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Substance Abuse
Staying detached while tethered....
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 687853" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>My son is really aggravating me from sober living (1500 miles away at that!) and I just want it to end. He keeps saying he wants to live on his own because the people in his sober house are all "losers". </p><p></p><p>I know that he was a "loser" as he calls it when he left our home for rehab 3 months ago. He is now in sober living and working steady 35 hours per week for 6 weeks and I'm pretty sure the only reason he is sober is because he has so much accountability there. He rolls his eyes at the three days he has to go to IOP meetings and doesn't go to NA or AA meetings. Doesn't like to talk in front of groups due to anxiety he says. </p><p>For the most part, he seems to be doing pretty well, likes his job and gets along okay for his first time at being away from home most days.</p><p></p><p>He is 20 and so immature.</p><p></p><p>The plan is he will live in the step down sober living house after the house he is in now and go to community college while there. Last fall he was in 2 classes and doing well but on a benzo binge when he was at home so we pulled him out and sent him to rehab. So obviously that is some kind of trigger so we just want him to stay in sober living and go to school and see he can do it sober.</p><p></p><p>I told him he has not earned living alone and nor can we afford it.</p><p></p><p>He also asks to go live in our (now empty) condo 150 miles away from where he is now until school starts. NO NO NO. That is basically a retirement community. He needs to be with his peers whether he likes them or not, whether he talks to them or not. That condo is for US not him. I told him that. We've worked our whole lives for that little piece of the pie. He stayed there last summer for a few weeks and did nothing. We had hoped he'd get a job so we could let him stay but all he did was stay inside there alone and drink anything he could get his hands on.</p><p></p><p>Best case scenario is that he stays in step down one year while in community college and then we can see how he is doing then maybe can make a change to share an apartment off campus.</p><p></p><p>I feel him breaking me down. NOT that I'll let him do either of the above but just sucking me back into the codependency. I feel I'm thinking about it all the time now and I just hate it. I am trying to be supportive of his sobriety - we both are but maybe I need to cut conversations or texts off when he goes to places I don't want to go.</p><p></p><p>Any words of advice?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 687853, member: 15032"] My son is really aggravating me from sober living (1500 miles away at that!) and I just want it to end. He keeps saying he wants to live on his own because the people in his sober house are all "losers". I know that he was a "loser" as he calls it when he left our home for rehab 3 months ago. He is now in sober living and working steady 35 hours per week for 6 weeks and I'm pretty sure the only reason he is sober is because he has so much accountability there. He rolls his eyes at the three days he has to go to IOP meetings and doesn't go to NA or AA meetings. Doesn't like to talk in front of groups due to anxiety he says. For the most part, he seems to be doing pretty well, likes his job and gets along okay for his first time at being away from home most days. He is 20 and so immature. The plan is he will live in the step down sober living house after the house he is in now and go to community college while there. Last fall he was in 2 classes and doing well but on a benzo binge when he was at home so we pulled him out and sent him to rehab. So obviously that is some kind of trigger so we just want him to stay in sober living and go to school and see he can do it sober. I told him he has not earned living alone and nor can we afford it. He also asks to go live in our (now empty) condo 150 miles away from where he is now until school starts. NO NO NO. That is basically a retirement community. He needs to be with his peers whether he likes them or not, whether he talks to them or not. That condo is for US not him. I told him that. We've worked our whole lives for that little piece of the pie. He stayed there last summer for a few weeks and did nothing. We had hoped he'd get a job so we could let him stay but all he did was stay inside there alone and drink anything he could get his hands on. Best case scenario is that he stays in step down one year while in community college and then we can see how he is doing then maybe can make a change to share an apartment off campus. I feel him breaking me down. NOT that I'll let him do either of the above but just sucking me back into the codependency. I feel I'm thinking about it all the time now and I just hate it. I am trying to be supportive of his sobriety - we both are but maybe I need to cut conversations or texts off when he goes to places I don't want to go. Any words of advice? [/QUOTE]
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