Stupid Dove Chocolate

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, Oct 4, 2007.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hi family,

    how goes the diet Star?

    Oh gosh glad you asked. I stopped at Big Lots to get soap for the office, and found Coffee flavored slim fast. On the way out someone put a bag of stupid dove chocolate with almond candy down, and I felt compelled to purchase it.

    even the cashier looked at me and said "Isn't this an Oxymoron?" I was not in the mood. So I told her the truth. The coffee flavored slim fast was for DF; the chocolates were for me. I don't need a diet. (telling myself this sounded just as dumb as buying the evil dove squares)

    So I get out to my little SUV. I sit there and tell myself NO Star do not open the bag. Willpower went to swill and I ripped the bag open with my teeth careful not to let the little gold foiled covered joy exxxxplode all over the car.

    And good, I got it open, no harm. I reached in the bag fishing with one hand, and trying to steer with the other and got one. I held the steering wheel with my knee and opened it, and it slipped right down between the seat and console. (censored) So...go fish. I globbed onto another one and got the foil all the way off and (censored) down in the console again. I was beginning to think that I should just shove it in my mouth foil and all when I reached one more time, managed to snag 3 or 4 and dropped them in my lap. Ahhhh chocolate at last.

    Well it's 81 here today. A little overcast, but still hot and how many of those little sweet, squares of heaven did I have? 2,3,4 my mind did a mental inventory as I got out of the SUV and into work. I made it to the restrooms to wash my hands...and then I heard it. Like a brick from the 51st floor on a high rise construction site it hit the floor; most of that stupid chocolate square melted into my pants and now was like a red bullseye on a target at the rifle range.

    - Pants licker did not come to mind. But I've seen that commercial.

    I did the best I could with the new soap, M fold cheapo bathroom towels that are worthless if they think about going near water and willpower to get it out of my pants, at one point I think I remember praying "Oh not today, please." and managed to get back to my office where I am now sitting with wet pants, stained with a brown spot of chocolate and last years hoodie tied so casually around my waste. As if. Silkpants and hoodie make SUCH a fashion statement.

    Feeling like I'd gotten one over on life, as I was sitting at my desk when the boss walked in, looked at me and pointed to the corner of his mouth. Upon wiping my face the back of my hand looked like a 2 year olds face left in the kitchen with a chocolate pudding pop.

    STUPID DOVE CHOCOLATE. Curses! :bag:

    I'm going home to eat my chocolate without pants on! HA!
  2. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

  3. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    OMG ... how funny. Best part of the story is that I'll bet you'd do it all again for just one piece of Dove chocolate.

    Thanks for the laugh.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Star... I regularly have chocolate in the corner of my mouth. Though I tend to only sit on Duckie's lost food. I guess the moral of this story is:
    Don't Dove & Drive. :slap:
  5. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I love it Star! :rofl:

    Dove chocolate is the best cheap chocolate there is. Ever had a dove truffle easter egg? OMG
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Cheap chocolate is never good.

    Good chocolate is never cheap.
  7. loricbme

    loricbme New Member

    Ahhhhhh! That is great! Thanks for the laugh, I needed it. And LOVE the Don't Dove and Drive comment.
  8. I thought everyone always ate their chocolate without their pants on!
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

  10. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Guest

    Stand up and be proud fellow chocolate eaters, you were just doing instinctively doing what you knew was the right thing.

    A Dark Chocolate a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
    Daily Dark Chocolate Good for the Heart, Loaded With Flavonoids
    By Daniel J. DeNoon
    WebMD Medical News

    Here's news that's hard not to like. Eating a small, 1.6-ounce bar of dark chocolate every day is good for you. Very good for you, find Mary Engler, PhD, RN, of the University of California, San Francisco, and colleagues.

    Now here is a medical experiment you would love to volunteer for. Engler's team divided 21 healthy adults into two groups. One group got a Dove Dark Chocolate bar every day for two weeks. Like other dark chocolate bars with high-cocoa content, this one is loaded with something called epicatechin. Epicatechin is a particularly active member of a group of compounds called plant flavoniods. Flavoniods keep cholesterol from gathering in blood vessels, reduce the risk of blood clots, and slow down the immune responses that lead to clogged arteries.

    The second group that didn't get Dove bars wasn't totally left out. They, too, got dark chocolate bars. But their treats had the flavoniods taken out.

    All subjects underwent high-tech evaluation of how well the blood vessels dilate and relax -- an indictor of healthy blood vessel function. Blood vessel stiffness indicates diseased vessels and possible atherosclerosis. Those who got the full-flavonoid chocolate did significantly better. Why? Blood tests showed that high levels of epicatechin were coursing through their arteries.
  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 1 Day At a Time</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I thought everyone always ate their chocolate without their pants on! </div></div>

    Only during the full moon. :devil:
  12. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    Tee hee! Starbie, you should totally email that to Dove, it would make a fabulous commercial. And you might just become a bajillionaire.
    I always get in trouble in Big Lots lots of junk food I do NOT need. And they have a military discount day here to make things even worse.
  13. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Dove....little squares of heaven....YUM.

    Ummmmm being that it was 81 and all....did you happen to get the chocolate out from in between the console and your floor? I bet you have a chocolate carpet in your car too......

  14. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    OMG! I haven't laughed that hard since...I don't know when! That could be me in the story, but I'd never be able to tell it nearly as well...thank you!!!
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    On YOU, Wet silk pants with chocolate spots and a hoodie ARE a fashion statement!

    Thanks for the giggle, this would make a great dove commercial.

    And dove dark is one of my fav chocolates. I have a cappuccino ice cream recipe that I shave cold dove dark to put in.

    Absolute Sin. Well, it would be if it called for Vodka. I guess we will call it Brandy Kona Sin!

  16. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    This explains why dark brown is the "new" black in fashion....
  17. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    :rofl: :smile:

    Sorry, Starbie. I'm dying here - Dove chocolates in themselves are a fashion statement. :lipstick: I would think you'd wear it with pride! I'm disappointed that you would try to cover Dove chocolate up. :hammer: Makes me fear for your sanity, dear. :scared: :crazy2: :smile:
  18. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Ummmm, Star....

    You know, if I saw brown stains on someones pants, my first thought would NOT be, "Gee, I'll bet she's been eating Dove chocolate in the car!"

  19. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member


    I had no idea chocolate was that good for me!

    And now that we have all been forewarned about the dangers of sneaking chocolate into the car on warm days ~ or keeping an extra hoodie around to cover any indiscretions (quick thinking, Star! :)) we can indulge with impunity!

    Oh, happy day!

    My secret in-the-car-vice-while-driving is fudgesicles. I love to turn the heat up and eat the whole box.



  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    OMG, you are near and dear to my heart! That's something I would do! I love Dove dark chocolate, and I'm hypoglycemic.
    Your boss must have gotten a kick out of that.
    Thanks for the laugh! (But now I want some chocolate ...)