Spent the day with my mom and avoided in-law drama

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, Aug 23, 2010.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    And boy am I GLAD I opted for visiting my mom!

    husband's three sisters and their families decided to meet at an Olive Garden to celebrate the late-summer family birthdays (brother in law#3 & nephew for August, difficult child 1 & husband for September). Since my mom was feeling kinda fragile yesterday, husband said it was a perfect excuse for me to get out of this event and he said he'd "cover" for me. :tongue:

    When I got home tonight, my kids were the first to both regale me with the details and vent over the pettiness and drama that, as usual, developed during the meal.

    But one thing that really stood out, and that upset my kids and really irritated me was sister in law#2's response when husband explained that the reason I wasn't there, that my mom had been struggling a bit emotionally and wanted some company: "Why would she need GCVMOM's company?" To which husband replied, "Uh, because her dad just died!" And the retort sister in law#2 blurts out, "Well geez, that was two weeks ago!"

    O. EM. FRICKIN. GEE. :holymoly:

    So apparently, in that woman's tiny little mind, a 47-year relationship (good, bad or indifferent) is something my mother should be completely over in a matter of two weeks (although technically, it's been three weeks, so I guess she's waaaay overstepped her allotted time for grief).

    Is it ANY wonder that I cannot stand that woman? I am SO done with her.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh! What a tool!
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    When I hear things like this, a saying comes to mind that you can't fix stupid ;)

    I'm glad you took the time to dodge this get together and went instead to visit your mom. I'm sure it helped her immeasurably to have your company. I cannot imagine anyone thinking someone would be or should be okay only 2 weeks after losing their spouse. Grr!

    My S/O's step father passed in July and I know my mother in law is struggling greatly to adjust to life without him. She comes across stoic in telephone calls, but we know she is not sleeping. She is a chatty chat and she is very quiet in conversations when we call her. She would call us a couple of times a week normally. We find ourselves calling her mostly now, although she's always relieved for a call when we make one, it is very "off" for her to not be calling. But very understandable. Its going to take a long time for her to adjust to simply missing him, not to mention new routines in her days, living alone, doing everything for herself that he used to take care of or contribute to, figuring out finances, wading through all the legal paperwork and government things that need to get done to finalize his affairs. Not to mention friends of his that aren't regular callers. She had a call last week on her answering machine, a friend of his saying to call him and inviting them both to visit. She realized she'd forgotten to contact him and now can't bring herself to call yet another person to say he's passed away. We offered but she says she wants to be the one to tell him, when she can bring herself to make the call.

    In terms of your sister in law's comment, I wonder what that made her husband think! I mean, if my S/O said that, I'd be thinking he'll be throwing parties a few weeks later if I passed away. That has to hurt. Sounds like your husband really did you a good deed by helping "excuse you" from the gathering ;).
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Didn't you know that there is a time frame??? That is so just awful and mean! That reminds of the book "The Year of Magical Thinking" after her husband dies people treat her like she is just supposed to "get" over it in a specific amount of time. Joan realizes over time that she can mourn and she can hurt and she can cry how and when she wants.
    It is a wonderful true novel.

    I am glad you were not at Applebees but horrified that your kids had to witness this.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Goodness Gracious. There is a screw loose in that lady's head.

    So glad you had a peaceful day sans any drama!

  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Is this the sister in law who uses drugs? Or am I getting my stories confused?
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds to me like somebody needs a good slapping...bad enough you heard it second hand, but I do feel for your kids. How insensitive.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member


    So glad you opted for the time with your mom! Hugs.
  9. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Wow.....I just don't have any words. Just shaking my head over the self-centeredness of that woman. *sigh*
    I hope you had a (I wanna say a good time, but doesn't seem right) satisfactory and relaxing time with your mom. I'm sure your mom really appreciated that you were there for her.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    This is the sister in law who I'm pretty sure has bipolar and quite possibly a personality disorder but is not really getting any treatment (except for maybe Wellbutrin) and certainly not any therapy (because there's nothing wrong with her). She has more baggage than a Samsonite salesman, and is more toxic than Love Canal, Three Mile Island, and Chernobyl combined.

    Yes it is sad my kids had to witness the drama, but they are all very aware now of her issues and fully understanding of why I don't like to be around her. I tell them that she's still their aunt, and they still need to treat her respectfully, but that's as far as their obligation goes.

    I had a very nice day with my mom that day. We walked the two miles to the pier at the beach and had a late lunch. Visited the surf museum and shared stories of locals we've known with the curator. Then we walked back to her house and my brother met us a little later and we took her to dinner. It was probably the first time in decades that just the three of us were together and we had some good laughs and shared some fond memories.

    I told her the next day what I learned from the kids about sister in law#3, and she burst out LAUGHING! Not the reaction I expected, but I suppose that the comment was just so out-there and ridiculous that she couldn't help but laugh. I guess since I'm considered part of husband's family that I took it more personally. At least I won't have to see sister in law#3 until the holidays, and if I plan things right, I might be able to push it out until Christmas!:winks: