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Failure to Thrive
Stuck in a corner
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 707130" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My son has some of the same issues. I took a stand against the marijuana as a condition of help. It is a constant battle.</p><p>I have the same issue with my partner, but it is I who feels guilty because my son feels I side with M, not with him. There is competition between the two men, and I am pulled in 2 directions.</p><p></p><p>I identify with your husband who wants to preserve a relationship with his father and may feel if he stands up to him, he will lose his father's affection and/or approval. Or perhaps that his father will criticize him harshly, too. Perhaps your father in law treated your husband harshly, with tough love, and your husband still feels scarred by this.</p><p></p><p>Your husband must find his own voice as I must find my own. The issue is not father in law, but husband (and me, too) being able to find our power.</p><p></p><p>Everybody has the idea that this is easy, and that they could do a better job as parents than we are doing. That goes with the territory. Maybe they could. Let them try.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile we are in this together.</p><p></p><p>I think your son is doing great. Taking risks. Getting out there. I do not believe in tough love, but I do believe in staying on them hard. And when they mistreat us, they mistreat themselves.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 707130, member: 18958"] My son has some of the same issues. I took a stand against the marijuana as a condition of help. It is a constant battle. I have the same issue with my partner, but it is I who feels guilty because my son feels I side with M, not with him. There is competition between the two men, and I am pulled in 2 directions. I identify with your husband who wants to preserve a relationship with his father and may feel if he stands up to him, he will lose his father's affection and/or approval. Or perhaps that his father will criticize him harshly, too. Perhaps your father in law treated your husband harshly, with tough love, and your husband still feels scarred by this. Your husband must find his own voice as I must find my own. The issue is not father in law, but husband (and me, too) being able to find our power. Everybody has the idea that this is easy, and that they could do a better job as parents than we are doing. That goes with the territory. Maybe they could. Let them try. Meanwhile we are in this together. I think your son is doing great. Taking risks. Getting out there. I do not believe in tough love, but I do believe in staying on them hard. And when they mistreat us, they mistreat themselves. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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