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Strange and awkward
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623601" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I never took it as an attack against me. It's just that I had sort of an "aha" moment when you said Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and performance level IQ. And many people who are different and struggle DO take drugs and, yes, they are more accepted when they do. I used to want people to think I didn't try in school. I wanted to be known as the girl who doesn't try rather than the girl who can't get it. A good deal of my younger years were spent wondering what the hello was wrong with me and why couldn't I do the same things everyone else did easily every single day. My step up above your son, the only one, is that I was terrified to make things worse by taking drugs or even drinking alcohol so I did neither. I still did not feel like I was the same as everyone else, especially when I'd get fired from easy jobs like McDonalds and as a file clerk or when I could not recognize the face of my next door neighbor if I saw her at some mall because I had very poor visual recollection abilities (and still do), but I did not use anything to make me even dippier (my word for myself). I was good verbally and enjoyed animals and young kids and I still do so I did pretty well, in my opinion, as a mom and pet owner. But I wasn't an organized mom. My hubbies (both) had to do that for me. And I did not remember dates and times well. Again, both had to do that for me. I was not a great housekeeper because I lack the ability to visualize how a house should look so I'd be holding a towel and wondering where it should go and trying to fold it (I have trouble folding things) then stuff wherever it fit. If I had to write a book about my life, I would title it "Confused." I was always confused. Sonic, my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son, is much more on the ball than I was and am and I think that early intervention was critical and his supports now are invaluable, although he doesn't need that many of them that much of the time. </p><p></p><p>Having said all that, which was kind of my own type of therapeutic vent at how difficult I found life, your son will not improve in any way if 1/he does not acknowledge that he is different, 2/he does not accept help for why he is different and 3/he won't quit using drugs. I would say #3 has to happen first. You can't do anything if he won't stop. I agree that, as he is right now, he can not live with you. Even disabled adults have to help themselves. Nobody else can do it for them. In every way, I think you are doing what is best for yourselves and your son. </p><p></p><p>It always puzzled me when people who had differences, such as autism or mental illness, refused to acknowledge the differences, even though it was clear as the day is bright and long that they struggle and would do better with help. Certainly nobody ASKS to be different and more needy, but you have to work with the cards you are dealt. In our family, Sonic is fine with getting services and does his best all the time in every area of life. 36 thinks he is normal, or says he thinks so, except for his anxiety disorder. Uh-huh. Guess what? He isn't doing as well as somebody as bright as he is should be doing and he has totally failed at controlling his temper and anger issues. To get better, you have to admit you need to get better.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you posted. I hope for better things in the near future for you and your son. </p><p></p><p>Thinking of you....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623601, member: 1550"] Hi there. I never took it as an attack against me. It's just that I had sort of an "aha" moment when you said Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and performance level IQ. And many people who are different and struggle DO take drugs and, yes, they are more accepted when they do. I used to want people to think I didn't try in school. I wanted to be known as the girl who doesn't try rather than the girl who can't get it. A good deal of my younger years were spent wondering what the hello was wrong with me and why couldn't I do the same things everyone else did easily every single day. My step up above your son, the only one, is that I was terrified to make things worse by taking drugs or even drinking alcohol so I did neither. I still did not feel like I was the same as everyone else, especially when I'd get fired from easy jobs like McDonalds and as a file clerk or when I could not recognize the face of my next door neighbor if I saw her at some mall because I had very poor visual recollection abilities (and still do), but I did not use anything to make me even dippier (my word for myself). I was good verbally and enjoyed animals and young kids and I still do so I did pretty well, in my opinion, as a mom and pet owner. But I wasn't an organized mom. My hubbies (both) had to do that for me. And I did not remember dates and times well. Again, both had to do that for me. I was not a great housekeeper because I lack the ability to visualize how a house should look so I'd be holding a towel and wondering where it should go and trying to fold it (I have trouble folding things) then stuff wherever it fit. If I had to write a book about my life, I would title it "Confused." I was always confused. Sonic, my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son, is much more on the ball than I was and am and I think that early intervention was critical and his supports now are invaluable, although he doesn't need that many of them that much of the time. Having said all that, which was kind of my own type of therapeutic vent at how difficult I found life, your son will not improve in any way if 1/he does not acknowledge that he is different, 2/he does not accept help for why he is different and 3/he won't quit using drugs. I would say #3 has to happen first. You can't do anything if he won't stop. I agree that, as he is right now, he can not live with you. Even disabled adults have to help themselves. Nobody else can do it for them. In every way, I think you are doing what is best for yourselves and your son. It always puzzled me when people who had differences, such as autism or mental illness, refused to acknowledge the differences, even though it was clear as the day is bright and long that they struggle and would do better with help. Certainly nobody ASKS to be different and more needy, but you have to work with the cards you are dealt. In our family, Sonic is fine with getting services and does his best all the time in every area of life. 36 thinks he is normal, or says he thinks so, except for his anxiety disorder. Uh-huh. Guess what? He isn't doing as well as somebody as bright as he is should be doing and he has totally failed at controlling his temper and anger issues. To get better, you have to admit you need to get better. I'm glad you posted. I hope for better things in the near future for you and your son. Thinking of you.... [/QUOTE]
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