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Stressed and sick can't take much more of ungrateful adult children
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 651928" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Billy, I am going to answer as a take off to something you said when your post was in "General." Your stepdaughter wanted you to cook for her (at her age, WTH?") and you asked, "What's wrong with this generation?" I want to give you some food for thought.</p><p></p><p>It isn't the generation of kids. It's us.</p><p></p><p>We give these kids everything, jump w hen they snap their fingers, and act like they are more important than we are. In previous generations (more in my time) parents demanded respect and got it. They did not buy the kids a car, a cell phone (there were none), they did not hand out money, they had expectations of adult children (work or get out). We are the ones who give ourselves entitled adult children. If we said "No" more often, they may pout or punish us or tell us how awful we are, but they also will learn that we are not on earth to do their bidding. Now if we keep doing it to keep the peace or because we don't want our little darlings, who are 35 or 25, to be pouty or angry, they will continue to learn that we will do all they ask us to do or they will feel entitled to hang up on us, swear at us, cuss us horrible names, and use emotional blackmail to hurt us. Your adult kids sound like that, both steps and yours. If you never change, this will be your life forever and it is partly on YOU.</p><p>Ok, it is A LOT on you.</p><p></p><p>Your husband does not have to pay mortgage for mentally ill sibling. She is mentally ill? So am I. Why does that give her the right to take so much of your money? Why does he feel he has to do this? Why doesn't she find somewhere else to live? I live in an apartment. It's not bad. Sis doesn't need a house. If it is making you monetarily tight, in my opinion, it is wrong to keep doing it. Mental illness does not mean a free house. She, like your daughter, needs to learn to use the healthcare system and let you and your husband live your own lives.</p><p></p><p>We made this generation what it is. There are plenty of not spoiled, entitled adult kids, who are kind and hardworking, but they had parents were knew better than we did. Adult children do not respect parents who are afraid of them and do everything they ask. Again, that is one reason why ex gets more respect. They know he will take care of his needs and they should know you will take care of your needs too. Or this will be your life...meaning you will not HAVE a life. And everyone will dump on you two yet act like you owe it to them while ex continues to get their respect. That's how it works. People respect those who are mindful of their own wishes and have boundaries. Doormats always rank last in how th ey are treated and thought of. Don't be a doormat anymore. Those feet walking all over you are quite dirty. And the footsteps hurt.</p><p></p><p>If your kids don't love our for your unconditonal loving heart and not because you can rescue them or give them expensive presents, think about whether they love you at all. Love does not have a dollar tag attached to it, Know what I mean?? Why are you afraid of what your daughter will do? Why does she have so much frightening power over you? This is not a good relationship. It is one based on fear. "If I don't do everything she wants, she may not like me." If that is the case, you have no relationship at all. My husband and I are the ones without the money and the kids don't get big presents from us and we can't run to visit them when they always want us to and all four of my kids really love and respect us. We did not do everything right, but this we did right. My ex gives them more expensive presents, but when it comes right down to it, I know they love me best and it feels good deep inside.And it is not because of what material things I have given them.</p><p></p><p>A good relationship is not connected to how much you can do for them. It is a good realtionship because you have mutual love, no matter what, and nothing else.</p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 651928, member: 1550"] Billy, I am going to answer as a take off to something you said when your post was in "General." Your stepdaughter wanted you to cook for her (at her age, WTH?") and you asked, "What's wrong with this generation?" I want to give you some food for thought. It isn't the generation of kids. It's us. We give these kids everything, jump w hen they snap their fingers, and act like they are more important than we are. In previous generations (more in my time) parents demanded respect and got it. They did not buy the kids a car, a cell phone (there were none), they did not hand out money, they had expectations of adult children (work or get out). We are the ones who give ourselves entitled adult children. If we said "No" more often, they may pout or punish us or tell us how awful we are, but they also will learn that we are not on earth to do their bidding. Now if we keep doing it to keep the peace or because we don't want our little darlings, who are 35 or 25, to be pouty or angry, they will continue to learn that we will do all they ask us to do or they will feel entitled to hang up on us, swear at us, cuss us horrible names, and use emotional blackmail to hurt us. Your adult kids sound like that, both steps and yours. If you never change, this will be your life forever and it is partly on YOU. Ok, it is A LOT on you. Your husband does not have to pay mortgage for mentally ill sibling. She is mentally ill? So am I. Why does that give her the right to take so much of your money? Why does he feel he has to do this? Why doesn't she find somewhere else to live? I live in an apartment. It's not bad. Sis doesn't need a house. If it is making you monetarily tight, in my opinion, it is wrong to keep doing it. Mental illness does not mean a free house. She, like your daughter, needs to learn to use the healthcare system and let you and your husband live your own lives. We made this generation what it is. There are plenty of not spoiled, entitled adult kids, who are kind and hardworking, but they had parents were knew better than we did. Adult children do not respect parents who are afraid of them and do everything they ask. Again, that is one reason why ex gets more respect. They know he will take care of his needs and they should know you will take care of your needs too. Or this will be your life...meaning you will not HAVE a life. And everyone will dump on you two yet act like you owe it to them while ex continues to get their respect. That's how it works. People respect those who are mindful of their own wishes and have boundaries. Doormats always rank last in how th ey are treated and thought of. Don't be a doormat anymore. Those feet walking all over you are quite dirty. And the footsteps hurt. If your kids don't love our for your unconditonal loving heart and not because you can rescue them or give them expensive presents, think about whether they love you at all. Love does not have a dollar tag attached to it, Know what I mean?? Why are you afraid of what your daughter will do? Why does she have so much frightening power over you? This is not a good relationship. It is one based on fear. "If I don't do everything she wants, she may not like me." If that is the case, you have no relationship at all. My husband and I are the ones without the money and the kids don't get big presents from us and we can't run to visit them when they always want us to and all four of my kids really love and respect us. We did not do everything right, but this we did right. My ex gives them more expensive presents, but when it comes right down to it, I know they love me best and it feels good deep inside.And it is not because of what material things I have given them. A good relationship is not connected to how much you can do for them. It is a good realtionship because you have mutual love, no matter what, and nothing else. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Stressed and sick can't take much more of ungrateful adult children
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