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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 709134" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Joanie, its not you. Its her. Genetic maybe, differently wired thinking, who knows? And heres a secret: it happens a lot these days. We give too much and make sure they suffer no hardship. We do this out of love but there are consequences. I read once or more yhat this is the narcicistic age. Our mothers didnt over worry about everything we did or didnt do and we had chores and i had to babysit for my money. I got no free car or brand name clothes or free ride to college (i didnt go but if I had, the loan would have been on me). If I was sad, i didnt have anyone worrying about it. I cried alone. Nobody noticed.</p><p></p><p>Then we grew up and decided our kids would never shed a tear that we didnt wipe. We woud give them everything with no effort from them. Just because we didnt want them to go without every advantage. Guess what? Now there is an epidemic of adult kids who cut out their parents. It isnt rare. They expect us to still hand them money and wipe their noses. And if we dont, we are expendable.</p><p></p><p>You didnt do anything but love her. She is the one in my opinion in the wrong. That doesnt make it hurt less, but please dont blame yourself. These days therapists are telling kids to go "no contact" with "toxic parents." They dont know us, but we are toxic. I think this mindset is a fad, but it is here now. I wish it a quick death.</p><p></p><p>Try to have a peaceful day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 709134, member: 1550"] Joanie, its not you. Its her. Genetic maybe, differently wired thinking, who knows? And heres a secret: it happens a lot these days. We give too much and make sure they suffer no hardship. We do this out of love but there are consequences. I read once or more yhat this is the narcicistic age. Our mothers didnt over worry about everything we did or didnt do and we had chores and i had to babysit for my money. I got no free car or brand name clothes or free ride to college (i didnt go but if I had, the loan would have been on me). If I was sad, i didnt have anyone worrying about it. I cried alone. Nobody noticed. Then we grew up and decided our kids would never shed a tear that we didnt wipe. We woud give them everything with no effort from them. Just because we didnt want them to go without every advantage. Guess what? Now there is an epidemic of adult kids who cut out their parents. It isnt rare. They expect us to still hand them money and wipe their noses. And if we dont, we are expendable. You didnt do anything but love her. She is the one in my opinion in the wrong. That doesnt make it hurt less, but please dont blame yourself. These days therapists are telling kids to go "no contact" with "toxic parents." They dont know us, but we are toxic. I think this mindset is a fad, but it is here now. I wish it a quick death. Try to have a peaceful day. [/QUOTE]
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