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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 671158" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi KSM, welcome and thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. I am sorry for what you are going through.</p><p>How much you have sacrificed. How brave and wonderful you are.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You have taken in your grands, this is the ultimate sacrifice KSM, in the winter of our lives, starting all over again.</p><p>The question you asked is a deep one, and the answer is, one doesn't. It is impossible.</p><p>One simply does the best we can, under difficult circumstances.</p><p>There are no promises in this. We try our best to forge the new path.</p><p>Ultimately, the paths our children and grands decide to walk, is their own.</p><p>Amazing how the influence continues, even from afar. I suppose it is what I have had to realize in doing the opposite, not taking my grands in again, because our circumstances are different.</p><p>In that horrible realization that my grands were being raised to witness upfront and personal, the crazy their parents have chosen, came the realization that these grandchildren would always be tied to their parents.</p><p>No matter what.</p><p>That is life, and reality, that they would yearn to know their parents, no matter what.</p><p>Whatever picture they could conjure up in their minds to satisfy that inner most need to connect with their parents, would always be there in their minds.</p><p>I have no control over it, and neither do you.</p><p>And so, with your granddaughter approaching 18, you are faced with this conundrum all over again.</p><p>You made the ultimate sacrifice to raise her.</p><p>You did the best you could.</p><p>And she will still be what she will be.</p><p>It is a double blow KSM.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are remembering KSM. In this second time around, you will do better I pray, to take care of yourself, to not be hard on yourself, to draw the boundaries sooner, and not lose yourself in the drawing of them.</p><p></p><p></p><p>So much conflict, so difficult and unfair.</p><p>My new mantra is</p><p>The past a lesson, the present a gift, the future unknown.</p><p>Who knows where all of this will lead to?</p><p></p><p>The one predictable, controllable factor you have on your side is the knowledge that the only thing you can control is your reaction and response.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Our hopes and dreams and wants and needs for our children and grands are not dashed upon the shore in the waves of their choices.</p><p></p><p>We can continue to hope and dream, but realize that it may not happen in the timeframe we had imagined.</p><p></p><p>I cope, by giving them all to G-d. I cope by turning my awfulizing around to wonderfulizing.</p><p></p><p>By giving them back to G-d I have entrusted them to a most powerful being.</p><p></p><p>Then I can work on myself, and take steps to work on my endless possibilities.</p><p></p><p>By doing this, I am showing myself, and my children and grandchildren that every second of every day, we have the ability to change, to make things brighter and better.</p><p></p><p>In this, they may, or may not, take those steps themselves.</p><p></p><p>We have no control over their lives and choices.</p><p></p><p>But we do have control over our response and reactions to them.</p><p></p><p>I cope by realizing that our lives are fraught with struggle,</p><p>but we are meant to continually work towards inner peace.</p><p></p><p>We are meant to know our self worth and value, and through the knowing of it</p><p>we emanate a grace and power beyond imagination.</p><p></p><p>We show our loved ones by loving ourselves</p><p>the importance</p><p>of loving themselves.</p><p></p><p>Good day to you KSM. </p><p>Do something incredible for yourself.</p><p></p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 671158, member: 19522"] Hi KSM, welcome and thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. I am sorry for what you are going through. How much you have sacrificed. How brave and wonderful you are. You have taken in your grands, this is the ultimate sacrifice KSM, in the winter of our lives, starting all over again. The question you asked is a deep one, and the answer is, one doesn't. It is impossible. One simply does the best we can, under difficult circumstances. There are no promises in this. We try our best to forge the new path. Ultimately, the paths our children and grands decide to walk, is their own. Amazing how the influence continues, even from afar. I suppose it is what I have had to realize in doing the opposite, not taking my grands in again, because our circumstances are different. In that horrible realization that my grands were being raised to witness upfront and personal, the crazy their parents have chosen, came the realization that these grandchildren would always be tied to their parents. No matter what. That is life, and reality, that they would yearn to know their parents, no matter what. Whatever picture they could conjure up in their minds to satisfy that inner most need to connect with their parents, would always be there in their minds. I have no control over it, and neither do you. And so, with your granddaughter approaching 18, you are faced with this conundrum all over again. You made the ultimate sacrifice to raise her. You did the best you could. And she will still be what she will be. It is a double blow KSM. You are remembering KSM. In this second time around, you will do better I pray, to take care of yourself, to not be hard on yourself, to draw the boundaries sooner, and not lose yourself in the drawing of them. So much conflict, so difficult and unfair. My new mantra is The past a lesson, the present a gift, the future unknown. Who knows where all of this will lead to? The one predictable, controllable factor you have on your side is the knowledge that the only thing you can control is your reaction and response. Our hopes and dreams and wants and needs for our children and grands are not dashed upon the shore in the waves of their choices. We can continue to hope and dream, but realize that it may not happen in the timeframe we had imagined. I cope, by giving them all to G-d. I cope by turning my awfulizing around to wonderfulizing. By giving them back to G-d I have entrusted them to a most powerful being. Then I can work on myself, and take steps to work on my endless possibilities. By doing this, I am showing myself, and my children and grandchildren that every second of every day, we have the ability to change, to make things brighter and better. In this, they may, or may not, take those steps themselves. We have no control over their lives and choices. But we do have control over our response and reactions to them. I cope by realizing that our lives are fraught with struggle, but we are meant to continually work towards inner peace. We are meant to know our self worth and value, and through the knowing of it we emanate a grace and power beyond imagination. We show our loved ones by loving ourselves the importance of loving themselves. Good day to you KSM. Do something incredible for yourself. Leafy [/QUOTE]
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