Speaking of comfort zones...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jul 8, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    In another thread, Fran mentioned having her son drive a diff car to get him out of his comfort zone, and I really like that idea.

    This a.m., difficult child had a dermatology appointment for his eczema (on his face), and easy child had to drop us off at husband's ofc because his car is in the shop and he borrowed mine. The dermatologist is 2 blks away from his ofc.

    We were running late and we had a dental appointment for difficult child an hr later, and once you show up late for one thing, that starts the ball rolling and everything is late all day. So I told difficult child to run inside the dermatologist's ofc, check in, and show them the ins. card, and I would have easy child drop me off at my car. The ofc is a [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

    ''''''''single story bldg with-a garden
    444444444444 cxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx/ZEW#33333
    Hey, the cat is on my
    key board!

    Hold on-.

    After we pulled away, easy child commented on what a bad idea that was. I said, "You think I push him too hard, don't you?"
    She said, "Yes."

    If he didn't want to, he would have said so. He's not one to suffer in silence, ya know? :laugh:

    Since easy child did the guilt thing, I asked difficult child later if it bothered him to walk in alone and wait until I got there.
    He said, "No."

    Okay, I'll take his word for it.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If we didn't push our kids out of their comfort zones many of them would still be in giant snuggli's that we dragged around while feeding them bottles.

    easy child is not a parent. Let her offer opinions on her own kids. If seh doesn't like what you are doing then it means you are pushing HER out of HER comfort zone somewhat.

    That is an all-around good job, Warrior Mom!!! It is by being pushed out of comfort zones that we learn and grow.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Terry -

    If you don't push a little now - you're going to regret it and then say at 17 & 18 "Don't those boot prints of mine look AWFUL on those Dockers?

    Yeah - a nudge here and there is healthy.

  4. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Use it as an opportunity to praise him for being helpful, independent, and responsible. Heaven knows those moments don't come around often enough!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I spoke to husband, who agreed with-me. He, of course, had to point out that he was flying alone at age 12. Pfffft!
    You're right, easy child isn't a mom. She has her opinions. Boy, does she!
    LOL, Star.
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    When I could get my difficult child to start seperating from me in that way, it was like heaven. It truly is good for them to be independent in some areas. I have sent difficult child in to therapist appointment alone (up to 5th floor) when we were running late. I was minutes after him but even that was a good thing for him to do to overcome his fears (and for me to stop being so overly protective).

    My difficult child wants to wander the fairgrounds alone on next Friday night. True, it is a very small county fair with not much attendance but still, I am not too comfortable with it. He and bowling buddy will be hanging out at the fair during the day on Friday and I will request working the front gate next to the midway with instructions of lots and lots and lots of check-ins. (Maybe I will need to tie balloons to both boys and make sure they have bright bright color shirts on so I can see them from a distance)

    So, I say to difficult child, "How do you think you feel comfortable being alone at the fair at night but still panic at the thought of going to NYC with your aunt and uncle?" Even when I mentioned I would take him to the cities and leave him with his aunt and uncle for a few days as a trial run for the NYC trip, his anxiety spiked. He has come a long way but there is still work to do.

    I agree with you, as long as you feel it is safe for him to do and he is willing, it is a self esteem builder to do such things.

    I have the opposite with Diva. She will say that I should let difficult child do something like that and I would be the one to say "no" for whatever reason.
  7. lizanne2

    lizanne2 New Member

    Little pushes here and there are good....... and probably necessasry.

    I pushed my gfgf2 to take the train to NYC to NYC to meet gramma. Who was waiting in Penn Station. And then the train back. She was So VERY anxiuos.

    Turns out she had a great day and wants to go again. Good for gramma who recently retired and good for difficult child who recently officially attained difficult child status!

    USUALLY, difficult children have a way of letting us know it is too much!

    Well done all..............
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I thought so, or I wouldn't have done it to begin with. ;)
    Susiestar, LOL about the giant Snugglies!
  9. ML

    ML Guest

    Life with these kids truly is about pushing out those comfort zones. It can be so exhausting. I realized recently that I have to get better at experiencing meltdowns. If I avoid them I am not doing my job by pushing the comfort zones to expand them. A few feet out of the house at a time it seems some days.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yep. Good point.