I am fairly new here. I posted over Xmas how my oldest son who has struggled lately with depression and anxuety has been going down a scary road of drugs, drinking and now selling drugs. I thought we had turned a corner at Xmas, had an ok family trip. No arguments, had some fun. Since home, we paid for tuition for him to return to classes. This is the fourth time he has tried, third time we paid. He paid himself last term and had to withdraw. He promised us he wouldn't sell anymore, but we aren't convinced. He still has no job, but has gas money and I still see him spending. He says its left over from before. Not sure I believe him. He has two classes with his younger brother, and we count on him to drive him to classes. Now we find out he sometimes drops brother off but skips class. And yesterday younger son skipped class.... Ugh! I was so upset I can't even sleep tonight. My husband is ready to kick them both out. I know we won't. We are both too soft. I feel like we have worked so hard to provide a privileged life for them and they have zero respect or appreciation. They aren't rude to us usually and very kind, both of them, but something is not right. How does our oldest think his choices are ok? We must have given that impression.... I blame myself all he time. I'm now on anti depressants and sleeping pills so I can function in my job. ( which ironically is a guidance counsellor) my oldest son said to me today "I just feel you are sad all the time" which makes me realize I have contributed to this ..... I feel like I'm losing any sense of self or happiness. I am trying but I'm still drowning.