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Such a struggle-need ideas...
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<blockquote data-quote="BTDT" data-source="post: 13313" data-attributes="member: 3401"><p>Dear Oceans,</p><p></p><p>I am so with OTE. Sounds to me as if you're at least dealing with ODD. If not also depression. (However, a child with ADHD that cannot concentrate in school, especially a bright one, will get depressed for sure, if he's not getting prescribed medication for ADHD.) </p><p></p><p>Now let's see, which would I rather do, go to school and fail, or stay home, sleep all day, and stay on the computer all night? Hmmmmm. You do the math.</p><p></p><p>This is what I recommend... The computer disappears mysteriously....And put a deadbolt lock on the door to your room, or perhaps even the house.</p><p></p><p>Say this in short sentences. No expression on your face or in your voice whatsoever. No hand gestures. Standing up straight, preferably do this when he's sitting down, not laying down.</p><p></p><p>And explain patiently that you... had to take the computer to the principal's office for safekeeping (and take it there - or take it to the computer shop, but not in your house). You didn't want to, but he really left you no choice. Because it's against the law to keep him outta school and you don't want to get in trouble with the law. So you just have to prove to the principal that you're not letting him stay home all day and night on the computer.</p><p></p><p>And that is why, being the benevolent person that you are, you will make this deal, and it's great as all get out for him because...</p><p></p><p>When you see him attend ten straight days of school, 100% attendance and compliance, you personally will get in your car and drive all the way across town to ask the principal to return the computer. Period. </p><p></p><p>And, as an extra bonus, in addition to the attendance/compliance - if he wants the computer back two times sooner - for every day that you also hear no complaining/begging for the computer AND you see a squeaky clean boy freshly scrubbed with soap, you will mark one day off "no computer time". See how that works. You get a full five days no matter what. For every time he demands the computer, of course that adds one day. Sorry, but you have no choice.</p><p></p><p>Either way, whatever he decide to do, it's totally up to him, you're just telling him what you had to do, just so he understands. So he can choose.</p><p></p><p>HA! That oughtta fry his pies. And I don't know the law where you live, but I may also say that you're so afraid of getting a ticket for his truancy, that the officers have left you no choice but to call the truant officers the next time he doesn't get on that bus.Still his choice (but you've heard some strange things happening down at that backwoods jail -tee-heehee) </p><p></p><p>Thing is, of course, if he chooses to miss school, the computer will just land right back in the principal's office but this time of course it will have to be for 20 days because obviously ten days wasn't long enough. </p><p></p><p>If you don't have the guts to do this, dear Oceans, please prepare for buckets more tears. And please wave goodbye to him getting better on his own. Those rivers of tears are what it feels like when you know it's getting worse. And there are oceans more ahead.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry to give you this realistic news. You don't have to be stronger, dear Aqua, just play smarter. Always think of his payoff. The naive, "sorry I didn't have any choice approach" is best for a 15 year old with muscles... Until you can learn how to turn the tables here.</p><p></p><p>Next question is this. Is he being medicated for ADHD? And if not, how exactly do you expect him to learn in school? Please hear my humble opinion. If he has ADHD, he can't. He can't. He just plain can't.</p><p></p><p>Rivuletly yours...I'm truly sorry for your suffering. Not being flippant, only brutally realistic, but you don't know me from Adam, and that really doesn't matter, cause all that really matters is that you know in your heart that you've had enough, and this is probably the thing to do, if only you could conjure up a bit more gumption (and you can my friend, you have it in you). </p><p></p><p>So print this out and practice it in front of a mirror until you have every word, every comeback downpat. And get that computer outta there, even if you must stage a friend as a repairman that must fix the electricity in his room - get it outta there.</p><p></p><p>And these little fingers are now typed down to the bone for one reason only, (not to prove anything to anyone, or to convert anyone from what's working for them so terrifically,) But because you asked so sweetly and sincerely amidst all those hurting tears. And I remember how it feels to be humiliated and verbally tortured by a child you always dreamed for gone terribly bad. </p><p></p><p>And because this is a promise: I've...</p><p></p><p>been there done that exactly...</p><p></p><p>and it worked better than you can possibly imagine. You can do this, Sweetie.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BTDT, post: 13313, member: 3401"] Dear Oceans, I am so with OTE. Sounds to me as if you're at least dealing with ODD. If not also depression. (However, a child with ADHD that cannot concentrate in school, especially a bright one, will get depressed for sure, if he's not getting prescribed medication for ADHD.) Now let's see, which would I rather do, go to school and fail, or stay home, sleep all day, and stay on the computer all night? Hmmmmm. You do the math. This is what I recommend... The computer disappears mysteriously....And put a deadbolt lock on the door to your room, or perhaps even the house. Say this in short sentences. No expression on your face or in your voice whatsoever. No hand gestures. Standing up straight, preferably do this when he's sitting down, not laying down. And explain patiently that you... had to take the computer to the principal's office for safekeeping (and take it there - or take it to the computer shop, but not in your house). You didn't want to, but he really left you no choice. Because it's against the law to keep him outta school and you don't want to get in trouble with the law. So you just have to prove to the principal that you're not letting him stay home all day and night on the computer. And that is why, being the benevolent person that you are, you will make this deal, and it's great as all get out for him because... When you see him attend ten straight days of school, 100% attendance and compliance, you personally will get in your car and drive all the way across town to ask the principal to return the computer. Period. And, as an extra bonus, in addition to the attendance/compliance - if he wants the computer back two times sooner - for every day that you also hear no complaining/begging for the computer AND you see a squeaky clean boy freshly scrubbed with soap, you will mark one day off "no computer time". See how that works. You get a full five days no matter what. For every time he demands the computer, of course that adds one day. Sorry, but you have no choice. Either way, whatever he decide to do, it's totally up to him, you're just telling him what you had to do, just so he understands. So he can choose. HA! That oughtta fry his pies. And I don't know the law where you live, but I may also say that you're so afraid of getting a ticket for his truancy, that the officers have left you no choice but to call the truant officers the next time he doesn't get on that bus.Still his choice (but you've heard some strange things happening down at that backwoods jail -tee-heehee) Thing is, of course, if he chooses to miss school, the computer will just land right back in the principal's office but this time of course it will have to be for 20 days because obviously ten days wasn't long enough. If you don't have the guts to do this, dear Oceans, please prepare for buckets more tears. And please wave goodbye to him getting better on his own. Those rivers of tears are what it feels like when you know it's getting worse. And there are oceans more ahead. I'm sorry to give you this realistic news. You don't have to be stronger, dear Aqua, just play smarter. Always think of his payoff. The naive, "sorry I didn't have any choice approach" is best for a 15 year old with muscles... Until you can learn how to turn the tables here. Next question is this. Is he being medicated for ADHD? And if not, how exactly do you expect him to learn in school? Please hear my humble opinion. If he has ADHD, he can't. He can't. He just plain can't. Rivuletly yours...I'm truly sorry for your suffering. Not being flippant, only brutally realistic, but you don't know me from Adam, and that really doesn't matter, cause all that really matters is that you know in your heart that you've had enough, and this is probably the thing to do, if only you could conjure up a bit more gumption (and you can my friend, you have it in you). So print this out and practice it in front of a mirror until you have every word, every comeback downpat. And get that computer outta there, even if you must stage a friend as a repairman that must fix the electricity in his room - get it outta there. And these little fingers are now typed down to the bone for one reason only, (not to prove anything to anyone, or to convert anyone from what's working for them so terrifically,) But because you asked so sweetly and sincerely amidst all those hurting tears. And I remember how it feels to be humiliated and verbally tortured by a child you always dreamed for gone terribly bad. And because this is a promise: I've... been there done that exactly... and it worked better than you can possibly imagine. You can do this, Sweetie. [/QUOTE]
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