Spent all day at DHR

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by southermama3, Jan 26, 2012.

  1. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    GOD I want to SCREAM!!!!!! I made YET another visit to child support to ENFORCE my child support bc YET again he didn't send any money. They are supposed to be deducting it but apparently their NOT. So I go there at 8:30 get called back at 10 and the arguing began. She said they was enforcing the court ordered support and I said obviously your not he's 8,000 in the arrears. She said we know where he works..WELL if you know where he works why have they NOT contacted them to start automatic deduction. She looked at me like I was a total idiot. At 1 her supervisor came in and assured me my card should be receiving a payment within the next few days. So help me if its not there!!! UGH Men I feel get away with murder!! I told her I wanted his license suspended and asked her will there be any consequence to this..her answeer "I cant promise you anything" WTF!! *SCREAMS!!!!!!* He is the ONLY human being that I can actually say I HATE and the hate I have is SO dark it scares me. UGHGHGHGH
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    B R E A T H E..... IN.......OUT.........................INNNNN......................OUT

    You can only control your own reactions.

    First I am sending you hugs and calm energy.

    Second, and this is not to make light of your situation at all.... I have started reading your posts hearing a southern accent in my head! I about laughed out loud when I realized it.

    Ok, now, I am praying your money will be on the card soon. My sister has received less than 1000 dollars in her son's life and he is 12!

    It is nuts.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Actually, in our neck of the woods there is a total discrepancy between men and women.

    When husband had to pay support, they overcharged him, the judge kept upping based on what he thought husband should make (imputed income) thereby throwing husband behind enough that they threatened to take his license and throw him in jail, from one day to the next!... We got it audited at the end and I swear it looks to me like he overpaid around $10K.

    When bio had to pay support - we got about 50% of what was ordered, and that came in fits - we'd get regular payments for 3 months then NOTHING for 9, then her tax refund. And when she passed they said she OVERPAID!!! According to every record we had, she would have underpaid by around $10K. And that 9 mos she wasn't paying, we followed all the rules for filing a complaint, and they did nothing. They did not even know where she was WORKING! husband told them - because she stated it in court - but they STILL couldn't find her.

    Something else interesting - BFF and her hubs both went into the enforcement place, he to make a payment, she to give them new information. She got to see him treated like dirt, and they were super nice to her.

    I wish I could move some of those people down to you!!!!!
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I hear you. Had similar issues with Useless Boy (Miss KT's father) and the child support agency.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Here, if you live below the poverty line, social services doesn't want to pay any more to you than it has to... and if you're not getting your support payments, then you can fall back on them. So... if that is your main source of income, up to a certain limit they will pay you first, and then THEY will go after the payor. And of course... the courts work harder for a government agency than for an individual...
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    My sister knows her baby daddy lives with a girl who has several kids by him. they dont marry so they can collect assistance and food stamps but he always gets good jobs. she didn't know of this chick until after she was pregnant of course. Then when she applied for support, turns out there were two others ahead of her so it goes to the first who applies. then the next etc....

    She knew where he lived, knew where he worked, told the agencies and they kept saying they couldn't find him etc. She said she would drive them to him so he could be arrested. They said no thanks. Everytime they got some of his money he quit his job and couldn't be found. Now my nephew is 12 and she literally has had less than 1000 in support his whole life.

    I like how your area does it IC. What happens if they are not below poverty level though? My sister has worked her way into a good job for someone who has not graduated college. she has insurance and a better salary than I had in the schools, but of course that was not a huge salary.

    She has a daughter whose dad is involved but he thinks he pays too much. He has NO CLUE as to what it really costs to raise a child. When they were on and off, for a while he lived with them.. He never added any money for HIS portion of living there because he says he already paid part. He paid the child support, so he didn't think he should have to contribute to food, rent etc. Such a jerk. they are not together now. BUT if she gets second hand clothes or anything he gets upset and has to buy her expensive shoes etc. He bought her an iPod but is worried she will lose it... um well you bought an EIGHT year old an iPod touch! ding bat.
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Same issue... Bio complained we didn't know what it cost, but then said her $300 a month (for both kids, and like I said, we usually didn't get it all) also covered her part of ALL activities (which is not what the court order said), pictures, etc. Football alone was $300 plus game entry, plus gear, plus we had to work as volunteers... Forget food, shelter, and clothing... But she wanted us to pay for the designer stuff she bought.

    Around here, if you are on medicaid or food stamps, your child support goes to pay that back first. (We never qualified... I made too much money on my own.)
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow, so your income had to be counted because you were married? It was his income too?

    Yeah, what a laugh...300 and you have to pay for clothes, toiletries, sports, activities, movies, parties, (for some daycare and tutoring), did she have to contribute to insurance? copays?

    two kids... 150 a month a piece for housing, food and a life... wow! Nevermind if they need glasses, braces, therapy that is not covered by insurance.... uggg.

    She sounds like the famale version of my sisters ex. Though, in term of CARE, he is a really good father to my niece. He picks her up from school, is excited to be with her, doesn't dump her off on parents or sisters or anything... they DO things together. He still comes to anything that all of our kids do like church things etc. He values her whole family.

    It is really too bad he is so dense in that area and so unable to have a grown up relationship because he has the dad part down. Just not the provider and partner part.
  9. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Buddy LOL I have a VERY strong souther accent and I'm almost always laughed at bc of it but I'm a big joking person and always make fun of myself.

    Well when they couldn't tell me where my money was I jumped up and said I wanted to file for emergency assistance. I filled out the paperwork and went to ANOTHER office and sat only to find out my disablity puts us outside the bracket to receive TANF or FA. GrGGGhghH!!

    Basically, I have to live on a prayer that they will get after this psychopath. I hate him. I feel like me and my girls are a box of broken plates trying to find the pieces to place us back together and he's off swimming in his gravey bowl!!! I hope he chokes on it lol.
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Buddy, in Ohio, it is based on household income. So bio qualified for all this stuff when the kids lived with her, though she had a job and her mother had two jobs. No way was that right, but it's all over with now.

    Yeah, I earned too much. husband lost a couple of jobs because he had to take a LOT of leave without pay for COURT and to track down the kids (again and again) - and then we found out all the allegations were costing him possible jobs because the investigations never got closed and they showed up on a background check. So it was me, husband, the kids and for a while father in law too. I was earning.

    I am a little bitter with her for what she did, but have never begrudged husband the $ I have spent on "his" kids. He does when he has money. He never complained about support paid to her, either.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know many are hesitant to seek out private firms who will enforce child support, but they ARE an option. They take an amount of the BACK support owed but they also make SURE that support is kept current. I know a few people who went that route because they figured they were NEVER going to see a penny of any support so if the private company could get anything it was better than nothing. They all seemed to have a good experience and did not begrudge the amt they paid the company - I think it was 30%. As one friend said, 30% of nothing is nothing, and so is 70% of nothing. I at least get that 70% and it is a heck of a lot more than I had before.

    I am NOT saying that you need to do this, just that it is an option. I think men who do not pay child support are scum. NOT men who are disabled and CANNOT, but men who hide their assets and refuse to work or to support their kids when they are perfectly able. Step's husband was treated horribly and all he EVER tried to do was what was best for his kids - and all bio ever tried to do was use and hurt them, in my opinion. I don't understand Ohio's system, because I know fathers who were treated like KINGS by child support when they even admitted in court that they were earning a lot of $$ under the table so they didn't have to pay child support.

    I am so sorry you are having this problem. It is just so wrong. I have known a LOT of guys who work under the table, get friends to "own" cars and property that the father uses and pays for and owns just so that the father won't have to pay support.

    In some states you CAN go after the non-supporting parent's EMPLOYER for not making them pay. It might get him fired, but if he won't pay anyway, so what? Yes, that is mean, but you ahve to do what you have to do.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    You are a very special family.
  13. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Exactly, Susie. Actually, if there is a reason any parent or legal guardian should pay support, then dang it, they need to DO it. It isn't for them, it's for their KIDS! (I know some people get outrageous amounts of support, and it's more like alimony because the kids don't see much of it.)

    See, S-mama, I can see your position. Esp since you actually NEED the money. "Parents" who refuse to pay support are lower than the lowest. (I know one who hasn't paid support in over a year and agreed to give up parental rights so the new step could adopt and then, in court, refused... Ugh.)

  14. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    I never thought of a private firm. I made a call to my divorce attorney (I paid him over 10k so I feel he's retained forever) I'm going to see if he can do something. My ex also owes me my lawyers retainer/legal fees that he hasn't even started to pay. After all he's done I feel he owes every second of his natural life to rebuilding and fixing the children he broke. He gave up his right to have a life when he took their life and innocence!

    I had a dream after this post that I was chasing him with a waffle (sp) bat LOL my brain never shuts up even asleep.
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH wow, you are a warrior, but I am worried about you. Clearly you have a right to be outraged by what he did and what he is continuing to do.

    But your kids need you strong and healthy for a long long time... You have so much to sort out and fight through and you have a serious illness.. can you get a cd and do yoga? self hypnosis for relaxation? etc????

    This is just me....out of love and concern.....

    So, as encouragement to you....your kids are not broken, do not allow them to think he took their "LIVES" and all of their "innocence" .....they were injured and are still whole beings, I know you actually know that inside of you,.... But just saying that if you view them as whole, healthy, beautiful people....survivors....it could help them push through all of this. NOT saying to be in denial and of course he did harm them. But it does not have to be THE defining thing in their lives. (I am actually speaking as a victim of sexual abuse at a young age here--nothing as intense and painful as what your daughters went through, so I would never presume to know the pain and suffering you and they have xperienced, am just sharing because when I saw my mom so upset-- that actually is a stronger memory than the year of what happened with a neighbor. I can and have worked through how he was totally at fault etc. I know it was nothing to do with me. Recovery is totally possible.)

    HUGS to you and your babies... I am glad you are here!
  16. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Oh yea I agree on not making them victims. I post my private thoughts but in reality I always convey that they aren't victims. I've never allowed them to feel that. Our therapist had us pick a song to be our warrior song and I came up with Nickelbacks "never going to be alone" that song I feel empowers us.

    All of this has taken a big toll on my health and u are so right on that. I honestly feel I have emptied a lot of my aggravation since joining this board and my mood has changed a lot bc I know I can come on here and virtually scream. I appreciate all of y'all and u for reading my long winded vents it makes me feel so much better spiritually and psychologically.

    Oh yeah I do yoga with my Wii fit it helps a lot but I think talking to y'all helps me more tbh.
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well for sure keep on talking! I LOVE that you picked a song as a family. Who knows why things so awful have to happen, there is no good reason. But we sure can grow and survive as you said.

    You and your little family have such an amazing relationship. So glad you have those little tools like the wii that can make a big difference in your life.

    It is wonderful you are feeling so good about coming to this board. I have often felt the same.
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have an ex who never paid one dime for my oldest son. He left when Billy was just under a year old. Actually I kicked him out due to abuse. I had them court order support on him within 2 weeks because I immediately filed for a temporary custody order that eventually became full sole custody. He was only ordered to pay $65 for 2 months then ordered to get a full time job and pay $112 a month. This was back in 1982. I tried over and over to get him to pay. I found out he was working for his parents and they owned their own business in FL. I gave CSE their address, phone number, etc. I was told that back then they wouldnt go out of state to collect child support. If they got around to it, maybe I would get some child support one day. HAH! His parents sent me the front cover of their local paper when their company made their first million bucks. They never sent birthday or xmas cards. Tony supported Billy. He is Billy's father. Not that idiot who gave him a name. Oh but believe me, when I had a boy...they made darn sure that my son was named the Fifth. Billy says there will never be a Sixth. They messed that up. Oh well.

    Now on the opposite side we have Cory and Lindsay. Lindsay met Cory when he was 18 years old and disabled on SSI. He has been disabled his entire life and he made no bones about it. She knew he drew a check. She knew how much he got. She deliberately got pregnant with a boy 3 years younger than her who was on disability and she knew he was never gonna have the ability to make much money- in all likelihood. In fact, before the baby was born, in the first trimester, she went down to social security to see if she could get a check for the baby. She could have aborted the baby if it was too much trouble.

    We have spent tons of money on that child. We have had her for more time than Lindsay has until Lindsay took her this past August. In fact, Keyana and Lindsay lived with us for most of her first year of life and half of that time Lindsay wasnt even here. She got more money out of us than if she simply got child support alone from Cory which he wasnt responsible for because he was on SSI and even if you only took his ssi amount and plugged it in, he would only have to pay $50 at the most and less than that at times because she worked some of the time. Trust me we have given her far more than that. She complains constantly. She actually wants Cory to give up his parental rights just because he had another child! Keyana wants to live with her Daddy instead of her mommy!