tryingtobestrong
Active Member
I am looking for feedback on this. I feel like I am starting to cave. I have been doing well not enabling my 24 year old who lives 1700 miles away. I don't send any money or pay any of his bills like rent, comcast, etc. I did keep him on my cell phone plan because that way I can see that he is still alive by seeing he is using it.
About 4 weeks ago he asked if I would help him and his new girlfriend out by paying for airfare tickets to go to a concert... I completely ignored that text. The following week he send me a copy of a bill that I used to pay for the last 3 years and I replied that since I am not on his lease anymore I don't feel I should have to pay it. I got an "Lol" and that was it. No angry text back nothing.
So since then he has not text me at all... It hurts.
I feel like maybe I should help him out and pay that bill. It is around $130 for the year. I know my son is struggling with all of his bills but most of them were created due to his drinking and not caring what he charged.
He is working fulltime but his pay barely covers all of his bills. He has many ER copays he needs to pay due to going there when drunk. I refuse to help with them.
I don't know why I am getting this urge to help him out just a bit. I don't want to start something by paying one bill and have him look for me to continue.
I need to be strong but I read that tough love is not always the answer. It kills me that we don't communicate. It hurts me that he doesn't reach out and ask how everyone is doing or how the pets are that we took him from him. I feel deceitful that I haven't told him about putting our family dog to sleep or about his grandfathers health issues. He has not even asked about anyone or anything since December so I don't know why I am caring all of a sudden.
He doesn't return his dads calls either- so why am I feeling like I should help him with a bill??? ugh!
About 4 weeks ago he asked if I would help him and his new girlfriend out by paying for airfare tickets to go to a concert... I completely ignored that text. The following week he send me a copy of a bill that I used to pay for the last 3 years and I replied that since I am not on his lease anymore I don't feel I should have to pay it. I got an "Lol" and that was it. No angry text back nothing.
So since then he has not text me at all... It hurts.
I feel like maybe I should help him out and pay that bill. It is around $130 for the year. I know my son is struggling with all of his bills but most of them were created due to his drinking and not caring what he charged.
He is working fulltime but his pay barely covers all of his bills. He has many ER copays he needs to pay due to going there when drunk. I refuse to help with them.
I don't know why I am getting this urge to help him out just a bit. I don't want to start something by paying one bill and have him look for me to continue.
I need to be strong but I read that tough love is not always the answer. It kills me that we don't communicate. It hurts me that he doesn't reach out and ask how everyone is doing or how the pets are that we took him from him. I feel deceitful that I haven't told him about putting our family dog to sleep or about his grandfathers health issues. He has not even asked about anyone or anything since December so I don't know why I am caring all of a sudden.
He doesn't return his dads calls either- so why am I feeling like I should help him with a bill??? ugh!