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step-MOM feeling stepped on!!
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<blockquote data-quote="heavenhelpme" data-source="post: 67271" data-attributes="member: 3987"><p>Thanks to everyone for your supportive words. It is such a relief to finally talk to people who feel my pain.</p><p>We have been in therapy for a long time, but the first few years (when my son was likely exhibiting ODD symptoms) were really a joke. The counselor never really made difficult child talk, and being as intelligent as he is, difficult child quickly learned how to tell the counselor what he wanted to hear. We are currently in family and difficult child individual therapy. We drive over 100 miles once a week to attend the sessions, however the counselor's methods don't seem to be consist and she doesn't seem to follow up from previous sessions. We went through the parent management training in family therapy and it really helped...with our two pcs..our difficult child never responded to the changes. I was so stressed out that I had lost patience with all of my kids, my difficult child was requiring so much of my time and effort that the other two weren't allowed to act up, because I had no patience left for even the smallest of actions. PMT gave me the chance to step back and see the mistakes I was making as a stressed out mom. I am grateful for that. I only wish difficult child would have a positive response to the changes. difficult child wants to control our house and I just can't see myself allowing that. I try to get him to understand that he does control a lot in the house, by making certain choices he controls how quickly he gets to play after school, what rewards he earns, and how his day goes. Needless to say this isn't enough he wants more.</p><p>We to have been through the steps of the legal system. At first we didn't have custody of difficult child, but I had him 5-6 days a week, at the age of three we got custody of him (with biomom having visits when she could fit him into her busy schedule), and in Jan of 2006 we terminate biomom's rights (however maternal grandmom was awarded monthly visits..we have had to recently suspend those because of her constant violation of the court's order). I have always cherished the thought of adopting difficult child, but now that it is possible, all of the problems we have been through and are going through have me too scared to go through with it. I know it makes me a coward, but I'm terrified. It's not just the behavior that has me scared, it's all of the family members that judge me, and have the nerve to think they could take him in and everything would just be peachy. If they only had the chance to live a day in my life, they would go running in the opposite direction. I wish I could say my husband was supportive and stood up for our situation consistently, but I can't. He has choosen the path of least resisitance...meaning he leaves me to handle all of the situations..whether it is dealing with the difficult child's school, the extended family, or interacting with the difficult child.</p><p>We have also tried the removal of items. difficult child would lose items and then we would explain what needed to be done to earn them back. Basically it boiled down to speak to us with respect and don't whine everytime you're asked to do something. difficult child made zero effort to earn back his things. In fact in one situation he had his paternal grandmother take him shopping to buy one of the items that he had lost...his words to us "well I didn't want to have to earn it back."</p><p>I do get a little time away from the house and from "life." I get to go to the gym for an hour about 3 times a week and every other month or so I go to Bingo for a few hours.</p><p>As for difficult child being miserable...I agree. Even with all of the stress and tension created by his behavior I feel so bad for him. He doen't have any friends. While our younger son is constantly going to a friend's or having friends over, difficult child has nobody to hang out with and bond with. I truly feel bad and have done many things to help him interact with his peers and make friends, but nothing works. It seems his "everyone always and I never attitude" drives the kids away.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for listening!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="heavenhelpme, post: 67271, member: 3987"] Thanks to everyone for your supportive words. It is such a relief to finally talk to people who feel my pain. We have been in therapy for a long time, but the first few years (when my son was likely exhibiting ODD symptoms) were really a joke. The counselor never really made difficult child talk, and being as intelligent as he is, difficult child quickly learned how to tell the counselor what he wanted to hear. We are currently in family and difficult child individual therapy. We drive over 100 miles once a week to attend the sessions, however the counselor's methods don't seem to be consist and she doesn't seem to follow up from previous sessions. We went through the parent management training in family therapy and it really helped...with our two pcs..our difficult child never responded to the changes. I was so stressed out that I had lost patience with all of my kids, my difficult child was requiring so much of my time and effort that the other two weren't allowed to act up, because I had no patience left for even the smallest of actions. PMT gave me the chance to step back and see the mistakes I was making as a stressed out mom. I am grateful for that. I only wish difficult child would have a positive response to the changes. difficult child wants to control our house and I just can't see myself allowing that. I try to get him to understand that he does control a lot in the house, by making certain choices he controls how quickly he gets to play after school, what rewards he earns, and how his day goes. Needless to say this isn't enough he wants more. We to have been through the steps of the legal system. At first we didn't have custody of difficult child, but I had him 5-6 days a week, at the age of three we got custody of him (with biomom having visits when she could fit him into her busy schedule), and in Jan of 2006 we terminate biomom's rights (however maternal grandmom was awarded monthly visits..we have had to recently suspend those because of her constant violation of the court's order). I have always cherished the thought of adopting difficult child, but now that it is possible, all of the problems we have been through and are going through have me too scared to go through with it. I know it makes me a coward, but I'm terrified. It's not just the behavior that has me scared, it's all of the family members that judge me, and have the nerve to think they could take him in and everything would just be peachy. If they only had the chance to live a day in my life, they would go running in the opposite direction. I wish I could say my husband was supportive and stood up for our situation consistently, but I can't. He has choosen the path of least resisitance...meaning he leaves me to handle all of the situations..whether it is dealing with the difficult child's school, the extended family, or interacting with the difficult child. We have also tried the removal of items. difficult child would lose items and then we would explain what needed to be done to earn them back. Basically it boiled down to speak to us with respect and don't whine everytime you're asked to do something. difficult child made zero effort to earn back his things. In fact in one situation he had his paternal grandmother take him shopping to buy one of the items that he had lost...his words to us "well I didn't want to have to earn it back." I do get a little time away from the house and from "life." I get to go to the gym for an hour about 3 times a week and every other month or so I go to Bingo for a few hours. As for difficult child being miserable...I agree. Even with all of the stress and tension created by his behavior I feel so bad for him. He doen't have any friends. While our younger son is constantly going to a friend's or having friends over, difficult child has nobody to hang out with and bond with. I truly feel bad and have done many things to help him interact with his peers and make friends, but nothing works. It seems his "everyone always and I never attitude" drives the kids away. Thanks for listening!!! [/QUOTE]
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