Spke to therapist

[toughlovin]

So I finally got a call from the therapist. My difficult child did sign the release and it does sound like it was more a mix up than him not wanting me on the release. I liked the therapist over the phone. They are definitely seeing some of his defiant rule breaking behaviors and are addressing them. So in a very short time she seems to "get" him pretty well. One thing I like is that I think a lot of the staff are themselves recovering addicts so they really understand the substance abuse issues... He stopped by her office while we were on the phone so I got to say hello to him. He sounds ok and that is a relief to me. He said he would call us last night and didn't..... but that is ok. I was kind of afraid he would call and complain and I didn't want to deal with that. LOL. It does sound like he still really wants help and thats the main thing. She told me he has a lot of hard work to do. She told him I am willing to work hard with you, but I will not work harder than you do!! Which I think is right. He is the one that has to do the work here.

As far as his music... he did have music while in the detox program and then he did some manipulation of a staff person where he is now to borrow their ipod which was not supposed to happen. So he has lost that... we are sending him a non internet using ipod (his birthday present now) so he will get music by Monday... but if he had gone about this in a more cooperative way rather than manipulation and trying to bend the rules they would have figured something out. So hopefully there is a lesson in all that for him.

So I would like to hear from him but am ok if i don't. I now feel more confident that he is safe and is in the right place and so I am going to work on just relaxing and taking some time for ME and to do something I want to get done.

TL

 

[DDD]

I'm glad you are feeling more reassured and happy that he seems to be working the program. Fingers crossed. DDD

 

[CrazyinVA]

I'm so glad you got to talk to the therapist, and to difficult child. I know that getting out of the "not knowing" realm is a big relief. It sounds like he's on the right track, and is in a good place with good people to help him. I love the "I will not work harder than you do" statement; this is what my therapist taught me about my dealing with Youngest, actually. For awhile, I was working harder than she was to help her fix her life, not to mention, I was worrying about it more than she was. Not my job.

Hugs.

 

[buddy]

I'm so glad you got to talk to the therapist, and to difficult child. I know that getting out of the "not knowing" realm is a big relief. It sounds like he's on the right track, and is in a good place with good people to help him. I love the "I will not work harder than you do" statement; this is what my therapist taught me about my dealing with Youngest, actually. For awhile, I was working harder than she was to help her fix her life, not to mention, I was worrying about it more than she was. Not my job.

Hugs.

I love that.

So glad you got come contact and some relief. I hope it goes well for him.

 

[DammitJanet]

Glad you got contact and relief. I am a firm believer in not working harder than they are. It is so hard to put into practice though. I am much better at it when Cory isnt living at home too...lol. Another thing my therapist worked very hard to teach me was that No is a complete sentence. I think that was the hardest thing to get through my extremely thick skull.

 

[toughlovin]

I agree not working harder than they are is an important concept. One I have always believed in but definitely have not always put into practice. LOL. I think it is harder to do when they are younger and definitely when they are living at home. I was really glad to hear the therapist say that too....because my son has such a tendancy to self sabatoge himself and fight authority and what he now has to realize is that regarding his tx there is no authority....other than him. He either takes the tx and works at it or he doesn't. If he doesn't then he will be the one to suffer, no one else.

thanks everyone... I have to say I am having a better day off than I have for a few weeks.... not stewing in my own juices so much today.

TL

 

[Nancy]

I'm so glad to hear this TL. You and I seem to exchange places of stewing in our own juices lately. I hope your difficult child continues to accept and work on the program.

Nancy

 

[Elsieshaye]

I love the "I will not work harder than you do" statement; this is what my therapist taught me about my dealing with Youngest, actually. For awhile, I was working harder than she was to help her fix her life, not to mention, I was worrying about it more than she was. Not my job.Hugs.

Same here. This is a lesson I really have to work to internalize.

 

[CrazyinVA]

It's definitely an ongoing struggle to learn not to "work harder" than they do. If I find myself obsessing over what my kids are doing (or not doing), that's when I know I need to take a step back. Or sometimes, my therapist has to lasso me with a rope and pull me back

 

[rejectedmom]

Glad things are looking up. Good rule not working harder than they are. -RM