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Stressed to the max
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 639554" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>No, lots of teenagers are really good kids. I feel the need to bring that up because I think we need to face that OUR kids are kind of not nice, but most teens of eighteen are in college, working full time, being reasonable at home, respecting their parents when they talk to them, not breaking the law and launching into life to become good citizens. I have difficult children and great kids and my great kids were great teens who never gave me a problem. I had one who did drugs in high school (what fun THAT was, but we NEVER allowed it in the house. Period). She turned her life around. I have one son who is still not totally on track and he is 37...ugh. But he does support himself and his son.</p><p></p><p>So having established that not all teens, especially older teens, are ungrateful monsters, you need to decide what to do about your own child. There are many options, depending on how much you want to set boundaries and have control in your own home. If he is stealing from you or using your debit card, it is within your power to stop it in many ways, which I think you probably know. If he is disrespecting you in vile ways, you can decide that he has to be as nice to you as you are to him and set consequences of your choosing if he continues to make you feel badly.</p><p></p><p>My kids were not even allowed to smoke ciggies in my house. I only had one kid who smoked and every time I saw cigarettes in her purse, I threw them out. She eventually quit all drugs, cigarettes too. Not saying that would work for your son...all kids are different...but tough love worked very well for her and she is thriving now ten years later. Again, just because SHE did doesn't mean another difficult child would.</p><p></p><p>I believe we are all valuable and that includes Mom. Mom to me is as important in this world as grown kid. Grown kid isn't a baby anymore and he or she, in my opinion, does not need a mommy, especially one that is abused. I believe it is a good idea to learn how to make yourself happy and trying to fix someone won't. I have a few suggestions. I'd pick up the book "Codependent No More" By Melodie Beatty...great book. Started me on my way to peace and harmony and a good life. I would consider going to a Twelve Step Program, maybe Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, since your son takes drugs. You can laern a lot (or at least I did) from others who have been in the trenches and you don't have to speak unless you want to. You may be able to get help from the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill as the parent of a grown kid who is obviously off the rails. Notice all these suggestions are to help YOU because you ahve 100% power to fix YOU, but you have 0% power to fix anyone else, even your son. Changing your reaction to your son may change how he treats you because he will have to respond differently to you, but, really, the only person you can change is yourself. And you deserve a happy, great life.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and good luck. Take baby steps. You are new to this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 639554, member: 1550"] No, lots of teenagers are really good kids. I feel the need to bring that up because I think we need to face that OUR kids are kind of not nice, but most teens of eighteen are in college, working full time, being reasonable at home, respecting their parents when they talk to them, not breaking the law and launching into life to become good citizens. I have difficult children and great kids and my great kids were great teens who never gave me a problem. I had one who did drugs in high school (what fun THAT was, but we NEVER allowed it in the house. Period). She turned her life around. I have one son who is still not totally on track and he is 37...ugh. But he does support himself and his son. So having established that not all teens, especially older teens, are ungrateful monsters, you need to decide what to do about your own child. There are many options, depending on how much you want to set boundaries and have control in your own home. If he is stealing from you or using your debit card, it is within your power to stop it in many ways, which I think you probably know. If he is disrespecting you in vile ways, you can decide that he has to be as nice to you as you are to him and set consequences of your choosing if he continues to make you feel badly. My kids were not even allowed to smoke ciggies in my house. I only had one kid who smoked and every time I saw cigarettes in her purse, I threw them out. She eventually quit all drugs, cigarettes too. Not saying that would work for your son...all kids are different...but tough love worked very well for her and she is thriving now ten years later. Again, just because SHE did doesn't mean another difficult child would. I believe we are all valuable and that includes Mom. Mom to me is as important in this world as grown kid. Grown kid isn't a baby anymore and he or she, in my opinion, does not need a mommy, especially one that is abused. I believe it is a good idea to learn how to make yourself happy and trying to fix someone won't. I have a few suggestions. I'd pick up the book "Codependent No More" By Melodie Beatty...great book. Started me on my way to peace and harmony and a good life. I would consider going to a Twelve Step Program, maybe Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, since your son takes drugs. You can laern a lot (or at least I did) from others who have been in the trenches and you don't have to speak unless you want to. You may be able to get help from the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill as the parent of a grown kid who is obviously off the rails. Notice all these suggestions are to help YOU because you ahve 100% power to fix YOU, but you have 0% power to fix anyone else, even your son. Changing your reaction to your son may change how he treats you because he will have to respond differently to you, but, really, the only person you can change is yourself. And you deserve a happy, great life. Hugs and good luck. Take baby steps. You are new to this. [/QUOTE]
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