Today, my burden feels heavy and it seems this two year struggle will never end. I am working hard on myself through Alanon, etc. so the days have gotten much better for me. My daughter seems to ride a constant wave of self destruction. When I think she is getting better, going to school and working hard another crisis comes and she is back at square one. I understand this is her battle and her choices are her own but why can't she see the pain she causes the people who love her the most. Over the last week I trying to remain distance just to save my own sanity. When I do that she calls more, stops by my office pushes to get my attention in any way possible. When she asks for my advice I have been sticking to "gee that's too bad what are you going to do?" for the most part. Today she arrived at my office full of drama about problems she is having and work and how two girls came to her house and beat her up! I finally said " I wish you had chosen an easier road, this life you have decided on is a rough one and that makes me sad". That was the wrong thing to say and things went down hill from there. Her leaving in a state of fury and me bawling which is how most days end up for us. I just can't help but wonder what caused such a disconnect in this child. Why would a 17 year old want to leave her comfortable home and her loving family to struggle day to day to survive. How can you not see what you are doing? We taught you right from wrong and loved you more than anything. It is just a hard, hard day and I know I shouldn't beat myself up about the "whys". Or ask myself "what if". I just don't know if I can watch her do this forever. I am tired of her affecting my life. I know "one moment at a time' but somedays that is just difficult.