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Stressed and sick can't take much more of ungrateful adult children
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<blockquote data-quote="Lioness" data-source="post: 651960" data-attributes="member: 18827"><p>I take on board what you are saying. However, when you haven't any good role models you do your best. My best I thought was to love and be there for my children. Especially when their Dad left. Their father and I came from very poor backgrounds and built our business up together. We were rewarded with great wealth, then upon divorce of course my husband syphoned money away. I therefore didn't get a great settlement. My kids were at private schools and were used to a certain way of life. I had stayed at home to bring them up and suddenly I had to go back into the workforce. I had a teenage daughter who hated me, a son who was depressed and needed coaxing every day to get out of bed and go to school with counselling he came out of it, and a younger daughter in and out of hospital. My Ex husband continued to pay for their private education, but hid most of his assets so money for us was tight. He rarely saw the children as he was too busy with his new life. This greatly affected the kids and I was very isolated as I have only one sister who I am not close to due to our childhood. I thank God for my friends, they were our lifeline. My Ex husband I realise now was very posessive (I thought that was love) and didn't allow me to go to work when we were together, he also didn't like me socialising unless it was during the day. We were together from aged 16 - 36. I tried my best to keep the kids grounded, but when he did turn up he would give them expensive presents. All they wanted was his time but he wouldn't give this. So I made myself the sole giver of love, time and attention. I know I over did this and over compensated to make up for their loss. They were my world. Now that they have all gone, it has taken me time to get used to being myself again. I am actually looking forward to it, and am hopeful that my husbands business will pick up again. Our goal is to sell my house, pay off the mortgage and down size. Travelling is on the cards as my old school friend has been living in Austin, Texas for the last 20 years and we intend on driving across America before it is too late and we get old and unwell! I know that I have given my children the best of me, and it is my turn very soon. Both my husband and I are natural nurturers and give too much of ourselves, this we are guilty of. We both want/need to change but it will be a hard process. We have both made many mistakes, as all parents do. The test now is to learn from them and make the change. Easier said than done, I'm sure. I hope it isn't too late. My mind and body are so dog tired at the moment, but I do have some hope reading everyones stories on this forum. I thank you for listening. I hope you understand my situation better. With regards to my husbands sister, my husband promised his mum on her death bed that he would look after her as she "Isn't all there". He was a 15 year old boy who helped nurse his Mum when she was bedridden as his Dad worked nights. His sister although older, couldn't wouldn't help. This has made him a very kind, thoughtful and nurturing man. He is six foot 3 and a big strong man, with a great sense of humour and a calm demeanour. He is a very special person who came into my life when I was used to a Selfish, callous, cold businessman - my ex husband. He gave me love and kindness and my children too when we needed it. I divorced 16 years ago and met my husband 12 years ago. We only got married 3 years ago, as we wanted all 5 of our kids to grow up and not feel pushed out. They all joined in the wedding and were very happy for us. The 5 of them are very close, 3 are mine 2 are his. They tell people that they are brothers and sisters and dont even mention the step. I think this is a credit to us, as we took our time and never favour one above another. I think we have done some things right. I hope this isn't too long winded for you all! Thanks again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lioness, post: 651960, member: 18827"] I take on board what you are saying. However, when you haven't any good role models you do your best. My best I thought was to love and be there for my children. Especially when their Dad left. Their father and I came from very poor backgrounds and built our business up together. We were rewarded with great wealth, then upon divorce of course my husband syphoned money away. I therefore didn't get a great settlement. My kids were at private schools and were used to a certain way of life. I had stayed at home to bring them up and suddenly I had to go back into the workforce. I had a teenage daughter who hated me, a son who was depressed and needed coaxing every day to get out of bed and go to school with counselling he came out of it, and a younger daughter in and out of hospital. My Ex husband continued to pay for their private education, but hid most of his assets so money for us was tight. He rarely saw the children as he was too busy with his new life. This greatly affected the kids and I was very isolated as I have only one sister who I am not close to due to our childhood. I thank God for my friends, they were our lifeline. My Ex husband I realise now was very posessive (I thought that was love) and didn't allow me to go to work when we were together, he also didn't like me socialising unless it was during the day. We were together from aged 16 - 36. I tried my best to keep the kids grounded, but when he did turn up he would give them expensive presents. All they wanted was his time but he wouldn't give this. So I made myself the sole giver of love, time and attention. I know I over did this and over compensated to make up for their loss. They were my world. Now that they have all gone, it has taken me time to get used to being myself again. I am actually looking forward to it, and am hopeful that my husbands business will pick up again. Our goal is to sell my house, pay off the mortgage and down size. Travelling is on the cards as my old school friend has been living in Austin, Texas for the last 20 years and we intend on driving across America before it is too late and we get old and unwell! I know that I have given my children the best of me, and it is my turn very soon. Both my husband and I are natural nurturers and give too much of ourselves, this we are guilty of. We both want/need to change but it will be a hard process. We have both made many mistakes, as all parents do. The test now is to learn from them and make the change. Easier said than done, I'm sure. I hope it isn't too late. My mind and body are so dog tired at the moment, but I do have some hope reading everyones stories on this forum. I thank you for listening. I hope you understand my situation better. With regards to my husbands sister, my husband promised his mum on her death bed that he would look after her as she "Isn't all there". He was a 15 year old boy who helped nurse his Mum when she was bedridden as his Dad worked nights. His sister although older, couldn't wouldn't help. This has made him a very kind, thoughtful and nurturing man. He is six foot 3 and a big strong man, with a great sense of humour and a calm demeanour. He is a very special person who came into my life when I was used to a Selfish, callous, cold businessman - my ex husband. He gave me love and kindness and my children too when we needed it. I divorced 16 years ago and met my husband 12 years ago. We only got married 3 years ago, as we wanted all 5 of our kids to grow up and not feel pushed out. They all joined in the wedding and were very happy for us. The 5 of them are very close, 3 are mine 2 are his. They tell people that they are brothers and sisters and dont even mention the step. I think this is a credit to us, as we took our time and never favour one above another. I think we have done some things right. I hope this isn't too long winded for you all! Thanks again. [/QUOTE]
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