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step-MOM feeling stepped on!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Coookie" data-source="post: 67384" data-attributes="member: 1587"><p>Welcome...</p><p></p><p>I have been away for awhile but your thread caught my eye and I did want to respond. I agree with DDD in her advice and I want to share a bit of my story also.</p><p></p><p>I raised my stepson since he was 2. He had no contact with his bio-mom until March of this year (her choice). I left a career to raise my husbands 2 sons when we got custody and while things were very tough at times I probably would do it again.</p><p></p><p>The oldest left us at 14 and returned to his mom but the youngest (difficult child) remained with us.</p><p></p><p>I would encourage you, very strongly, to get your difficult child solidly diagnosis'd, if possible, and keep on until you find a dr. that you feel comfortable and confident in.</p><p></p><p>We didn't start seeking help for our "problems" with difficult child until he was in his teens and at that point time was running out quickly.</p><p></p><p>We have been through some very rough times and they are not over yet but I wouldn't trade him for the world. He is my heart. Has been since he was a little guy and being a stepmom sets you up for some strong judgements from different people just because of the "step" part. BUT..... it is the love you feel for this child, your desire to help him and guide him and find him the help he needs to live a happy, full, and productive life that IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER. :smile: If that is your goal, which I believe it is, than what others think is just so much garbage. Listen to what your heart is telling you sweetie...not what others are saying.</p><p></p><p>As far as your husband (dear husband) is involved. It is imperative that you both be on the same page when it comes to your difficult child. I couldn't have done it without the support of my husband. Even if we didn't agree, we disagreed outside of his earshot. Presenting a united front, and a 50/50 stand is so important. Not only for your difficult child but equally important for your sanity.</p><p></p><p>Because I was home and we homeschooled our difficult child I handled 90% of the discipline, etc.... but difficult child knew that his dad was equally involved in the decisions concerning him.</p><p></p><p>I know you love your little guy, I can read it in your words and wanting to give up at times is such a natural instinct...to stop the pain...but you are invested now, adoption or no adoption..your heart is in it. :smile:</p><p></p><p>Keep posting, the people here saved my sanity so many times, and seek help...keep seeking it..put on your Warrior Mom Armor :warrior: and keep on fighting.</p><p></p><p>One other thing...in this book I have written...take care of yourself...do nice things just for you...bubble baths with lit candles...etc...dealing with a difficult child can wear you to your very core and without you who does he have in there fighting for him?</p><p></p><p>Hope I haven't stepped out of line in anything I have said but I have been there done that for many years and I can't help believing that someday our difficult children will remember who was there in their corner, with the boxing gloves on....fighting with/for them...wanting the best that life has to offer for them.</p><p></p><p>Sending gentle, understanding hugs.... :smile:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Coookie, post: 67384, member: 1587"] Welcome... I have been away for awhile but your thread caught my eye and I did want to respond. I agree with DDD in her advice and I want to share a bit of my story also. I raised my stepson since he was 2. He had no contact with his bio-mom until March of this year (her choice). I left a career to raise my husbands 2 sons when we got custody and while things were very tough at times I probably would do it again. The oldest left us at 14 and returned to his mom but the youngest (difficult child) remained with us. I would encourage you, very strongly, to get your difficult child solidly diagnosis'd, if possible, and keep on until you find a dr. that you feel comfortable and confident in. We didn't start seeking help for our "problems" with difficult child until he was in his teens and at that point time was running out quickly. We have been through some very rough times and they are not over yet but I wouldn't trade him for the world. He is my heart. Has been since he was a little guy and being a stepmom sets you up for some strong judgements from different people just because of the "step" part. BUT..... it is the love you feel for this child, your desire to help him and guide him and find him the help he needs to live a happy, full, and productive life that IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER. [img]:smile:[/img] If that is your goal, which I believe it is, than what others think is just so much garbage. Listen to what your heart is telling you sweetie...not what others are saying. As far as your husband (dear husband) is involved. It is imperative that you both be on the same page when it comes to your difficult child. I couldn't have done it without the support of my husband. Even if we didn't agree, we disagreed outside of his earshot. Presenting a united front, and a 50/50 stand is so important. Not only for your difficult child but equally important for your sanity. Because I was home and we homeschooled our difficult child I handled 90% of the discipline, etc.... but difficult child knew that his dad was equally involved in the decisions concerning him. I know you love your little guy, I can read it in your words and wanting to give up at times is such a natural instinct...to stop the pain...but you are invested now, adoption or no adoption..your heart is in it. [img]:smile:[/img] Keep posting, the people here saved my sanity so many times, and seek help...keep seeking it..put on your Warrior Mom Armor [img]:warrior:[/img] and keep on fighting. One other thing...in this book I have written...take care of yourself...do nice things just for you...bubble baths with lit candles...etc...dealing with a difficult child can wear you to your very core and without you who does he have in there fighting for him? Hope I haven't stepped out of line in anything I have said but I have been there done that for many years and I can't help believing that someday our difficult children will remember who was there in their corner, with the boxing gloves on....fighting with/for them...wanting the best that life has to offer for them. Sending gentle, understanding hugs.... [img]:smile:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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