Spring break and husband is threatening to drive back home...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    we got here Saturday night, and now two days later, things had gotten so bad that he packed his bags and was going to go back home today - a 6+hour drive. Luckily he calmed down, but I don't blame him. If we were at home, I probably would have gotten in the car and drove somewhere just to get away from difficult child. And what brought us to all of this? Two girls fighting over one swimsuit top. difficult child wore it the last two nights to use at the indoor pool at the condo. Tonight, easy child wanted to wear it, and had it on. Of course, things escalated and difficult child started pushing and yelling at easy child that she wished she would drown at the pool, or curl up in a hole and die, etc, etc, etc,. Then husband called both girls in to the living room to try and calm down the situation. difficult child just escalated everything and tried to run out of the room and husband stepped about a half a foot to his right and difficult child tried to squeeze past him and ended up hitting the TV cabinet and falling to the floor. She wasn't hurt, as in no scratches or bruises, but did bump her head.

    I think it scared husband so much that he just wanted to go home. I think we are both so aware that just about anything we do could be held against us if difficult child makes any allegations. SO much for having a fun spring break.

    I got husband calmed down and hopefully the rest of the week will be better. But I am still seething inside that things can turn bad so fast. KSM
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I hate going on extended trips. It seems the kids just go haywire. All the boundaries are up in the air and none of them know what will happen so they have to test boundaries.
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    just when you start to calm down from the last meltdown, and a new one happened. husband had went to the main building with the indoor pool so difficult child could swim. He went to the weight room and I took easy child to look for swimsuit tops. Didn't find any. So we went back to the room and she changed and I took her to the pool. Found husband and we sat in lobby for a while. I took my computer to have something to do while waiting. He walked back to the condo. Well, after 10pm I went to the pool to tell the girls I wanted them to get ready to leave. They were both in the outdoor hot tub with some other kids (boys). I opened the door and called to them and told them we needed to leave. I went back to the lobby and played on my computer. After about 15 minutes, I head back to the pool area to see if they are getting ready - and easy child is out and has her clothes on over her suit. I ask her about difficult child... and she is still in the hot tub. I open the door and call for her again and I get the same ol' same ol' so I went outside and told her she had to get out now... "I'm coming" yea right. She is still in the hot tub and talking to a teen age boy. I walk over to the hot tub and she is still saying I'm coming while not moving at all. I lost it. Told her to get her butt out of the tub NOW or she wouldn't be back the rest of the week. THen walked off. Her excuse? "I had a rubberband stuck in my hair and he was helping me get it loose"

    You would think that with all the earlier drama she would have learned something. But she doesn't. She never learns. I am so frustrated. On the way back to the condo she tried to apologize and I told her I didn't want to hear it. I just don't believe anything she says is truthful, honest, or isn't said unless she thinks she has something to gain by saying it.

    In the past, things were always much better on vacations like this... Usually we had less drama than at home. 4 more days of spring break and 2 years 11 months and 22 days till she is 18. KSM
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hormones do NOT help.
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I have to say that I generally am not a fan of the family vacation anymore. husband insists that we need the "family time together", but for me it's just more of the same ol', same ol'. And since we always get a room with a kitchen and a washer/dryer I'm doing the same things on vacation that I'm doing at home, including being the only parent on duty.

    I hope the rest of the vacation goes smoothly for you.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I can't remember if you've ever said, has she been evaluated for fetal alcohol spectrum disorder?
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We had tried 1 1/2 years ago but ins wouldnt approve of any testing the neuropsychologist wanted to do. We had one consult with the neuropsychologist but it was just between husband and I, she has never seen difficult child. But, difficult child did fill out a questionaire and that is what led to the Dr. wanting to do testing. We did to IQ testing thru the school (which ins said they had to have first) but they still denied any testing/appointments. But we do have different insurance now, and we have an appointment near the end of April.

    The more I have been reading about FASD the more I think it is the problem. No one from the outside has a clue what we deal with at home. Everyone thinks she is a delightful young woman... She is attractive, smart, carries on a conversation with adults with ease. But she doesn't have many friends, can do well in school, but falls behind by not following thru with assignments. Has a wonderful singing voice. But when she doesn't get her way, watch out! She is so intent on getting what she wants that she can't/won't back down. She is like a caged animal and doesn't care who she hurts.

    I do hope we get answers this time... I don't know how cooperative she will be when she finds out about the doctor appointment. We see a therapist about twice a month, but in the past it has gotten no where, as J doesn't think she has a problem, her only problem is us.

  8. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    One more thing... the reason I believe that difficult child has FASD is that my son (difficult child's step dad) met her mom when she was pregnant with difficult child. He saw her do lots of drinking and drugs and participated in it too. He didn't know she was pregnant until a couple months after he met her. He did say that once "she knew she was pregnant" she stopped, but that would put her at at least 4 months pregnant when she stopped drinking., difficult child is a carbon copy of biomom. The way she thinks, acts, talks. Biomom would rationalize all sorts of reasons why she didn't have custody of her older two children. She never held a job for but a few weeks, was always couch surfing to find a place to spend the night, worked as an "exotic dancer", etc. etc. I have now realized that difficult child's biomom probably has FASD too. Biomom's mom also drinks (still) and was probably drinking during her pregnancy. And I bet her mom drank with her. I have heard a little family history, and read a book about their village (Alaskan natives) who grew up on a little island off of Kodiak, Alaska. It sounds like half the village seemed to have alcohol problems. So maybe she comes by all this naturally...

    What also scares me is how "grown up" she wants to look and be. I know part of it is typical teen, but we have been here 3 days and each day I have to tell her to put on more clothes. It could be 24 degrees out, snowing, and she wants to wear short shorts and a tank top and flip flops. We have a house rule that you don't come to the table with a camisole or skimpy tank top on. And just about every day I have to tell her to put on clothes. I am so afraid that she is going to lead someone on to thinking she is older than she is. KSM
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Yeah, odds are there is some neuro damage on top of any genetic conditions handed down.

    That is just too much of a history and her behaviors sound so much like they fit that profile. Esp the rage when so determined. Ugggg.

    Glad you are checking it out. Sorry. :(
  10. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    wow... what next? I just peeked in to the condo unit the girls are in (we share a common hallway but separate doors to each unit) and difficult child is sleeping on the sleeper sofa in the living room instead of the king size bed in the bedroom with her sister) and the blinds are WIDE open to the walkway that connects all the condos on this floor! I had closed them when she was walking around in her swimsuit last night before we went to the pool... so she opened them after we came back from the pool. People can walk right by and see her sleeping in the living room. She has no common sense! No sense of decency or modesty. KSM
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Good thing she has a mom to help protect her....OMG...my son would be so afraid of bad guys coming to take him away (and we all know that isn't gonna happen, lol)
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ugh. What a "vacation"! I'm sorry you're all going through this.
    You've convinced me that it's FASD and heredity ... I feel for you. I just hope you survive the wk with-o losing your mind.