Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Stressed and sick can't take much more of ungrateful adult children
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 651935" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, I think husband can care for his sister's emotional needs without paying her mortgage. Can you really afford that? She can't find another place to live?</p><p></p><p>Also, it's not just you who has done this. I had horrible parents too and decided I would love my kids to pieces. I get I got kind of "llucky" because my first husband was a cheapie and wouldn't give the kids anything and my second one is generous, but we don't have enough money to just hand them anything they want and my two kids from that marriage k now and respect it. They also think the world of their father. Although he wasn't a top provider, he also coached their teams, was there as often as me, was as loving as me and taught them wonderful values that both have utilized. You can't buy love. If I had married a wealthy, giving man I may have done what you did, but it was never an option and it worked out for the best.</p><p></p><p>None of my kids, even Difficult Child, are entitled and all bought their own cars, paid their own part of car insurance, put in gas themselves, had part time jobs by sixteen and all have good work ethics, even my most Difficult Child. When Difficult Child calls me 1,000 times a night because he "needs you!!!" he still knows and doesn't ask me to fly a plane or take train down to Missouri. He knows I can't afford to do it and that his decision to move made it unlikely that I can comfort him in person. And he is not exactly always kind...he just understands that money doesn't grow on trees and that traveling requires money. </p><p></p><p>I did not do it 100% right or I wouldn't be here. My Difficult Child was once so scary I had to make him leave and wondered if he'd end up in jail. I worried he was maybe a sociopath. My oldest daughter took a variety of dangerous drugs that I thought would kill her in the end. And my first hub and I adopted a son from another country at age six and he walked out on us. We haven't seen him for eight years.</p><p></p><p>I'm left with four loving adult kids, although one is difficult. The drug user is clean. The kids work hard, live on their own, are good parents, and do not expect me to fund them. I can feel how much they love me and it is reciprocated. But none of it was based on what we gave them. Yes, we gave them opportunties and found ways to send them to college, which all of them but one turned down. But they are still all hardworking and self-supporting and I do have one autistic son. He lives on his own by choice and never calls me to ask me to do anything for him. He was brought up to be independent. He needs a little help, which he gets from us sometimes and the community, but he is not demanding and he works. </p><p></p><p>I think too many parents believe their kids HAVE to have their own cars that they fund, HAVE to have all the toys that THEY pay for (even when they are 25), etc. I think this makes the adult children think of us as their personal bank. I don't feel it is a good trend. I believe strongly that when you work hard for something, you appreciate it more. Plus you can then relate to your parent's situation and not get so angry when the money isn't forthcoming.</p><p></p><p>My parents were horribly abusive too and the best thing I did for my kids was to unconditionally love them without expecting them to entertain me now that they moved out and I have an empty nest. I learned how to be a good mother to adult children from my ex-mother in law who has a special place in Heaven, I am sure. She was an angel. Kept her tongue. Never a bad word about anyone, let alone her grown kids or their significant others. If she had favoritism, we did not see it. I decided to be like her. I am grateful I had her as a role model as my mother was the exact opposite of her.</p><p></p><p>She did not hand out money, although we found out later, she had money. We still loved her to death.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 651935, member: 1550"] Well, I think husband can care for his sister's emotional needs without paying her mortgage. Can you really afford that? She can't find another place to live? Also, it's not just you who has done this. I had horrible parents too and decided I would love my kids to pieces. I get I got kind of "llucky" because my first husband was a cheapie and wouldn't give the kids anything and my second one is generous, but we don't have enough money to just hand them anything they want and my two kids from that marriage k now and respect it. They also think the world of their father. Although he wasn't a top provider, he also coached their teams, was there as often as me, was as loving as me and taught them wonderful values that both have utilized. You can't buy love. If I had married a wealthy, giving man I may have done what you did, but it was never an option and it worked out for the best. None of my kids, even Difficult Child, are entitled and all bought their own cars, paid their own part of car insurance, put in gas themselves, had part time jobs by sixteen and all have good work ethics, even my most Difficult Child. When Difficult Child calls me 1,000 times a night because he "needs you!!!" he still knows and doesn't ask me to fly a plane or take train down to Missouri. He knows I can't afford to do it and that his decision to move made it unlikely that I can comfort him in person. And he is not exactly always kind...he just understands that money doesn't grow on trees and that traveling requires money. I did not do it 100% right or I wouldn't be here. My Difficult Child was once so scary I had to make him leave and wondered if he'd end up in jail. I worried he was maybe a sociopath. My oldest daughter took a variety of dangerous drugs that I thought would kill her in the end. And my first hub and I adopted a son from another country at age six and he walked out on us. We haven't seen him for eight years. I'm left with four loving adult kids, although one is difficult. The drug user is clean. The kids work hard, live on their own, are good parents, and do not expect me to fund them. I can feel how much they love me and it is reciprocated. But none of it was based on what we gave them. Yes, we gave them opportunties and found ways to send them to college, which all of them but one turned down. But they are still all hardworking and self-supporting and I do have one autistic son. He lives on his own by choice and never calls me to ask me to do anything for him. He was brought up to be independent. He needs a little help, which he gets from us sometimes and the community, but he is not demanding and he works. I think too many parents believe their kids HAVE to have their own cars that they fund, HAVE to have all the toys that THEY pay for (even when they are 25), etc. I think this makes the adult children think of us as their personal bank. I don't feel it is a good trend. I believe strongly that when you work hard for something, you appreciate it more. Plus you can then relate to your parent's situation and not get so angry when the money isn't forthcoming. My parents were horribly abusive too and the best thing I did for my kids was to unconditionally love them without expecting them to entertain me now that they moved out and I have an empty nest. I learned how to be a good mother to adult children from my ex-mother in law who has a special place in Heaven, I am sure. She was an angel. Kept her tongue. Never a bad word about anyone, let alone her grown kids or their significant others. If she had favoritism, we did not see it. I decided to be like her. I am grateful I had her as a role model as my mother was the exact opposite of her. She did not hand out money, although we found out later, she had money. We still loved her to death. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Stressed and sick can't take much more of ungrateful adult children
Top