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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623568" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Echo...what you have told us in your post gives me a real insight into your son's inability to move on.</p><p></p><p>Echo, if he is on the spectrum, he should be getting disability and help, especially if he has just a 55 IQ in performance level IQ. That is in the mentally challenged range. Even if his verbal IQ is high, performance level, I have found, is more important in life and in the working world.</p><p></p><p>I can't imagine him being able to hold a normal job without a job coach or other support. My own Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son is way above that in performance IQ. I also want to explain to you that I have a Non Verbal Learning Disability, which is a lot like autism. I have a verbal IQ around 120 and a performance level IQ of 85. That means I always have trouble performing any job, even easy ones. On top of that, I have visual processing AND auditory processing processing problems so I can't learn by listening to directions (they make no sense to me) or by watching (I have zilch ability to remember anything visual). This is common on the spectrum as are additional learning challenges. This would explain why your boy is having such a struggle. I don't think he can do this himself. He really does need to decide to cooperate and get tested for any supports he can qualify for, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>By the way, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) alone is not a diagnosis. Was he Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified? That's a moderate form of autism. My son was diagnosed with that because he was delayed in speech and other areas. I can't imagine Sonic being able to figure out how to navigate the world on his own, although he is doing a brave job, but he has a lot of supports too. Adults with autism think differently than typical adults and often have a very hard time figuring out even simple things. They also tend to have impulse control problems. I am the payee of my son or he'd take his money every time he got paid and blow it all on videogames and movies and other fun stuff and he is twenty-one almost! He has a caseworker, job supports, and is going to qualify for housing. His school IEP was very helpful for when he transferred into the adult world. We knew he'd have problems that were NOT due to his personality or stubbornness or anything other than his disability and, to his credit, he tries really hard. But I don't think he could do it all without the supports he has. He feels good about himself because he is set up to succeed and has far exceeded expectations of him when he was young. We were very "on" his autism. And his was more mild so one could kind of pooh-pooh that he had it. But we read up on it and joined an autism group (I'm big on support groups) and we saw how obvious it was that he had it. Life would be very hard for him without the help he's gotten and continues to get (he becomes more and more capable as he learns). Now Sonic has no mental health issues to cloud things and your son does. Maybe he really can't do it himself. So now what?</p><p></p><p>Well, if it were me, I would offer to help him get supports and disability and offer to be his guardian, which I am over Sonic. That way he won't feel so frantic, if he feels frantic, about trying to figure out a confusing world. Now...and this is a BIG now...if he refuses to admit he has disabilities that impact his functioning and won't get supports, you are back to Square One. It is, ultimately, his decision to acknowledge his difficulties and to agree to be compliant getting supports and following their rules. Doesn't matter what your label is. You have to comply or you can't get helped. Much of your son's troubles may be neurological, but he still has to agree to get the help that is out there for him. And getting disability can take five or ten tries, but he can't give up. My son, because of his IEP and school agreement, kind of just slid into disability and all the supports after he graduated. He is a very happy young man who does 85% of everything by himself, but he'd slip by the wayside if he didn't have help for that other 15% DUE TO HIS NEUROLOGICAL ISSUES.</p><p></p><p>Not everyone can be independent.</p><p></p><p>Downs Syndrome kids...would we expect somebody with Downs to leave home, get a job, go to school, find a place to stay on his own, etc? Nope. Well, this isn't that different. However, can a Downs adult refuse aid and help and end up homeless and struggling and on drugs? You bet.</p><p></p><p>But we can all "see" Downs Syndrome. Mental health issues and autistic spectrum disorder are both invisible disabilities. So sometimes people suffering with one or both do not get help as nobody sees the wheelchair, if ya get what I mean.</p><p></p><p>I got married just before turning twenty, Echo, because my parents were ready to toss me out and I knew I couldn't make it out there on my own and I have many of the issues your son struggles with. It was a lousy marriage, but it kept me off the streets and I had the chance to get therapy and work hard and try to figure out what was wrong (many things were and are) and worked my tail off to improve. I never did have an easy time keeping a job and often took jobs that were for high schoolers or the illiterate because I could not do two things at once (multi-task) and would get fired from higher level jobs. Don't feel sorry for me. I figured it out and don't feel badly about me anymore. But I am now feeling a connection to your son...that maybe, if he is willing, there is a way you can actually advocate to help him help himself. In the end, I had to find my own treatment options and I had to agree to follow them. I still do.</p><p></p><p>Total tough love is for the able bodied and those who refuse treatment for their problems, in my opinion. It is also my opinion that there is nothing wrong with stepping in to guide a slightly disabled child toward help and supports, as long as he is compliant, not abusive, and quits the drugs because that will only make matters worse. I feel for you. You have a lot on your plate and I'm feeling empathy for your situation.Your son does not use drugs, does he? That's one less issue, if so!!!!</p><p></p><p>I am sad for your hurting mommy heart and hope your son is in a frame of mind to accept that he may be one of those people who may need a little help in life, even as an adult. And I hope he is willing to accept it. That's always the big "IF" factor. If he will not, there is nothing you can do.</p><p></p><p>Gentle hugs. I wish you both the very best. In no way am I trying to tell you what to do. Your post just made me very contemplative and I posted my thoughts...sort of like a free association psychiatric visit. You are a great mom.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623568, member: 1550"] Echo...what you have told us in your post gives me a real insight into your son's inability to move on. Echo, if he is on the spectrum, he should be getting disability and help, especially if he has just a 55 IQ in performance level IQ. That is in the mentally challenged range. Even if his verbal IQ is high, performance level, I have found, is more important in life and in the working world. I can't imagine him being able to hold a normal job without a job coach or other support. My own Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son is way above that in performance IQ. I also want to explain to you that I have a Non Verbal Learning Disability, which is a lot like autism. I have a verbal IQ around 120 and a performance level IQ of 85. That means I always have trouble performing any job, even easy ones. On top of that, I have visual processing AND auditory processing processing problems so I can't learn by listening to directions (they make no sense to me) or by watching (I have zilch ability to remember anything visual). This is common on the spectrum as are additional learning challenges. This would explain why your boy is having such a struggle. I don't think he can do this himself. He really does need to decide to cooperate and get tested for any supports he can qualify for, in my opinion. By the way, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) alone is not a diagnosis. Was he Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified? That's a moderate form of autism. My son was diagnosed with that because he was delayed in speech and other areas. I can't imagine Sonic being able to figure out how to navigate the world on his own, although he is doing a brave job, but he has a lot of supports too. Adults with autism think differently than typical adults and often have a very hard time figuring out even simple things. They also tend to have impulse control problems. I am the payee of my son or he'd take his money every time he got paid and blow it all on videogames and movies and other fun stuff and he is twenty-one almost! He has a caseworker, job supports, and is going to qualify for housing. His school IEP was very helpful for when he transferred into the adult world. We knew he'd have problems that were NOT due to his personality or stubbornness or anything other than his disability and, to his credit, he tries really hard. But I don't think he could do it all without the supports he has. He feels good about himself because he is set up to succeed and has far exceeded expectations of him when he was young. We were very "on" his autism. And his was more mild so one could kind of pooh-pooh that he had it. But we read up on it and joined an autism group (I'm big on support groups) and we saw how obvious it was that he had it. Life would be very hard for him without the help he's gotten and continues to get (he becomes more and more capable as he learns). Now Sonic has no mental health issues to cloud things and your son does. Maybe he really can't do it himself. So now what? Well, if it were me, I would offer to help him get supports and disability and offer to be his guardian, which I am over Sonic. That way he won't feel so frantic, if he feels frantic, about trying to figure out a confusing world. Now...and this is a BIG now...if he refuses to admit he has disabilities that impact his functioning and won't get supports, you are back to Square One. It is, ultimately, his decision to acknowledge his difficulties and to agree to be compliant getting supports and following their rules. Doesn't matter what your label is. You have to comply or you can't get helped. Much of your son's troubles may be neurological, but he still has to agree to get the help that is out there for him. And getting disability can take five or ten tries, but he can't give up. My son, because of his IEP and school agreement, kind of just slid into disability and all the supports after he graduated. He is a very happy young man who does 85% of everything by himself, but he'd slip by the wayside if he didn't have help for that other 15% DUE TO HIS NEUROLOGICAL ISSUES. Not everyone can be independent. Downs Syndrome kids...would we expect somebody with Downs to leave home, get a job, go to school, find a place to stay on his own, etc? Nope. Well, this isn't that different. However, can a Downs adult refuse aid and help and end up homeless and struggling and on drugs? You bet. But we can all "see" Downs Syndrome. Mental health issues and autistic spectrum disorder are both invisible disabilities. So sometimes people suffering with one or both do not get help as nobody sees the wheelchair, if ya get what I mean. I got married just before turning twenty, Echo, because my parents were ready to toss me out and I knew I couldn't make it out there on my own and I have many of the issues your son struggles with. It was a lousy marriage, but it kept me off the streets and I had the chance to get therapy and work hard and try to figure out what was wrong (many things were and are) and worked my tail off to improve. I never did have an easy time keeping a job and often took jobs that were for high schoolers or the illiterate because I could not do two things at once (multi-task) and would get fired from higher level jobs. Don't feel sorry for me. I figured it out and don't feel badly about me anymore. But I am now feeling a connection to your son...that maybe, if he is willing, there is a way you can actually advocate to help him help himself. In the end, I had to find my own treatment options and I had to agree to follow them. I still do. Total tough love is for the able bodied and those who refuse treatment for their problems, in my opinion. It is also my opinion that there is nothing wrong with stepping in to guide a slightly disabled child toward help and supports, as long as he is compliant, not abusive, and quits the drugs because that will only make matters worse. I feel for you. You have a lot on your plate and I'm feeling empathy for your situation.Your son does not use drugs, does he? That's one less issue, if so!!!! I am sad for your hurting mommy heart and hope your son is in a frame of mind to accept that he may be one of those people who may need a little help in life, even as an adult. And I hope he is willing to accept it. That's always the big "IF" factor. If he will not, there is nothing you can do. Gentle hugs. I wish you both the very best. In no way am I trying to tell you what to do. Your post just made me very contemplative and I posted my thoughts...sort of like a free association psychiatric visit. You are a great mom. [/QUOTE]
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