Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Im a Believer, Dec 5, 2008.

  1. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    I am thankful I found this forum ~

    I will try to summarize this ~

    I have 6 children, yes 6 - from a 20 year abusive marriage.

    I ended the marriage 8 years ago.

    Most of the children are now adults and acting out due to the pain of their childhood.

    I am the only involved parent in their lives for the most part therefore I am the target for their anger.

    Two of my sons are into drugs and alcohol - they are spiraling down ~

    I have done everthing I can and after many co-dependent meetings and reading several good books - I have concluded I must get out of the way and Let God have His way in their healing - I cannot heal them.

    It is not easy - My children have always been my life and one of these two sons was the most abused by his father and I always had to protect and comfort him - I can no longer do that.

    I am looking for encouragement and support ~

    My oldest daughter has me feeling like I am on a roller coaster ~

    She loves me - She loves me not ~

    My three younger children were spared from much of the abuse - I left the marraige when they were younger - Although, I do see depression setting in off and on in their lives as the waves of disfunction sweep thru our lives.

    Any comfort is appreciated ~
  2. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Well you have found the right place to be. Definitely a soft place to land, an understanding place.

    Between all of us members here, I think we have been through every parenting nightmare there is out there.

    I hope you find the support here helpful. I know I did.

    Others will be by later, sometimes the weekends are slower.

    Welcome to the group.

  3. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Welcome to the group! You have indeed found a very nice place to land, filled with the wisdom of many to help you find your way. Others will be along soon.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi and welcome

    our standard welcoming line is we are sorry you need us yet glad you found us, lol and we all do mean that.

    this place has been a tremendous amt of support for me and my children, or as we call them "difficult child's" gifts from god.

    It sounds as though you have gone through alot and survived alot and made some very hard and wise choices. I commend you for leaving the abusive situation, its not an easy thing to do, it takes courage.

    You seem to understand really well that you can't heal your children from whatever it is they suffered, yet you can realize that you did get out of the situation and that in itself is a tool hopefully they can use in their own recovery of it all.

    How young are the younger 3 children you speak of? do they still live at home? Have you recvd. any counseling since leaving the marriage?

    once again welcome, there will be alot of others to follow and welcome you to the group. you def have found a safe place to land.

  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Hello Im A Believer,

    I am having a big study weekend, and have time only for a quick response right now, but I just wanted to add my welcome!

    Sorry your life brought you to this point, but so glad you found us!
  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Glad you found us, sorry you had to. We are a motley crew here. Most of us have dealt with the a variety of issues--many have children who have or are addicted. Some have dealt with violence. Many have dealt with abuse. The key to surviving is, as you have learned, detachment---Let go and let God. Welcome--and hugs for the hurt that you have experienced.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. I have a suggestion that will get you an instant strong support system. Go to an alanon or narc-anon group. These are people who love drug and alcohol addicts and come together for help and support. They teach you how to go on in your life and how to deal with your loved ones. Check out a group. They won't make you say anything until you are ready to do it.
  8. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    It is so sad that children bear their scars for many, many years.

    I would acknowledge the pain and suffering that they have been through. If appropriate, I would apologize for things that you wish you would have/could have done differently. And then I would continue to love them and pray for them.

    At some point your adult children need to figure out how to heal. They must take ownership for the direction of their own lives. I would encourage them to find professional help.

    People can and do thrive - even after suffering abuse as children. It takes work and dedication.

    Hugs for your mother's heart.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, I'm a Believer!
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Just jumping in once again to say welcome and please feel free to post away!!! We are all here listening :)
  11. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    Thank You for your warm welcome!

    I will be searching out for an alanon or narc-anon support group. That is a wonderful idea.

    I look forward to supporting each other ~

  12. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Just want to add my welcome, and to say that this is a great group. You will find comfort and support here. At the same time, groups like Al-Anon are wonderful and can offer in-person support and validation, which is also nice.
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome aboard! :) You've landed in a warm comfy place with people who do "get" it.

    Detachment is easy to know you need to do it, easy to say you can do it, and much harder to put into action. Mostly because we love our kids to death no matter what stupid things they do. It takes a heck of alot to finally get to the point you can step back and stay out of it. And even then it's one of the hardest things in the world. After spending their whole childhood nurturing and protecting them it's hard to just shut it off, even when we know that is the only answer.

    Sounds like you've got a good start on Detachment 101. Don't worry if you stumble and fall. Most of us have at one time or another. It's a learning process.

    And like Trinity.........this is a super hectic study period for me. I'll have to check back later.

  14. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hi Judy,

    I also want to welcome you to the family.

    It will be very helpful for you to have a profile signature. Take a look at ours, then fashion one for your family that you feel comfortable about disclosing. Because there are so many of us, it's a great way to recall each other's stories and you won't have to repeat yourself every time you post.

    From your post it's obvious that the kids are dealing with scars from living in an abusive household...........what after-effects are you dealing with?

    Last edited: Dec 7, 2008
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    hi and welcome. I am glad you found us. I look forward to seeing more of you.

  16. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    Good Morning Everyone ~

    Suz, to answer you - I am dealing with overwhelming depression. It really just hit me. I was "OK" with having one and maybe even two children act out and still deal with life but it is getting so overwhelming with so many people acting out.

    I recently got into counseling again and just went to a Psychristic (SP) and she put me on Welbutrin.

    I'm not sure if it is working or not - I know it takes time - I am more aware of the flux in my highs and lows now where before I think I was just numb.

    I go back Tuesday to evaluate the medications.

    Thanks for asking!

    I will be putting together my signature this afternoon -

    I am off to Church ~

    Everyone have a Wonderful Day ~