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Failure to Thrive
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 707227" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am reading an excellent book by Suzette Elgin Haden who was an applied linguist, called <u>You Can't Say That to Me. </u> The book is about verbal abuse, both abusers and victims (and observers too) and how we can take responsibility to stop it.</p><p></p><p>She describes how children grow up in homes where communication styles are abusive and learn this way of communicating. She asserts that much of this may be unconscious, a learned way to get attention and control.</p><p></p><p>Most importantly she says it can be stopped. In almost all cases. That those who are abused can stop it by not feeding it. After reading a few pages, I realized that all of my responses feed the cycle, and that I too can be verbally abusive, although I excuse it (in myself...).</p><p></p><p>She says that verbal abusers are not necessarily bad people, most are not. It is the language which is bad. The language environment and the communication style.</p><p></p><p>I highly recommend this book which actually is a 8 step program to stop verbal abuse in our families, the workplace, etc.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 707227, member: 18958"] I am reading an excellent book by Suzette Elgin Haden who was an applied linguist, called [U]You Can't Say That to Me. [/U] The book is about verbal abuse, both abusers and victims (and observers too) and how we can take responsibility to stop it. She describes how children grow up in homes where communication styles are abusive and learn this way of communicating. She asserts that much of this may be unconscious, a learned way to get attention and control. Most importantly she says it can be stopped. In almost all cases. That those who are abused can stop it by not feeding it. After reading a few pages, I realized that all of my responses feed the cycle, and that I too can be verbally abusive, although I excuse it (in myself...). She says that verbal abusers are not necessarily bad people, most are not. It is the language which is bad. The language environment and the communication style. I highly recommend this book which actually is a 8 step program to stop verbal abuse in our families, the workplace, etc. [/QUOTE]
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