Speaking of touching kids...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jan 16, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I was just thinking about the note on WC about the 8-yr-old that was taken away in handcuffs, and thinking that U.S. teachers are not supposed to touch kids any more and how out-of-hand that gets.

    Today when I picked up difficult child after school (he goes to an after-school program in the same bldg) one of the ladies, to whom I sent a Christmas card, gave me a hug and said "Thank you" for the card and photo. Of course, difficult child never gave it to her ... I found it in his backpack last week! So I gave the long-overdue Christmas cards to his classmate in carpool and they found their way to the proper people.

    She said she thanked difficult child and gave him a hug, too, and then she looked stricken and said, "I don't know how you feel about hugging."

    Sigh. It's come to that.

    I said it's fine, if he'll let her. ;) I warned her to be in his direct line of sight, because if he's startled by a touch, he may lash out by accident ... he's a little hyper and autistic that way (she does not know his diagnosis but she's a quick thinker). She said she was standing directly in front of him so everything was fine, but she thanked me for the info. We had a nice chat and wished one another a happy New Year.

  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It is so sad that it has come to the point where teachers are not permitted to touch a student. It's just about at this point in Australia, too. I haven't checked what the rules are currently (I can ask, I am curious). I do remember when difficult child 3 was in K, he wanted to give his teacher a kiss and hug each day and she finally had to ask him to stop, because it really wasn't permitted.

    And yet it doesn't seem so very long ago that a teacher of easy child's (in Grade 4) was charged with assault for smacking a boy who had been isehaving; the teacher had witnesses to prove that he had the mother's permission, because after all he had been living with the mother at the time! She only had charges laid after they split up.
    The teacher was acquitted with the judge saying (at the time) that it was accepted practice for teachers to smack naughty students.

    Not these days.

  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is sad that it has come to asking permission for a hug.

    You may be able to find ways to work with your son on the lashing out if touched with-o warning by researching "tactile defensiveness". It is what makes a normally peaceful person lash out and hit someone for touching them with-o warning. I found a lot of info out there that helped Wiz, thank you AND I with this.

    I am glad our schools are OK with hugs.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    PK hugs are so sweet. Every once in a while we get a little girl at our school who is a hugger. What a great way to start the day! When you have this little package of smiles heading toward you with the purpose of hugging you, you can't help but smile. Teachers need those hugs. Often the hugger will hug through 1st or 2nd grade.

    As for older kids, the teacher really needs to know the child. Sometimes a simple touch on the arm or shoulder can bring the student back to focus on the classroom work. I know I would have been one kid not to touch for any reason. I hated being touched but now as I work with kids, I do know the instinct of just reaching out to use touching an arm or shoulder to bring a kid's attention back to the subject at hand. It is always done with kindness, a gentle reminder of where they are.