SpEd teacher just called - he threatened to kill them

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Feb 10, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Same blow up today. They asked him to read.

    He ended up being sent to the principal.

    He told the principal that he knows where the key to the gun safe is and that he will get a gun and bring it to school and kill him.

    I don't think for a second that he would do that at this stage of the game. But we are all concerned about what he'd do if he happened on a weapon in the heat of the moment. Even scissors.

    We are all afraid he will hurt someone.
  2. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    This is your 6 yr old?
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Shari - I'd call for an emergency IEP mtg and have the accommodation put in there that difficult child will not be asked to read outloud. It's obviously a trigger and quite frankly, at this stage of the game it's far more important (well, in my humble opinion anyway) for him to be able to maintain in a classroom than for him to read outloud for 3 minutes.

    The goal should be *not* to trigger him, especially since it's a new school, etc.

    Any idea why he has such a problem with that? Is he a good reader? Does he get shy/embarrassed?

    Sorry - miserable to have to get those calls.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Shari, just wanted to offer support. My difficult child in 2nd or 3rd grade told another child he was going bring a knife to school and stab him in the heart. He had also threatened to shoot people. The school psychiatric decided he had/has intermittent exposive disorder. I hate calls from the school, and get nauseated when the school number comes upon my cell phone.

    I agree with slsh, quit trying to get him to read outloud. It seems like it could trigger him.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think he needs some sort of collaborative teacher or part time aid- so he can stay in his regular class most of the time, but go outside the class for some 1-on-1 when they want him to read or take a test, or whatever else he might be struggling with. I can see them needing him to read aloud so they know whether or not he's picking it up- but there are other ways to accomplish that without making him read in front of the class. This is just making abad situation worse and compounding his problems.

    As far as threatening the teachers, or anyone- he's six- I wouldn't worry too much about it- but, I would make sure that there is NO WAY he can get to a key to a gun cabinet or any weapon at all. This situation could provoke a young kid to prove something to the other kids at school and you'd be up a creek if he got a hold of anything. And that's in the best of circumstances.
  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I agree with slsh. I would ask that your son not be asked to read aloud. It just might be too much anxiety for him. Him being only 6 he doesn't quite know how to articulate that so he threatened the teacher. Poor little guy!

    I understand that the school must pay close attention to violent threats, but come on, we aren't talking about a teenager. He was probably very nervous and just didn't know how to handle it. I'm 39 and I wouldn't want to read in front of a class!!!

    Hang in there. :)
  8. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Oh my goodness. What do you do with that? *sigh*

    I'm so sorry, Shari.

    I agree, an emergency IEP meeting is a must. Something's gotta be going on. Poor guy. Hope you get some answers.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    He's not being asked to read in front of anyone, he's just being asked to read. He has a para with him at all times at school. He spends as much time as he is capable of in the mainstream room, but this week, that hasn't been much. He's been in the SpEd room most of the time.

    He's not going to school tomorrow. Not the message I want to send, but they told me to keep him home.
  10. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Oh. I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I hope you are able to get somewhere with the school.

    Hang in there. :)
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    So sorry sweetie..........you have been going through this a lot lately with difficult child 2.

    Keeping him home for the week might be a good message to send to him, if you coupled it with going to therapy and to see the Dr. In other words sending him the message that;
    "this is really unhealthy behavior, and people/kids who say things like this, need to get some help, so that is what we are going to do."

    Does he have a therapist and psychiatrist - if so - what do they say? What medications is he on? Any special diets that may help?

    My son said the same thing in 3rd grade - literally a month after Columbine. This was not something that one school teacher or principal took lightly at that point. Instead they wanted to place him in an alternative school immediately. I had to fight tooth and nail to keep him mainstreamed, and even then, it meant finishing the year in a cubicle in SpeEd.

    We might know as parents our kids don't mean what they say - but teachers and parents will have none of it - which puts us all in a very difficult bind in helping our kids.

    Keep us posted...........
    Sending strength your way.
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Bran, I'm sorry if I seemed short. Wasn't intended that way, I'm still sick and totally stressed out. He's been at public school for 3 weeks and exactly why I didn't want to send him to public school in the first place has already happened. My fear is they'll want to send him to alternative school.
  13. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Shari, I'm sorry to hear that difficult child is in such a state. I can just imagine how scared you are. There is no way to know where this will end up for difficult child.
  14. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Shari! Sorry to hear you've been sick.

    Listen: take a long hard look at things, but look at it from your 6 yr olds perspective.

    Has anything changed? New students, any situations at home (no matter how small = an extra goldfish in the fishtank derailed things around here for a couple of days!), etc. Take a look at the timing - did you get sick (even with a head cold - to a 6 year old it's still a huge thing!) and then his behavior tanked?

    Here's where I'm going with this. To us, change is no big deal. Heck, even if it is - you can't just refuse to change, you force yourself to go with the flow.

    To our guys, change is HUGE. And they CAN refuse change by hitting, pushing, fighting or melting down or any combination of them. The change can be as simple as they're now using yellow chalk instead of white on the chalkboard.

    Shoot: we go through this type of behavior with difficult child 1 when he ANTICIPATES change! He's a real joy sometimes - let me tell you!

    Also, consider whether there may be sensory issues going on. difficult child 3 melted down every single day at the end of lunch in K and 1st grades. 9 suspensions later, I figured out that they were putting the kids into the auditorium after lunch but before the next period. The sound was deafening, but when she tried to explain, they'd shout at her and tell her to stay in her seat.

    I'll throw out any other ideas that may come to mind!

    Take some tylenol and tea and hit the sack!

  15. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    There are few options with-a 6 yr old. Most schools wouldn't want to go the AE route unless forced.

    I'd keep him home a couple of days and see if he can resettle. However, I'd immediately call an IEP meeting to see about a therapeutic day school placement. It's different than an AE placement.

    with-a 6 yr old, the sd may feel way in over their head.

    Try to brainstorm at the IEP meeting. Be open to temporary homebound placement. Insist upon a professional not on staff if you have a sense that they really are out of their element.

    If they are afraid of him or afraid for the children, even an IEP student can be put in AE for 45 days.

    If the IEP sd committee members see that you are trying to figure things out (with-their help), they'll likely be more receiptive to a knee-jerk AE placement.
  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    OK, maybe this is a cultural thing here, but for me a 6 year old saying, in the heat of extreme anger, that he wants to take a gun and shoot someone isn't quite the same level as a teenager running riot with an assault rifle. OK, the kid has to learn to not say things like this, but the (often massive) reaction that seems to occur can give the kid the wrong sort of payoff - "Hey, look at how they are all taknig me seriously!"

    It really worries me.

    Kids have to learn to not threaten physical harm to anyone, but I do worry that we've just gone overboard and are not handling what needs to be handled.

    WHat I see here needing to be handled - a kid with major frustration issues probably connected to anger and anxiety. I see a school determined to do things their way but not prepared for the outcomes. I see a knee-jerk reaction to threats resulting from the heat of the moment from a very young child.

    difficult child 1 had a classmate (Aspie) who was not exactly suspended, but who was told to not return for his final (graduation) year. The reason - they beleived he had brought a gun to school. And of course, we as his friends were not told the reasons. He was too upset and embarrassed to tell us, and his mother never really knew about it because she didn't get told anything. The school clammed up and claimed "confidentiality" then washed their hands of him.
    And if he had brought a gun to school - then yes, that would be a problem. And feankly our lawas are very strict, the police should have been called. And they weren't - perhaps because the poice require such things as PROOF.

    What really happened - we found out three years later. difficult child 1 and friend were on the school bus going to a sporting field. Some kid showed his new Learner's Permit (for driving acar - our kids can get these from age 16). It was a photo licence, looked like a real drivers licence and the kids thought it was cool. The talk got around to various licenses and pieces of paper, friend said, "I have a junior shooter's licence. I own a gun. It's actually at my uncle's farm, we keep them there to shoot rabbits." [rabbits are really bad here, dangerous pests]
    The chinese whispers went up the front of the bus ("he's got a gun licence!" "He owns a gun!" to "he's got a gun!") finally saying that this kid had brought a gun to school. He was pulled out and sent to the acting principal who had been looking for an opportunity to get rid of this large, scary kid with the unemotional expressionless face.

    I know this young man, If the teacher had asked him, "Where is your gun?" he would have told her the truth - "It is with my uncle on his farm." I strongly beleive he was never asked. By the time I found out, it was too late to do anything about it. He blames his mother for not sticking up for him, but there were two problems there:

    1) I love his mother, but she will buckle in the face of authority, because she believes people in authority know better and have her interests at heart [wrong!];
    2) her son never told her the full story. He may not have fully realised it himself at the time.

    Threasts of violence are wrong. Increasingly so. But in our panic over them, we risk losing perspective and throuwing out the 6 year old with the bathwater.

  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You must be tearing your hair out.
    I agree with-Marg that a 6-yr-old saying that and a teen saying it are two diff things.
    I also agree that there is a trigger there (excuse the expression) and it's probably reading aloud. Definitely obtain a new IEP and restructure the class environment. There's too much of a pattern to ignore.
  18. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Marg and Terri: Our lovely school district OUTSHINES what most do. They really grab the ball with both hands and play it full court. Wanna know what they do?

    The send them via ambulance to the psychiatric hospital. Unfortunately there's no childrens waiting room, so these kids are exposed to some really graphic and frightening things. Hey - they're out of school now!

    But here's the kicker - they then call Children's Services and open a case! Anyone wonder why the holiday bit it around here this past year!

    Keep your chin up Shari! At least you're not dealing with THIS district!

  19. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Shar, you didn't seem short, don't worry about it. I hope you are feeling better soon! :)
  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Thanks for the encouragement. I can't imagine how exMIL survived raising bio-dad without a support group...can't fathom it.

    I agree with you, Marg, that often the punishment is over the top. Nvts, I AM glad I'm not in your district. OMG, that's awful.

    Unfortunately, tho, this is the day and age we live in, and wee difficult child has to understand these threats won't be taken lightly. I think the school sent him home today simply because they don't know what to do with him. Their ideas aren't working, and, sadly, I think they agreed to the 1:1's thinking that after a period of time, they could go away; now they are realizing that's not the case and its draining their time and available resources. Which makes me want to scream "I TOLD YOU TO BE READY!!" but that does no good.

    I have been in contact with his mainstream teacher and SpEd. I asked SpEd if she would prefer getting and emergency appointment with the medicating doctor, and thus far, she doesn't think it will help.

    I think I'm going to go ahead with the deupty coming and taking the guns. I don't think difficult child realizes that what he said is important at all, and that's not ok. If he were older, that statement would warrant an arrest. I think its ok for him to see us lose a privelage we all enjoy having because of his comments. I did the same thing when difficult child 1 was about 7 and stole some things and it left a huge impression on him. Guess I'm hoping for the same outcome here.

    I dunno. What I do know is that I do NOT want to go thru this again. difficult child 1 drained me, and difficult child 2 is worse.