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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 640560" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Lost,</p><p></p><p>So glad you found this forum but sorry you had to.</p><p></p><p>I can so relate!! My difficult child stole from me and my husband more times than I have followed Dave Ramsey for years and used the envelope system where you have different envelopes that you put money in so when your bills come in you have the money to pay for them. I thought I had these very well hidden, taped to a hidden backboard on our bed. My difficult child found it and took all $3000. Over the years I would come home to find my house ransacked because he was looking for money. Our basement had a hanging ceiling, he tore that down too.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child is now 33 and at present homeless.</p><p></p><p>I know how much strain it can put on a marriage. It's so hard when you see things one way and your spouse another. My difficult child has been in out of jail numerous times. He used to call us (collect of course) and beg us to put money on his account because he was starving saying they didn't feed him enough and he needed the extra money so he could buy extra food from the commissary. The first few times he was in jail I agreed and put money on his account, however, over time I grew to resent this. He kept getting into trouble and going back to jail. I put my foot down and said no more money, my husband on the other hand wanted to continue. This caused friction and fights. There was a defining moment when my husband and I were discussing this issue and I asked him "why are we allowing difficult child's behavior to divide us". That was an AHA moment for sure. We decided our marriage was too important to let his issues tear us apart. We agreed to no longer support him while he was in jail.</p><p></p><p>We have tried to help him in many ways over the years unfortunately our efforts were wasted. He has made the choice to live his life his way. As much as I wish he would make better choices for his life, it's just not happening and there is nothing I can do to make him change.</p><p></p><p>My husband and I have weathered the storms and there have been many. The blessing is we have grown closer and our marriage is stronger.</p><p></p><p>You could really benefit from seeking out some counseling preferably for both you and your husband.</p><p></p><p>Most important, do not allow your difficult child to damage your marriage.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 640560, member: 18516"] Hi Lost, So glad you found this forum but sorry you had to. I can so relate!! My difficult child stole from me and my husband more times than I have followed Dave Ramsey for years and used the envelope system where you have different envelopes that you put money in so when your bills come in you have the money to pay for them. I thought I had these very well hidden, taped to a hidden backboard on our bed. My difficult child found it and took all $3000. Over the years I would come home to find my house ransacked because he was looking for money. Our basement had a hanging ceiling, he tore that down too. My difficult child is now 33 and at present homeless. I know how much strain it can put on a marriage. It's so hard when you see things one way and your spouse another. My difficult child has been in out of jail numerous times. He used to call us (collect of course) and beg us to put money on his account because he was starving saying they didn't feed him enough and he needed the extra money so he could buy extra food from the commissary. The first few times he was in jail I agreed and put money on his account, however, over time I grew to resent this. He kept getting into trouble and going back to jail. I put my foot down and said no more money, my husband on the other hand wanted to continue. This caused friction and fights. There was a defining moment when my husband and I were discussing this issue and I asked him "why are we allowing difficult child's behavior to divide us". That was an AHA moment for sure. We decided our marriage was too important to let his issues tear us apart. We agreed to no longer support him while he was in jail. We have tried to help him in many ways over the years unfortunately our efforts were wasted. He has made the choice to live his life his way. As much as I wish he would make better choices for his life, it's just not happening and there is nothing I can do to make him change. My husband and I have weathered the storms and there have been many. The blessing is we have grown closer and our marriage is stronger. You could really benefit from seeking out some counseling preferably for both you and your husband. Most important, do not allow your difficult child to damage your marriage. Wishing you peace. [/QUOTE]
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