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Parent Emeritus
Still the fool, got sucked in and spat out!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 653670" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi Billy. I agree with Tanya, the expectations you have with your daughter are likely not going to get met, so you have to change those to match reality. With our troubled kids, the way we stay sane and begin to form our OWN lives, is to let go of how we believed it SHOULD have been or SHOULD be and accept what actually is. It is not easy to do, but it does offer a sense of peace and serenity where craziness, disappointment, anger and sorrow used to live.</p><p></p><p>You might benefit from reading the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It is helpful. You are among a group of warrior parents who have to face a reality many other parents do not, because of mental illness, substance abuse, conduct disorders or other anomalies our kids possess, we have to learn a very different way of parenting. It is a hard path. It takes us to the edge. However, with support, time, and a commitment to get your own life back, you can make it to the other side.</p><p></p><p>I would strongly suggest you find some form of continuing support, 12 step groups, therapy, parent groups, NAMI, ( you can access them online and they have excellent courses for parents) places where you can go to feel safe, get guidance, listen to others speak, feel supported and learn how to detach. Detachment for us is the way to traverse this territory and find our way to a real sense of peacefulness.</p><p></p><p>It hurts. There is no getting around that. BUT, it will hurt a lot less if you begin to take the focus off of your daughter and place it on YOU. Once you do that, little by little the pain subsides as you learn ways of taking care of yourself and recognizing the truth that you cannot change another, all you can do is change your responses. Changing your responses will shift the dynamic you have with your daughter. Usually to take these steps we require guidance and support. It is a process and it takes time. </p><p></p><p>Keep venting and posting. You are not alone anymore. We're here too. We get it. We've been there. We're glad you're here. Each one of us has been in the place you are now and many of us are no longer there....we learned how to move through it, continue loving our kids, but not allowing their lives and their choices to hold us hostage in pain.........sending hugs and warm wishes for your hurting heart........hang in there, it will get better..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 653670, member: 13542"] Hi Billy. I agree with Tanya, the expectations you have with your daughter are likely not going to get met, so you have to change those to match reality. With our troubled kids, the way we stay sane and begin to form our OWN lives, is to let go of how we believed it SHOULD have been or SHOULD be and accept what actually is. It is not easy to do, but it does offer a sense of peace and serenity where craziness, disappointment, anger and sorrow used to live. You might benefit from reading the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It is helpful. You are among a group of warrior parents who have to face a reality many other parents do not, because of mental illness, substance abuse, conduct disorders or other anomalies our kids possess, we have to learn a very different way of parenting. It is a hard path. It takes us to the edge. However, with support, time, and a commitment to get your own life back, you can make it to the other side. I would strongly suggest you find some form of continuing support, 12 step groups, therapy, parent groups, NAMI, ( you can access them online and they have excellent courses for parents) places where you can go to feel safe, get guidance, listen to others speak, feel supported and learn how to detach. Detachment for us is the way to traverse this territory and find our way to a real sense of peacefulness. It hurts. There is no getting around that. BUT, it will hurt a lot less if you begin to take the focus off of your daughter and place it on YOU. Once you do that, little by little the pain subsides as you learn ways of taking care of yourself and recognizing the truth that you cannot change another, all you can do is change your responses. Changing your responses will shift the dynamic you have with your daughter. Usually to take these steps we require guidance and support. It is a process and it takes time. Keep venting and posting. You are not alone anymore. We're here too. We get it. We've been there. We're glad you're here. Each one of us has been in the place you are now and many of us are no longer there....we learned how to move through it, continue loving our kids, but not allowing their lives and their choices to hold us hostage in pain.........sending hugs and warm wishes for your hurting heart........hang in there, it will get better.......... [/QUOTE]
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Still the fool, got sucked in and spat out!
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