Hi guys, I'm new to the forum, after yet another stressful day where I question whether I am doing my stepson any good whatsoever being in his life, I turned to google and typed "can't handle my child anymore" feeling super guilty and kind of hoping that a nice farm he could go to would pop up. Then found out I'm not the only one when all these forums came up! and I thought since I'm not getting the support I need outside of the internet world I might as well try to find people struggling with the same issues here... My situation is a little different in that I'm a custodial stepmom, which makes it extra hard some days because I just don't have that "love you no matter what" bond with my stepson, and it's sad to say that my husband who is my stepson's adoptive dad doesn't have that for him either as he entered the picture when he was a couple years old already. We both love my stepson, and we both try really hard but things just don't seem to be getting better. I met my stepson when his dad was separated from his mom (he was 5) then a very ugly divorce came and took about 2 years of our lives where my husband saw the kids every other weekend (unfortunately with police enforcement otherwise he would have never seen them). After my husband was granted sole custody the kids mom left for a different province and told them she would never see them again (obviously traumatizing for a 4 and 7 year old). we have had the kids for a year and a half now and while he has thrived with routine and stability there are still some issues leftover, dr's have said ADHD, ODD, Depression, and Attachment disorder, and have prescribed anti depressants and ADHD medication, but I don't know how effective the medications and diagnoses are. The fact is the big thing I do see is the attachment disorder and emotional trauma, which I don't think medication is going to fix, what he really needs is stability and love. Unfortunately the love part is the hardest thing to give him, I know that sounds awful but it's true, he is a very hard kid to get close to, one minute he wants you to love him, then the next he wants you to hate him. Some of the issues we struggle the most with are his bathroom habits (he is almost 9 and pees the bed every night, you have to tell him when to go to the bathroom, at school he poops or pees his pants and will just sit in it all day every day), he is very inappropriately affectionate and gross with his younger sister (he always wants to kiss her on the lips, calls her "hot", tries to sneak into her room while she's changing, and has at times come out of the bathroom to show her his poop by mooning her or wiping it with his hand - you can't make this stuff up), his anger and destructive behavior is through the roof he has thrown rocks at people, kicked an infant lying on the floor in the head, taken a rock and scratched my friends brand new truck, picked the tint off my mom's brand new car windows. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm angry at him all the time, and I'm depressed because I'm angry at him all the time, and sometimes I feel I'm doing him more harm than good because I'm not providing the emotional support he needs. All the counsellors seem to be there to help him but there is no parenting support, and I was not ready to be a mom and I've been thrust into it. I love his daughter she is so easy to get along with, and doesn't cause many problems, and I feel he sees her as the favorite, and I do feel bad for that, but this is so hard and I don't know what to do anymore, we've tried so many forms of discipline but he always pushes me to spanking because it's how I was raised and nothing else seems to work, and being honest with myself spanking doesn't even work, nothing does I don't know what to do anymore.