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Substance Abuse
Struggling to be strong.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 678124" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Colleen, how does this have anything to do with you?</p><p></p><p>These are their choices.</p><p></p><p>How could you feel happy, with these worries?</p><p></p><p>Read some of our old posts. Are all of us failures as mothers? We may be, but how does that help? The key to this is simple, but very, very hard:</p><p></p><p>First, recognize that for our adult children to change, they have to do it. They have to want it.</p><p></p><p>Two, recognize that we cannot make the kinds of choices we had wanted to, without the risk of enabling their self-destructive, self-defeating behaviors. <em>Subsidizing your son's college while you know he deals drugs and uses them. </em></p><p></p><p>These scenarios all of us are facing require new behaviors by us.</p><p></p><p>We all of us try self-blame, self-attack as our first line of defense against the reality that our adult children are choosing. <em>It does not work</em>. It does not help you, your children or your family. It makes it worse.</p><p></p><p>The only control you have here is in you. To choose differently how to deal with your adult children, and how to treat yourself.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. I am glad you are back. I hope you do not feel I am being hard on you. Others will check in tomorrow morning, starting at 4 AM Pacific Time.</p><p></p><p>Posting helps. As much as you can. You figure things out not only getting support for your specific circumstances but by reading and responding to the posts of others. That is how changing occurs. We are glad you are here. We understand. It is not your fault. Take care. (Many of us do jobs like yours. Therapists, Doctors, Teachers. People whose kids <em>should</em> thrive. It only makes it harder on us.)</p><p></p><p>It is not your fault.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 678124, member: 18958"] Colleen, how does this have anything to do with you? These are their choices. How could you feel happy, with these worries? Read some of our old posts. Are all of us failures as mothers? We may be, but how does that help? The key to this is simple, but very, very hard: First, recognize that for our adult children to change, they have to do it. They have to want it. Two, recognize that we cannot make the kinds of choices we had wanted to, without the risk of enabling their self-destructive, self-defeating behaviors. [I]Subsidizing your son's college while you know he deals drugs and uses them. [/I] These scenarios all of us are facing require new behaviors by us. We all of us try self-blame, self-attack as our first line of defense against the reality that our adult children are choosing. [I]It does not work[/I]. It does not help you, your children or your family. It makes it worse. The only control you have here is in you. To choose differently how to deal with your adult children, and how to treat yourself. Keep posting. I am glad you are back. I hope you do not feel I am being hard on you. Others will check in tomorrow morning, starting at 4 AM Pacific Time. Posting helps. As much as you can. You figure things out not only getting support for your specific circumstances but by reading and responding to the posts of others. That is how changing occurs. We are glad you are here. We understand. It is not your fault. Take care. (Many of us do jobs like yours. Therapists, Doctors, Teachers. People whose kids [I]should[/I] thrive. It only makes it harder on us.) It is not your fault. COPA [/QUOTE]
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