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Super meeting part 3
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 728433" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I applaud you for bringing your husband in to help with your daughter and this financial disaster. It would be an EXCELLENT idea to have a WRITTEN list of the things that you are demanding of your daughter. Keep one saved in your phone, keep one by your home phone. Keep one in your records, and anywhere else it will remind you of what the boundaries are.</p><p></p><p>I think you have a tendency to let her slide, or to accept her excuses for not doing what she is supposed to have done. You want her to live a responsible life so much and if she tells you that she knows she did wrong and she is going to do right from now on, you try to give her a chance. Even in this round of posts you tried to talk yourself into giving her a chance. You even gave her furniture for her spa even though she owed you a horrendous amount of money at that point. </p><p></p><p>Maybe the perspective on agreements that helped me would help you? At one point when my kids were little, I would tell them no and then change my mind. They got so they couldn't rely on what I said because I was always changing my mind. So I thought about it and sat us all down as a family. I told them that from now on, No meant No, and Yes meant Yes. My word was a CONTRACT with them that I could not break even if I wanted to. So if I asked for a minute or five to think, it was probably best that they not pester me. If they pestered me, it was automatically the answer they didn't want, but if they didn't, I might give the answer they did want. </p><p></p><p>It was HARD to stop going back on what I told them. Especially when they came up with such creative and LOGICAL reasons for me to do or not do something (I am a svcker for logical reasons, especially coming from little kids). It was a very good thing for me. </p><p></p><p>Maybe if you treat what you told her like a contract and you enforce every part of it (PITA on your part), your life will improve. Hers may or may not, that isn't for you to worry about. But yours is all tied up in worry and that isn't healthy. </p><p></p><p>I also suggest you contact the authorities and ask if you can put a No Trespass order on her 1/2 Azz Boyfriend as the Homeowners. You might not be able to as you are not the Tenant, but you might if you can show he damaged your property. It would be worth asking your cop friend about it. Also contact an attorney or the Court Clerk to find out how you go about evicting your daughter for nonpayment of rent. </p><p></p><p>Don't wait to get the information. Get it NOW. Before the week is out! Why? Because then you are ARMED and you know you don't have to tolerate her nonsense. It takes the mystery out of the process. It makes it just a little easier to do what needs to be done. </p><p></p><p>The big thing is that you MUST follow through with everything that you said you would do. No matter what. </p><p></p><p>You and your husband did a really great job!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 728433, member: 1233"] I applaud you for bringing your husband in to help with your daughter and this financial disaster. It would be an EXCELLENT idea to have a WRITTEN list of the things that you are demanding of your daughter. Keep one saved in your phone, keep one by your home phone. Keep one in your records, and anywhere else it will remind you of what the boundaries are. I think you have a tendency to let her slide, or to accept her excuses for not doing what she is supposed to have done. You want her to live a responsible life so much and if she tells you that she knows she did wrong and she is going to do right from now on, you try to give her a chance. Even in this round of posts you tried to talk yourself into giving her a chance. You even gave her furniture for her spa even though she owed you a horrendous amount of money at that point. Maybe the perspective on agreements that helped me would help you? At one point when my kids were little, I would tell them no and then change my mind. They got so they couldn't rely on what I said because I was always changing my mind. So I thought about it and sat us all down as a family. I told them that from now on, No meant No, and Yes meant Yes. My word was a CONTRACT with them that I could not break even if I wanted to. So if I asked for a minute or five to think, it was probably best that they not pester me. If they pestered me, it was automatically the answer they didn't want, but if they didn't, I might give the answer they did want. It was HARD to stop going back on what I told them. Especially when they came up with such creative and LOGICAL reasons for me to do or not do something (I am a svcker for logical reasons, especially coming from little kids). It was a very good thing for me. Maybe if you treat what you told her like a contract and you enforce every part of it (PITA on your part), your life will improve. Hers may or may not, that isn't for you to worry about. But yours is all tied up in worry and that isn't healthy. I also suggest you contact the authorities and ask if you can put a No Trespass order on her 1/2 Azz Boyfriend as the Homeowners. You might not be able to as you are not the Tenant, but you might if you can show he damaged your property. It would be worth asking your cop friend about it. Also contact an attorney or the Court Clerk to find out how you go about evicting your daughter for nonpayment of rent. Don't wait to get the information. Get it NOW. Before the week is out! Why? Because then you are ARMED and you know you don't have to tolerate her nonsense. It takes the mystery out of the process. It makes it just a little easier to do what needs to be done. The big thing is that you MUST follow through with everything that you said you would do. No matter what. You and your husband did a really great job! [/QUOTE]
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