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<blockquote data-quote="Marty Gilroy" data-source="post: 697500" data-attributes="member: 20650"><p>Thanks to everyone!</p><p></p><p>While I don't have experience raising a family, my husband has told me that his middle daughter does not understand inferences (at all) and that that things need to be spelled out in a direct, though kind, way. For me, that was no problem at all. However, he was very stressed about her coming to live with us, again, this summer because the last few summers were quite challenging. We were both relieved when she went back to school.</p><p></p><p>Thus, he decided to type and print a list of house rules so all of us would be on the same page in terms of expectations & responsibilities. To start, she was expected to find a job for the summer before Americorps began in late August. She was expected to buy her own food & beverages. If she doesn't buy it, she can't eat/drink it. She was expected to pay $300 rent + utilities each month. Last, she was expected to contribute to household chores. He believed having the rules would be a good, clear way for her to learn about managing finances/budgeting, develop greater independence with responsibility, and receive a gentle introduction to what's needed when you live on your own as an adult. She resented that he typed the rules out, then went over each rule, one by one, one evening. She completely wanted him to stop. "I'm not a child!" So, he stopped, gave her a set of rule and put the other set on the 'fridge.</p><p></p><p>The next day, she drank a Corona in the fridge & put the empty in the recycling bag. When I saw the empty bottle, I asked her about it. She declared that it was her brother's beer. She thought it would be okay because it was his beer. Yet, she knew it perfectly well it was mine. Last summer, she complained that my bottled waters & beer took up space in the fridge that she wanted. I did make room for her. I also mentioned in a direct way, though not unkind, that she's staying in <u>our</u> home and when she has a place of her own, she can organize the kitchen anyway she likes.</p><p></p><p>Her "helping herself" to vodka or beer, isn't the issue as much the purposeful defiance and clear f _ _ _ you! message she's delivering. My husband was so angry he couldn't speak to her, especially since the beer incident followed the previous night's rule review she so resented. Another issue separate from our home is that she needs to develop better personal boundaries, if she plans to live with flatmates or housemates. </p><p></p><p>Additionally, she got a job in June, but was fired two weeks later. Apparently, others complained about her not taking initiative at work, as she had to be told to do XYZ & told to do ABC, rather than just doing it as everyone else had been. I suspect this & other inferences alluded her due to having Asperger's Syndrome. She got another job in July, which she liked very much, but quit 3-4 weeks later because she wanted to search for a room to rent when the Americorps position started.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marty Gilroy, post: 697500, member: 20650"] Thanks to everyone! While I don't have experience raising a family, my husband has told me that his middle daughter does not understand inferences (at all) and that that things need to be spelled out in a direct, though kind, way. For me, that was no problem at all. However, he was very stressed about her coming to live with us, again, this summer because the last few summers were quite challenging. We were both relieved when she went back to school. Thus, he decided to type and print a list of house rules so all of us would be on the same page in terms of expectations & responsibilities. To start, she was expected to find a job for the summer before Americorps began in late August. She was expected to buy her own food & beverages. If she doesn't buy it, she can't eat/drink it. She was expected to pay $300 rent + utilities each month. Last, she was expected to contribute to household chores. He believed having the rules would be a good, clear way for her to learn about managing finances/budgeting, develop greater independence with responsibility, and receive a gentle introduction to what's needed when you live on your own as an adult. She resented that he typed the rules out, then went over each rule, one by one, one evening. She completely wanted him to stop. "I'm not a child!" So, he stopped, gave her a set of rule and put the other set on the 'fridge. The next day, she drank a Corona in the fridge & put the empty in the recycling bag. When I saw the empty bottle, I asked her about it. She declared that it was her brother's beer. She thought it would be okay because it was his beer. Yet, she knew it perfectly well it was mine. Last summer, she complained that my bottled waters & beer took up space in the fridge that she wanted. I did make room for her. I also mentioned in a direct way, though not unkind, that she's staying in [U]our[/U] home and when she has a place of her own, she can organize the kitchen anyway she likes. Her "helping herself" to vodka or beer, isn't the issue as much the purposeful defiance and clear f _ _ _ you! message she's delivering. My husband was so angry he couldn't speak to her, especially since the beer incident followed the previous night's rule review she so resented. Another issue separate from our home is that she needs to develop better personal boundaries, if she plans to live with flatmates or housemates. Additionally, she got a job in June, but was fired two weeks later. Apparently, others complained about her not taking initiative at work, as she had to be told to do XYZ & told to do ABC, rather than just doing it as everyone else had been. I suspect this & other inferences alluded her due to having Asperger's Syndrome. She got another job in July, which she liked very much, but quit 3-4 weeks later because she wanted to search for a room to rent when the Americorps position started. [/QUOTE]
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