't like it." "But I am not using swear words. They sound like the swear words but they are not." "Well, I don't really care what WORDS you use. They MEAN the same and that is not acceptable. It is not the word that makes the swearing but the intent."
I do like the soap covered finger in the mouth. Wish I would have figured that tool out when Diva was young. Maybe for those of us hesitating with soap we can think outside the box with other things. My kids may not like peas so that may be an alternative? have a baby food jar of mushed up creamy peas to rub in their mouths? (I would also never go with the hot spicy stuff - just find something that tastes awful but doesn't hurt).
I am surprised that the one therapist said to let the language slide. Bad language seems to build the worst paths in kids. Once the language is gone, the respect is totally lost, and the bad habit creeps into every bit of life causing problems with friends, at school, at work, ect.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Oh, Step, lol!!!
Andy,
I hate it when therapists say to let xyz slide. It's not their home! They need to focus on the issue at hand. And this issue isn't "Swearing" per se, it was that you don't allow it in your house.
Some people think swearing is no big deal. Some people think that walking around nude is no big deal. Some people think it's a big deal to use a salad fork for salad and a big fork for the main course. So you do what THEY want because it's their house!!!
Argh.
Yes, I can see letting some things slide. There are many books we have recommended here that talk about that. But it's up to the parents to make those decisions, because they (we) are the ones who know our own limits, our expectations for respect, and what the outcome will be if we let whatever-it-is slide. I prefer the expresssion "choose your battles" over "let the swearing slide." Maybe typical teen's swearing, maybe it's not. But some rules cannot be broken. Others ... you can let slide.
I hope that makes sense.
Andy,
I hate it when therapists say to let xyz slide. It's not their home! They need to focus on the issue at hand. And this issue isn't "Swearing" per se, it was that you don't allow it in your house.
Some people think swearing is no big deal. Some people think that walking around nude is no big deal. Some people think it's a big deal to use a salad fork for salad and a big fork for the main course. So you do what THEY want because it's their house!!!
Argh.
Yes, I can see letting some things slide. There are many books we have recommended here that talk about that. But it's up to the parents to make those decisions, because they (we) are the ones who know our own limits, our expectations for respect, and what the outcome will be if we let whatever-it-is slide. I prefer the expresssion "choose your battles" over "let the swearing slide." Maybe typical teen's swearing, maybe it's not. But some rules cannot be broken. Others ... you can let slide.
I hope that makes sense.
Marguerite
Active Member
Cute. "soapbox".
It's also important to remember cultural differences here. As I mentioned, laws vary from place to place. I know spanking is illegal now in NZ. I suspect soap in the mouth is too. But not here, not yet. However, each case here gets judged individually and I prefer to stay below the radar.
As parents we use whatever we are permitted to use. And we do what works, where possible.
Marg
It's also important to remember cultural differences here. As I mentioned, laws vary from place to place. I know spanking is illegal now in NZ. I suspect soap in the mouth is too. But not here, not yet. However, each case here gets judged individually and I prefer to stay below the radar.
As parents we use whatever we are permitted to use. And we do what works, where possible.
Marg
Lucedaleblessed
Active Member
While legal, I would not recommend it. At some point the kids can out-power us and then it could end up very bad. There are tons of other disiplinary options which are more useful.
