Still playing games

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolanne, Mar 17, 2008.

  1. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    It's been very quiet here at home since January when difficult child told us she no longer needed the family, that she was happy with the jerk.

    Until this weekend. I didn't know to what extent Becky had been trying to patch things up until it blew up in her face. I have been very sick the past two weeks so have been out of it because of medication for migraines. Becky had written to difficult child to see if things could be mended and I understand why she did that. She misses her sister, plain and simple.

    I had warned her a couple weeks ago nothing good would come of it and thought she'd heard me....guess not or maybe she was just missing her so much. Anyway, late Sat night, around 10pm the phone rings and Becky answers it....silence for about ten mins and than I hear her crying as she hangs up the phone.

    Her sister has told her to f off, that this family needs to die and she doesn't care about anyone, we all abused her....emotionally, physically and sexually, that she is better off with us dead....yada yada blah blah blah.

    I got Becky settled and she went to bed. Sun morning I had the nastiest, vilest email in the world from that kid. She said if she could find a way, she would make sure her sisters and little brother suffered, that we were all dead to her, that I needed to grow up and realize she hates us just went on and on and on.

    What did I do? I forwarded it to my parents and my sister...yep. Figured they love her so darn much let them see the real **** I put up with each week. Dad was quick to respond. He called and said he was completely shocked, that he didn't know it was that bad. He said the part that tore him apart was her statement"oh yeah(insert the B word here) I am aborting this piiece of ****"....and she is almost five months. Selfish, so very selfish and self centred.

    I don't plan on responding to difficult just plays into her little drama. I haven't spoken, written or anything since Jan and I don't plan on it. She is not worth the effort anymore....I have three other kids whom I love to death and who care about me and that's all I need.

  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, I know it's not much, but at least you now have people who believe you. I wish I had some advice, but I'm shocked too. (((Hugs)))
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I wish I could offer more than these hugs and prayers. I am so sorry for you and the younger kids.
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Yep, you did the right thing by forwarding email and not responding.........Hope you can comfort Becky and give her some of the detaching ideas you have obviously picked up........Sorry for the situation with your difficult child, don't know what more you could have done........
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm sorry. Hopefully, she'll realize one day how much she is loved and try to reciprocate some of it. To toss out this much hate not only to her family but to her siblings is just beyond comprehension.

    As to aborting at 5 months, wish her luck with that idea. I really doubt she'll be able to find a doctor to do it. Let's just hope she doesn't try to do something stupid that will hurt the baby (it's not a foetus at this stage). I truly hope and pray that she will end up giving the baby up for adoption at birth. This innocent deserves better.
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    {{{{{Hugs}}}}} Carolanne,

    I am so sorry that your difficult child continues to put your family through this.
    Perhaps now that Becky has felt the full blast of her sister's wrath, she can start the process of detaching from her and healing.

    With regard to difficult child's abhorrent comment about aborting, I suspect she's just trying to get a reaction from you. By not reacting at all, you're not playing into her destructiveness.

    Sending positive thoughts and prayers to all of you.

  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Sending you an unlimited supply of strength, too. This must be awfully draining.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I am truly sorry for all the hurt you have endured through this person. I would take a copy of the email she sent to your local police office and file what we call here an incident report. It does not get anyone arrested. It does not send the cops to her home. It DOES get something on record that this person made viable threats to your family, children and unborn child.

    IF anything were to happen in the future where you had to call 911 or the police- you have a history on legal record. That starts a paper trail. It may be that your daughter is only making idle threats. It may be that you save a family member because she is not able to think clearly. In either event it's better to protect yourself and kids.

    I also think now would be a good time to block her from calling your home. Change your telephone number if possible and make sure your other daughter is aware that sister may not have the number.

    As far as an abortion at 5 months? Like Meowbunny said - she's going to be hard pressed to abort at 20 weeks. If she would find someone to do it, the fee would be outrageous. She doesn't have that kind of money I'm sure.
    If it were me - I would send her an anonymous picture of what a child at 20 weeks looks like - I'm not pro or foe - I just know at 24 weeks my adopted daughter had a baby and she's going to be 5 years old soon her other one was born at 28 weeks and will be 3 this Fall.

    Not the life you pictured was it? (I think that to myself all the time) You are doing a fantastic job by the way detaching. Keep up the good work.

  9. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Thanks everyone. If I let it, it will drain me. Everyone in my email support group is saying the same thing....she's in a manic phase right now. I can deal with her spewing filth all day long but she's gone over the line in hurting my other girl who only wants to see her sister again.

    Because a couple of the emails and a website put up by jerk are threatening me, I've contacted my lawyer again and will put in place a RO again. This time he is including emails, phone calls, texts, websites, anything he can think of.

    As to the abortion threat....yes, she knows my heart would break but it's her that has to live with it, not me. Here a woman can get an abortion right into the middle of five months. They stop the heart with a saline injection and she will go through labour and delivery and birth a still born....disgusting but it does happen.

    If I hear that is what she has done, my door will forever be closed to her. She will no longer be considered my child nor part of this family. To choose this option over the others is pure hatred and evil-ness....I would gladly raise my grandchild as would anyone out there struggling to have a child.

    I am concentrating my strength and love on Becky and Kate right now. I hurt just knowing how they must feel at this rejection and I will be damned she will do this again....never again is my mantra and I have so much more strength than difficult child ever will.....

  10. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    How awful.

    You are doing the right things, Carolanne.

    I would be devastated, if this were happening to me, too. You sound stronger now. Maybe that is what difficult child is responding to ~ trying to horrify you into some kind of response to her.

    She will try something else, when this does not work.

    I liked Star's suggestion about beginning an official paper trail.

    Keep posting about it, and about your feelings regarding what is happening.

    It always helps me so much to post here.

  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Honestly, I hope she gives that baby to someone. Anyone. No child deserves to have a mother like that. It isn't safe.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so very sorry.

    Forwarding her email was a very smart thing to do. Please take a copy to the attorney, and to the Children's Welfare or Protection Agency in your country. I do not think she would see much difference between aborting the child and many other harmful things she could do to it after it is born. It is good to start a paper trail.

    Lots of hugs to your Becky. She did not deserve to be treated like that. Al-Anon has teen programs that can help your other children learn to detach.


  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'd start the paper trail, too. I think you might be dealing with more than BiPolar (BP). (she's reminding me of my own mother when she'd go off on her tangents) Either way, best to cover yourself.

    I'd have her number blocked. I'd change all emails in the house. If that doesn't work, change your phone numbers.

    Sad as it is, difficult child is toxic.

    Hopefully it won't take extended family long to wise up.

    As for Becky, a hard lesson she'll never forget. I'm sure you're giving her plenty of comfort.

  14. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I had a thought. Not a good thought or a moral thought- just a thought.

    What if you got ahold of difficult child and told her that there were people out there willing to pay for her baby? Do you think the lure of a little cash or a lot of cash etc. would keep her from going through with the - ?
  15. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    My sister already tried that and it didn't work. She offered to pay an entire year's rent for the apt, cable, phone for the year as well as groceries...not even a nibble:( I even told her the same in hand as well as monthly payment for five years....nada.....

    I think she said she would abort so that I would never know when the baby was born. Her boyfriend(ick) wants the baby so badly for his dad(weird if you ask me) and she will do anything to make boyfriend(ick) happy.

    I took the advice and went to the police now they have a record of threats. Seems it wasn't just me but her boyfriend(ick) was threatening another kid and now both difficult child and boyfriend(ick) are on record for this.

    I notified CPS too...they weren't too happy at the ongoing saga with her. They'd already been involved when she cried wolf about husband, and than about a nurse at the psychiatric ward AND THAN the group home with one of the staffers so they aren't impressed with her. They said they will notify all the hospitals about a possible birth and will have in place court papers requiring the nursing staff to contact them.

    Whew, it's been a busy two days for sure but I feel better knowing I may be protecting my grandchild.