Stands - a little bird told me.....

[Nomad]

I use to use this quote all the time...can't find the original.
It is wonderful.
Whoever has the original...please send it to me in a pm.
It is noteworthy.
Thank you.

 

[standswithcourage]

What quote did you use Nomad? I must of not gotten it. thanks

 

[Nomad]

"I feed all the birds in my yard, but I don't throw the seed into their nests. "
posted by Star on 4/30


This is not an original quote.
It was altered a little...the original is an old favorite of mine.
I just googled a few times and found it...it wasn't easy.
Star's remake is EXCELLENT!~
Bottom line...A good teacher will provide information to all of his students. However, he will not do the work for them.
(my version! LOL!)

 

[standswithcourage]

OK thanks. I feel that is what I have done. I have provided info. today I provided more info - my difficult child says "you have to want to stop Mom and I dont". what a nut! I just wanted to say have a great time in jail on the 20th because this comes with it.

 

[witzend]

Don't provide info. Set yourself free. Stop. Say no. Your summer break from school is coming and you know you are going to want to get all involved again.

 

[Suz]

my difficult child says "you have to want to stop Mom and I dont".

I would print this out several times and post it around the house as a reminder that difficult child is not interested in what you say to him or what you do for him. It is wasted effort and wasted breath.

What this translates to is shutting him down completely. You've heard these recommendations from us many times. We can't make you follow this advice and change any more than you can make your difficult child change.

It's nothing personal, it's simply fact.

No one changes until they want to and are willing to make the effort.

When you are ready to let go you will, and not one second before that.

And when your difficult child is ready to change he will, and not one second before that.

What plans do you have for summer to keep yourself occupied and happy and difficult child-free?

Suz

 

[CrazyinVA]

Well, to be blunt, that's that. The statement from your difficult child says it all.

As heartbreaking as it may be, that statement SETS YOU FREE (to borrow witz' wonderful phrase). No wiggle room. He does not want to stop, period, end of story. There is no point in wasting one more iota of energy on this with him.

I would agree with Suz that you need to post that, remember it, repeat it.

 

[standswithcourage]

thanks all. I will post it. I will set my self free. I love the way that sounds. For the summer I plan to go to a family reunion at my grandfathers homeplace (they have all passed away except for my Dad). I will spend some time with my Dad also and my sister. I will go to some education courses that I need and try to stay focused on me. When I hear from difficult child it makes me want to tell him - I just want you to be free of drugs - but sometimes I just need not to say anything like that - I am learning not to say anything when he hits me with some crazy stuff like what drugs he has been doing and why and what he needs and how all the people he does yards for feel sorry for him and give him food, etc., etc., whatever........my easy child will graduate from high school in about 2 weeks. I am so proud of him. However, back to difficult child - he is a survivor but who knows for how long - I cant change him -

 

[witzend]

I just want you to be free of drugs - but sometimes I just need not to say anything like that -

No, Susan. All of the time you need to not say anything like that. You want to set him free of drugs? There is no way. In all of our lives for all of us, only you can set yourself free, only I can set myself free, only Suz can set Suz free, only your difficult child can set himself free.

And in all of those cases, and for everyone else in the world, you can only think about how to set yourself free from your own demons. His demon isn't a demon to you, you can walk away from it any day. He likes his demon and wants to stay, so there's no setting himself free yet, and you can't set him free.

Find your own demon, Susan. The Co-dependency demon, and decide whether you want to stop. If you do, set yourself free. Because that co-dependency demon is buddies with his drug addiction demon and maybe his demon won't be as strong if you aren't involved with your demon anymore.

 

[standswithcourage]

Absolutely true. I will try reading Codependency No More again. That is a good point. thanks

 

[witzend]

OK. Time to start a new thread? Please tell us about your younger son's graduation, and his hopes and dreams, and his college plans, or his not college plans...

New thread?