Starting high school should be fun..sigh..what the heck is going to happen...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lonelyroad, Sep 19, 2012.

  1. lonelyroad

    lonelyroad New Member

    Getting her there is an ordeal, Monday morning she had a panic attack in the car, wouldn't get out, etc.etc...ended up scratching her arm with her nail, enough to draw blood, in total frustration..
    Finally took her home, where her Dad would be in an hour...texted her and asked if she would go after lunch and she said she would, so that was good..
    She went to all classes yesterday, but cried all last night, couldn't do her homework, wants to drop down in applied for her geography and math class...IF I thought this would help, I would JUMP on it, but truly think it's just her way of blaming everything on school..

    Truly what are we to do, this is a smart kid who LOVED school, not doing this to be defiant, but has such a deep fear of going into school that she shuts down...we have extensively questioned her about this. no clear answers..

    She often says she would rather be dead then go to school and sometimes asks me to admit her to the hospital...before anyone says good idea, lol...our hospital DOESN't yet have a inpatient child psychiatric unless she is in immediate danger to herself they will NOT admit her and she would be in an adult ward, which they don't want...or on the kids floor with regular nurses, no psychiatric training...

    Last night she cried about having no close friend..she has met a few new kids but they all have a "best" friend which she desperately wants....but cannot find, then she cried about her best friend who moved away 2.5 years ago....truly traumatic situation for her, she was left alone...
  2. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Lonely, I am so sorry that this is happening. We are right there with you. I know things are somewhat different with your difficult child. I have actually gotten somewhat nasty with difficult child this year. And I hate every second of it. But,I make her get up and get in the car. And if/when she has refused to get out, I get out of the car and physically remove her from the car if need be. Usually just the threat of me getting out is enough because there are other kids around. And, I hate every minute of having to do it, but I know it is what she needs to do. I so wish that you could get her into the hospital. I think she needs it. I think she needs her medications at least adjusted. But it seems as if she needs something more than just the abilify to control the anxiety.
    And, I do not know how University works where you are, but is it really going to matter if she moves down in a couple of classes? That has been the hardest thing for me to come to terms with. That MY goals for difficult child had to change when all of this came to a head. That what I want for her life may not be a realistic goal. And, for the most part I am OK with it. But there are days I still mourn the brilliant girl I lost. I know I have asked before, but how far away is the closest children's psychiatric hospital? Is there an outpatient program she could go to? I know online isn't an option since you, like us want her in school. But, what about a compromise? My difficult child is taking one course online, but she takes it at school. They have a classroom dedicated to online learning. So, she is still at school. Hugs. Hope there are better days to come.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Maybe you need to keep up the medications hunt.

    Anxiety and depression often go together. And unless the medications are being effective, the cycle feeds itself and gets worse. She needs different, additional or higher dose of medications... you have to break the chemical cycle that is going on in the brain.
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Eeyore is in the applied level classes for 50% of his day-- not because he is not capable of doing the same level work as the regular class but because he needs constant emotional support throughout the day. He actually learns the same thing (same book, same final) as the kids in the regular ed classes.

    Have you ever been able to find out what happened in December 2010? Was that when her best friend moved away?
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    When I was 11 my best friend moved away. I don't know why but it triggered a 5 year depression. Sometimes a friend moving away is enough to start it. Of course there might have been something else going on with your difficult child.

    Is the online learning an option for you? What does her psychiatrist say about changing medications?
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I agree with the medications issue. This one is either not at the right dose to help or it is the wrong medication entirely. She won't be able to get out of this "funk" without help from the right medication at the right dose. She's too far into the trough of depression. Liahona has a great question. Is online or home school a possibility until she gets into a "good" place again? I know that's what I had to do when difficult child 1 got that low. It was harming him emotionally being forced to go to school when he was in no position to handle it. I hated what it was doing to him so I found an alternative.

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you both.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, she's really deep into it. I am so sorry, for both of you!
    Does she have an IEP or 504, so maybe you could write in a request for an older student or school officer to greet her at the door with a smile and escort to the room?
    Are you sure it was because her friend moved away that this is all happening? Do you think anything "bad" happened at school last year, in addition to the friend moving away?
    I would definitely either change or increase the anti anxiety medications.
    When is your next therapist and psychiatrist appointment?
    Many hugs.
  8. lonelyroad

    lonelyroad New Member

    The abilify saves us from the deep dark depressions where she cries 24/7, now we need to figure out the school anxiety part and how to get her into the building...
    We have a family doctors appointment Monday, followed by psycologist..then Wednesday psyciatrist and psycologist to discuss medications....
    The big difference is she is fine at home, if no pressure to go to school...before she would be in her room crying all day...
  9. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I'm so sorry. My daughter is struggling similarly this year. She had switched last year toward later part of year. She was in a catholic jk-8 school her entire life and joined 7th grade 2/3's through the year into a public school. It was once a 9-12 school until a few years ago they added grades 7 & 8. This year they have also added French immersion students into the school. It has caused my daughter to be struggling about friends. Plenty of kids talk and are kind to her. But she too finds the girls all have thee "best friend" and she can't quite merge into a social group. She begged last week for me to homeschool her. Not a good decision for my daughter. She needs the social exposure that school lends. But I wish I could have a clean conscience about homeschooling. But I definitely know I can't do that to her or for her.
    I wish I had wisdom. I sadly do not. Just thought I'd share so that you can know that your daughter isn't alone in this. So many kids think they are the only lonely ones.
  10. lonelyroad

    lonelyroad New Member

    It just seems so unfair to have these young kids deal with this ****...epression SUCKS!!
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you are dealing with co-morbid mood disorders. The medications are helping the depression, but not the anxiety - and anxiety can either be generalized, or more specific - in this case, it's "school-related anxiety"... take school out of the picture, and the anxiety doesn't show up. It could be various forms of anxiety - there are many sides to school, including social pressures. But... it IS anxiety, and it IS related to school, and it IS causing difficulties in navigating the normal requirements of life (we expect kids this age to be in school...)

    By the time you get to Wednesday... hopefully the others have the ducks lined up and the psychiatrist is on top of things.