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Substance Abuse
Staying detached while tethered....
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<blockquote data-quote="Sister's Keeper" data-source="post: 687916" data-attributes="member: 20051"><p>I don't mean to be unkind, really. This is a situation that I am familiar with, and I am also in groups that will call out behavior. Sometimes it seems harsh, but sometimes we need our eyes opened.</p><p></p><p>RN, honestly, I wouldn't call it "binges" I would call it "relapses." </p><p></p><p>I have seen this attitude a lot with addicts and families of addicts where they feel that they aren't "really" addicts because they use prescription medications, not street drugs, or because they haven't had the legal complications many of our addicts have. </p><p></p><p>This is a discussion I have with my sister. It's about her kids. I have told her, and my line in the sand is very firm, that she cannot have any contact with the kids unless she is sober, and since I am NA hardass by sober I don't mean not just using, that isn't sobriety, but actively sober as in clean and actively involved in her recovery for at least a year. </p><p></p><p>I think, and I am sorry, but I think that you need support also. I think al-anon or Nar-anon is a good place to start. I also think that you need to get very tough. I know I have said this before, but I would sell the car. Use it to recoup some of the funds you have laid out. Having that car will cause nothing but problems, believe me. Not to mention, Dog forbid, he use it under the influence and your name is on the title. </p><p></p><p>I also think that offering to pay for any type of housing other than sober living is a mistake. If he wants to live on his own let him pay for it. </p><p></p><p>I'm on the fence about school. </p><p></p><p>Maybe having a firm set of "rules" with a timeline is what you need to do, such as what you absolutely will or won't pay for and what level of sobriety has to be met in order to achieve that. Like I would say, "If you maintain a job and stay clean for a year we will pay for 2 community college classes a semester, but you have to pass them with C or better." or some such thing that works for you.</p><p></p><p>I think that you also need to be firm about consequences of relapse or leaving the program or not committing to the program.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sister's Keeper, post: 687916, member: 20051"] I don't mean to be unkind, really. This is a situation that I am familiar with, and I am also in groups that will call out behavior. Sometimes it seems harsh, but sometimes we need our eyes opened. RN, honestly, I wouldn't call it "binges" I would call it "relapses." I have seen this attitude a lot with addicts and families of addicts where they feel that they aren't "really" addicts because they use prescription medications, not street drugs, or because they haven't had the legal complications many of our addicts have. This is a discussion I have with my sister. It's about her kids. I have told her, and my line in the sand is very firm, that she cannot have any contact with the kids unless she is sober, and since I am NA hardass by sober I don't mean not just using, that isn't sobriety, but actively sober as in clean and actively involved in her recovery for at least a year. I think, and I am sorry, but I think that you need support also. I think al-anon or Nar-anon is a good place to start. I also think that you need to get very tough. I know I have said this before, but I would sell the car. Use it to recoup some of the funds you have laid out. Having that car will cause nothing but problems, believe me. Not to mention, Dog forbid, he use it under the influence and your name is on the title. I also think that offering to pay for any type of housing other than sober living is a mistake. If he wants to live on his own let him pay for it. I'm on the fence about school. Maybe having a firm set of "rules" with a timeline is what you need to do, such as what you absolutely will or won't pay for and what level of sobriety has to be met in order to achieve that. Like I would say, "If you maintain a job and stay clean for a year we will pay for 2 community college classes a semester, but you have to pass them with C or better." or some such thing that works for you. I think that you also need to be firm about consequences of relapse or leaving the program or not committing to the program. [/QUOTE]
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Staying detached while tethered....
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