Speaking of compulsive lying ...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, May 18, 2011.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Reading the note on General Parenting made me think to post this here.
    Sadly, I have a sister who is a compulsive liar. She is 8 yrs older than I am and was at one point a beauty queen, sorority sister, hotel PR rep and professional writer.
    Now ... she is lucky if she gets one writing job a yr, has lost her home twice, has gone bankrupt at least once, maybe twice, does not work but insists she is working for huge corporations and politicians, and really needs to get a job because her husband was diagnosis'd with-Parkinson's last yr.
    He just got a job but it's commission only.
    I suggested to my sister that she get a PT job at Lowe's or Home Depot, because she loves, loves, loves home improvement stuff, it's only PT, you could be a door greeter, and get full insurance coverage. I had a long chat with-a retired guy several mo's ago and he was so excited about that job. "All I have to do is stand here and talk to people and I get insurance coverage!" That way she could still write.
    But either she never applied or she didn't get accepted. I understand that now many biz do credit checks and if you have bad credit, it can ruin your chances of getting a job. Weird but true. So maybe that's what happened.
    Anyway, she's living in la-la land and she's lost her home and other jobs because of it.
    My sister used to be a kleptomaniac, but she's better now. We have called her on it several times and also have purchased the items she takes, so she can have her own. Her fave thing to steal was items from our purses--lipstick, gum--really stupid stuff. I read somewhere that kleptos are craving love or something dealing with-insecurity.
    The lying is insecurity as well, which I understand. But it's getting weird and worse. She drives the nurses and doctors crazy when she takes care of my dad, insisting she knows more than they do and questioning and arguing with-everything. It's embarrassing, to say the least.
    She always has to be the first one to know everything. (That is a trait my mother had and it was horrid--who cared if so-and-so was almost killed in a car accident--it's all about ME--knowing FIRST.)
    I just found out from husband and easy child that at Christmas, my sister told them that she had sat in on brain surgery.
    My heart is breaking.
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    'War' stories? YAY!

    husband is 3/4 Apache. Not just Apache, but the great, great, great grandson of Cochise. The Cochise line was on his Dad's side and his mother was 1/2 Apache, but from a different tribe than his dad. He still claims to be Apache. despite the fact that his mother, who died when he was in his 20s (circa 1970s), came to live with us back in 2007. She is 100%WASP. In her family reunion bio, she told us that her husband, husband's BD, was also a WASP. husband's father supposedly drank himself to death on Christmas the year before we met - 1994. After his mother was resurrected, and his two sisters, who also were dead were resurrected, we found his dad in MI still very much alive and still very much a WASP. His new "story" is that his mother obviously had an affair with an Apache man - a descendant of Cochise, so, OK, maybe he's just 1/2 Apache, but he's still Apache and the great, great, great grandson of Cochise.

    *He was valedictorian of his HS class NOT
    *He got full pop scholarship to college. Not just tuition, but books, lab fees, and room and board. However, to qualify he HAD to study psychology. Not even 1 semester
    *He went on to work on his Masters, but stopped when they started teaching about lobotomies. Not even 1 semester
    *He is a California State Certified Midwife - this one is scary because I'll give you all one guess who delivered my kids. I'll give you a hint: They were all born at home.
    *He's the BEST Dad (story wise, of course) We had a party years ago and due to the rain we moved everyone inside. He took care of the ppl and I took care of the stuff (our comfort zones). By the time I was done, and took a few minutes to decompress, I returned to the party with him telling tales of ho he'd been on the phone with his ex stepdaughter 3x per week for the lat two months helping her track down parts and fix a jetski for a competition. Sadly she only came in second, but not bad considering he couldn't be there with her to help out hands on. Reality is he hadn't seen or talked to the girl in over 10 years. Right now he barely even call for his kids' bdays, but I KNOW that if you asked his coworkers, they'd be able to relay stories f his awesome dadness.
    *He is an outstanding personal watercraft and motorcycle mechanic. This one is actually half true. He really is great when he's "on" but once all the lies he tells at work start catching up to him, he can't even do a tune up or oil change right, and then it's time to change jobs.

    These are just the big ones that I have proof of being lies. After he left I would catch myself saying, "Well, husband once told me that...." and realize that I have NO real facts about the man I spent 13 years with.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear! Especially the part about delivering your babies! I'm glad you didn't have any complications.

    Yes, my sister is a GREAT storyteller. She used to be a stand-up comic and if she had stayed with-it, could have done well. But as with-everything else, she never followed through. I think she did it 1/2 doz times and the group broke up.
    She is very entertaining and great fun at a party.
    So, are they looking for love and approval? Is it that simple?

    I've given up on getting love and approval from my family. I'd rather read a book.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This is my eldest brother. It's why I can't be around him, because it drives me insane. I have an overwhelming compulsion to call him out on every one of his lies.

    When it really gets scary is when they've told so many many lies, and sound so convincing, that family members who know better actually start believing them. I have spent hours reminding my mom that his lies are lies and I literally have to talk her through it so she can see it for herself. ugh

    If bro opens his mouth, it's a lie. Period. I've never known him to tell the truth about anything, even the most trivial things. As if that's not enough, he can't play a game (any game) without cheating, even when we call him on the cheating. double ugh

    Keista may I ask what is a WASP?? I'm probably having a duh moment but I can't figure out what you mean with the abbreviation.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Hound Dog, you must be all of 20-yrs-old if you don't know what a WASP is, lol!

    White Anglo Saxon Protestant
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Awwww I wanna be 20 yrs old! :rofl:

    And no, had no clue. I somehow made it to 47 without knowing that abbreviation. lol
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Okay, then I'll admit to being 53 and not knowing what PITA was until I came to this board ... and wrote a whole post about bipolar when the people were talking about borderline personality disorder ... BiPolar (BP) and Borderline (BPD). Argh.
    I lol all the time. :)
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    It amazes me how we all married the same man and never knew it....wow.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    No kidding, Shari...
  10. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    My brothers lies freak me out in there "sincerity". When I was pregnant with difficult child, my brother became violent (rare from him but not unheard of sporatically through the years). His version drastically differed from reality and those who witnessed it, yet he has told the story so many times, he I think has convinced himself this is a true version (his version).
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Very sad. What a rough relationship.
    Luckily, my sister is halfway across the U.S. Still, it's hard not to worry about her.
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    And my eldest sis has a tendency to do this too. Hers has not been a lifetime habit though, like bro's. Although it can be just as bad, sometimes worse as she tends to warp reality around her as well. I didn't noticed her doing it until she was in her 30's........but I have also lived away from my home state and don't see them often either.

    She blew me away when I went home for my grandfather's funeral. We were visiting when all of a sudden she starts telling her kids that my sibs resent me because I was my grandmother's favorite (not sure if that is true, more like she took me in to protect me from my mothers abuse). Then she went into this elaborate story about how my grandmother had left me a small fortune in a trust fund. Once I picked my mouth up off the floor.......I got mad, real mad. So I called her on it right then and there. I said Oh, so grandma, who raised 7 kids alone working sometimes 3 jobs just to try to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads, somehow magically managed to set aside a trust fund for me worth a small fortune?? omg! I said mighty interesting since she lived her retirement barely surviving on social security! Sis stumbled around then said Oh, well, you don't know about it because it won't take affect until you're 35.........I said, Girl, stop lying to your kids. 1. IF there was such a fund, I'd have found out after her death when I was 16 and 2. someone who spent their lives working their tail off to just barely survive doesn't go around setting up trust funds worth small fortunes for grandkids, favorites or not. Where in hades would the money for such a thing come from? Did she pull it out her fanny?

    Shut her up. But I know soon as I left the room she fed them more lies to save face. Probably something like I didn't want to share the wealth. ugh

    With her it's sad. I don't have a clue why she started doing it in her 30's. But she's become another one if her mouth is open she's probably lying.
  13. keista

    keista New Member

    No lie, french fry. I noticed that a few days ago in other threads, and I've been here less than a week.

    No I don't think it's that simple. Definitely a part of it. When husband tells ppl that he's Apache and a descendant of a famous chief, ppl are in awe and just want to be near someone "famous" even if that fame is several times removed. Unfortunately, that lie has become a true delusion. He will insist until death that he is Apache, the back story might change, but he is Apache. Other lies, he will back down from - like the scholarship one, but turn it around and say I wasn't listening (for 13 years) because he got the scholarship and turned it down because he had to work, et al.

    But also like my daughter told me, those fantasy lies are such a more "interesting" life. Hopefully I did intervene early enough with DD1 and those crazy lies continue to stay away. I'm sure it partly comes from a place of "I wish this was what my life was" 'Normal' ppl observe - daydream, read books, watch movies - liars attempt to create an alternate reality.

    Just remembered two short stories I read in HS portraying mental illness "The Rocking Horse Rider" and "The Yellow Wallpaper" Sorry, not really relevant to this thread, but to entire site.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm. I may have to read those stories. I've found that authors who write about those types of things, as well as MS, Cerebral Palsy and Asperger's, actually have a close family member with-it and they do a great job describing it. In fiction, of course. ;)