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General Parenting
Stopping Negativity in its Tracks???
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 57634" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think a lot of them find life so tough, that they expect the bad automatically and as a result, tend to look for it.</p><p></p><p>We watched (sort of) a TV show tonight, from Britain, about 'genius kids'. They were defining genius as having an IQ over 130. I had to laugh. Listening to these kids, hearing about their problems (including difficulty socialising with other eleven year olds, when all you want to talk about is advanced sociology) - it sounded like our house.</p><p></p><p>A good point made by a psychologist consulting with these kids - when parents keep changing where they live, how they do things, whether mum works or quits her job to home-school - all this change is sending a message to the kid, that THEY'RE a problem. If you can act more normally, don't change your life to accommodate the kid so much, they will feel less like misfits.</p><p></p><p>I think it's good advice, where we can apply it. And it would apply to difficult children, too.</p><p></p><p>And a last word about IQ tests - we were told, years ago, that once you score over 120 the test loses its accuracy. You can sort of get a 'feel' for how smart a kid is and I think it's always best to work on this, rather than some detailed, highly specific but probably inaccurate, number on a report. And sometimes these expectations can weigh too heavily on a child. When I was young we were NEVER told our IQ but I knew mine must be high, from how adults around me reacted when they tested me. It was embarrassing. I also had other problems which desperately needed attention, but instead they put me in advanced classes and expected that to be enough. No social skills support, no assistance with anxiety or depression, I was expected to be smart enough to take all that on board as well as the academic stuff. Believe me, academic stuff is much easier than trying to work out why you don't fit in. All it ever taught me, was that I was a freak. I had to wait until I was an adult, to finally have a childhood.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 57634, member: 1991"] I think a lot of them find life so tough, that they expect the bad automatically and as a result, tend to look for it. We watched (sort of) a TV show tonight, from Britain, about 'genius kids'. They were defining genius as having an IQ over 130. I had to laugh. Listening to these kids, hearing about their problems (including difficulty socialising with other eleven year olds, when all you want to talk about is advanced sociology) - it sounded like our house. A good point made by a psychologist consulting with these kids - when parents keep changing where they live, how they do things, whether mum works or quits her job to home-school - all this change is sending a message to the kid, that THEY'RE a problem. If you can act more normally, don't change your life to accommodate the kid so much, they will feel less like misfits. I think it's good advice, where we can apply it. And it would apply to difficult children, too. And a last word about IQ tests - we were told, years ago, that once you score over 120 the test loses its accuracy. You can sort of get a 'feel' for how smart a kid is and I think it's always best to work on this, rather than some detailed, highly specific but probably inaccurate, number on a report. And sometimes these expectations can weigh too heavily on a child. When I was young we were NEVER told our IQ but I knew mine must be high, from how adults around me reacted when they tested me. It was embarrassing. I also had other problems which desperately needed attention, but instead they put me in advanced classes and expected that to be enough. No social skills support, no assistance with anxiety or depression, I was expected to be smart enough to take all that on board as well as the academic stuff. Believe me, academic stuff is much easier than trying to work out why you don't fit in. All it ever taught me, was that I was a freak. I had to wait until I was an adult, to finally have a childhood. Marg [/QUOTE]
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