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Failure to Thrive
Staying in the Moment . . .
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 722681" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>At 32, your son is not a wayward kid. He knows right from wrong and if he doesnt do it, it is more that he wont than that he cant. Dont fall for his "it takes time." What takes time? Working anf paying for your own stuff? Realizing that you dont hurt people? He knows he shouldnt. He doesnt have to. He just does. You are more patient thsn me. My oldest was a little like yours, but nowhere near as extreme and a less skilled con artist. At 21 i made him leave and he was lucky his dad took him in. He stopped the stealing, has a good job now, and can still be difficult, but he is a caring father and lives a few states away. He is 40 today (its his birthday) and he is lucky he got it together. At 40, he is too old for me to be patient if he is awful. I refuse to talk to him if he so much as raises his voice and he likes to stay in close touch so usually he is polite.</p><p></p><p>How many second chances does a 32 year old need before you understand that right now he is not nice and needs to Come to Jesus (not in the religious sense) and decide that it is best for himself and his loved ones to stop, stop, stop destroying others. Drugs an issue?</p><p></p><p>I am sorry to sound harsh, if I do. I tend to have more patience for a struggling twenty year old and believe bad behavior becomes more ingrained and a part of the persons fiber if they retain bad behavior into the late 20s/30s. Your son is trying because he doesnt want yoh to throw him out. There is a gain for him to try. Does he act steeped in remorse for what he did? He should be full of remorse. If not, he could lack empathy. If he lacks empathy, he may not care about anyone but himself. If he has no remorse, you likely should protect yourself from him. Dont tell him what you WILL do if at 32 he doesnt stop lying or stealing. Do it. I think it is risky to have him in your home.</p><p></p><p>You have a life too. You can spend the rest of it trying the same ole same ole trying to fix this man, but no matter how hard you try you wont succeed. You will destroy the rest of your life and go down with him. But you wont fix him. He has to want to change and do it himself. Do you have other loved ones, friends, hobbies, interests? Your loved ones who are kind to you need you. You need to be kind to yourself too.</p><p></p><p>The only person you can fix is yourself. I highly recommend private therapy. This dance of stress needs to stop or it could kill you. You need positivity in your life, not this.</p><p></p><p>I wish you well. No mother should ever be abused and violated from a child. Its up to you but you dont need to put up with this. You cant be there forever even if you want to. All of us will die one day.</p><p></p><p>Hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 722681, member: 1550"] At 32, your son is not a wayward kid. He knows right from wrong and if he doesnt do it, it is more that he wont than that he cant. Dont fall for his "it takes time." What takes time? Working anf paying for your own stuff? Realizing that you dont hurt people? He knows he shouldnt. He doesnt have to. He just does. You are more patient thsn me. My oldest was a little like yours, but nowhere near as extreme and a less skilled con artist. At 21 i made him leave and he was lucky his dad took him in. He stopped the stealing, has a good job now, and can still be difficult, but he is a caring father and lives a few states away. He is 40 today (its his birthday) and he is lucky he got it together. At 40, he is too old for me to be patient if he is awful. I refuse to talk to him if he so much as raises his voice and he likes to stay in close touch so usually he is polite. How many second chances does a 32 year old need before you understand that right now he is not nice and needs to Come to Jesus (not in the religious sense) and decide that it is best for himself and his loved ones to stop, stop, stop destroying others. Drugs an issue? I am sorry to sound harsh, if I do. I tend to have more patience for a struggling twenty year old and believe bad behavior becomes more ingrained and a part of the persons fiber if they retain bad behavior into the late 20s/30s. Your son is trying because he doesnt want yoh to throw him out. There is a gain for him to try. Does he act steeped in remorse for what he did? He should be full of remorse. If not, he could lack empathy. If he lacks empathy, he may not care about anyone but himself. If he has no remorse, you likely should protect yourself from him. Dont tell him what you WILL do if at 32 he doesnt stop lying or stealing. Do it. I think it is risky to have him in your home. You have a life too. You can spend the rest of it trying the same ole same ole trying to fix this man, but no matter how hard you try you wont succeed. You will destroy the rest of your life and go down with him. But you wont fix him. He has to want to change and do it himself. Do you have other loved ones, friends, hobbies, interests? Your loved ones who are kind to you need you. You need to be kind to yourself too. The only person you can fix is yourself. I highly recommend private therapy. This dance of stress needs to stop or it could kill you. You need positivity in your life, not this. I wish you well. No mother should ever be abused and violated from a child. Its up to you but you dont need to put up with this. You cant be there forever even if you want to. All of us will die one day. Hugs! [/QUOTE]
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