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Struggling with decisions
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 706761" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the rest. To me, your other kids do not get a vote. You are the mother, the parent. They will get to vote when they have their own families and households. Second, the deal she got is between the Court and she. Your role gives you rights to make decisions over your home, yourself, and younger children for whom you are responsible. You are doing that. Particularly with respect to protecting those for whom you are responsible from more tumult, danger, the effects of uncaring and poor choices, and bad conduct.</p><p></p><p>All of her lifestyle and choices accrue to her, as does her success or failure. The obstacles she faces to her reputation, etc. are par of the fabric of her life. How are you or she different? We have to deal with what has come before. Except for many of us we were not responsible, if we were neglected or traumatized. She was neither. She decided and she suffered. That is what is real life. You cannot take that away from her.</p><p></p><p>There are so many options she has that are good--if she chooses them. She can go to Job Corps. She can go to college or learn a trade. She can decide she wants to kick her addiction. She is off to a rocky start but she can right herself. If she chooses.</p><p></p><p>Like the others I would dismiss what she says: she is manipulating and self-serving. She is trying to share the culpability and responsibility of her own acts with you. I would not tolerate this happening. I would not welcome or encourage contact if she chooses to continue this form of treatment towards you.</p><p></p><p>Have you considered an Al Anon meeting? We are glad you are here. Take care. You are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 706761, member: 18958"] Welcome. I agree with the rest. To me, your other kids do not get a vote. You are the mother, the parent. They will get to vote when they have their own families and households. Second, the deal she got is between the Court and she. Your role gives you rights to make decisions over your home, yourself, and younger children for whom you are responsible. You are doing that. Particularly with respect to protecting those for whom you are responsible from more tumult, danger, the effects of uncaring and poor choices, and bad conduct. All of her lifestyle and choices accrue to her, as does her success or failure. The obstacles she faces to her reputation, etc. are par of the fabric of her life. How are you or she different? We have to deal with what has come before. Except for many of us we were not responsible, if we were neglected or traumatized. She was neither. She decided and she suffered. That is what is real life. You cannot take that away from her. There are so many options she has that are good--if she chooses them. She can go to Job Corps. She can go to college or learn a trade. She can decide she wants to kick her addiction. She is off to a rocky start but she can right herself. If she chooses. Like the others I would dismiss what she says: she is manipulating and self-serving. She is trying to share the culpability and responsibility of her own acts with you. I would not tolerate this happening. I would not welcome or encourage contact if she chooses to continue this form of treatment towards you. Have you considered an Al Anon meeting? We are glad you are here. Take care. You are not alone. [/QUOTE]
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