Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Support or Advice, I just need help. PLEASE!!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 618826" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi PinkBanana, I am so sorry you are going through this!</p><p></p><p>I think the reason that people are suggesting that he was abused is because of the change in bowel habits, urinating and pooping in his pants, and the sudden onset of the behavior.</p><p>While it may seem like the birth of the baby brought on the behavior, his self-centeredness and odd behaviors may have been there all along, but excused because he was so cute and sweet and was a little kid, after all. I know that people made up tons of excuses for my son early on, when in fact, he should have been getting help.</p><p></p><p>There is a lot going on and I would suggest that you approach it one behavior at a time.</p><p></p><p>First and foremost, is the safety and violence issue. If he is physically attacking you, you tell him that from now on, you call the police. Period. He has already exhibited the mindset that he is not responsible for anything, and there's nothing like facing charges that will teach a person what cause and effect is.</p><p></p><p>If he is verbally attacking you, you'll have to sit down together (or stand in the hallway if he won't come to the table) and tell him that if he says XYZ, his Gameboy, TV, phone, whatever it is goes away. Expect him to have a fit. He'll blame you for making him mad. Try your best to ignore him and walk away. Don't give in. Give him back whatever you take when he apologizes, even if he's not "feeling" the apology. He's got to learn how to behave in society, which begins in your house, even if he doesn't feel it.</p><p></p><p>I noticed in your last note, that "I can barely ask him what he wants on a sandwich without him being completely rude and hateful to me." Taking that literally and using it as an example, I would suggest that he is old enough to make his own sandwiches. Leave out exactly what he needs to use for a sandwich and direct him to it. He is old enough now. Even if he makes a huge mess, praise him highly for making the sandwich on his own. It's going to seem weird, especially since it will probably look like the kitchen exploded, but it is important to find something constructive for him to do, no matter how small, because the situation is toxic and negative, and you've got to turn that around somehow. Praise was the hardest thing for me to do with my son. It seemed like no matter what he did, it was rude, loud, smelly, violent or crazy. But I found things--"Thank you for shutting the door quietly and nicely. I like that." It made a HUGE difference in our ability to communicate with-one another. </p><p></p><p>In regard to the urine issue, do you think he knows what he is doing? Is it a sensory issue? Or is he too into whatever he is doing--sleeping, gaming--to get up and go to the bathroom?</p><p>My son smeared feces on the walls, too. It was a sensory issue with-him. (Took us forever to figure it out, too!) We use WetWipes now and it really helps.</p><p>Did he help you to rip out the old carpet? That's part of cause-and-effect. He's got to participate.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea if your son is suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), his biomom's drug use, or Asperger's, or borderline personality disorder, or all of those (!) but it would really help to have a solid diagnosis. I like the advice and info here about insurance; I would definitely follow through about medication care and a diagnosis.</p><p></p><p>Take care!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 618826, member: 3419"] Hi PinkBanana, I am so sorry you are going through this! I think the reason that people are suggesting that he was abused is because of the change in bowel habits, urinating and pooping in his pants, and the sudden onset of the behavior. While it may seem like the birth of the baby brought on the behavior, his self-centeredness and odd behaviors may have been there all along, but excused because he was so cute and sweet and was a little kid, after all. I know that people made up tons of excuses for my son early on, when in fact, he should have been getting help. There is a lot going on and I would suggest that you approach it one behavior at a time. First and foremost, is the safety and violence issue. If he is physically attacking you, you tell him that from now on, you call the police. Period. He has already exhibited the mindset that he is not responsible for anything, and there's nothing like facing charges that will teach a person what cause and effect is. If he is verbally attacking you, you'll have to sit down together (or stand in the hallway if he won't come to the table) and tell him that if he says XYZ, his Gameboy, TV, phone, whatever it is goes away. Expect him to have a fit. He'll blame you for making him mad. Try your best to ignore him and walk away. Don't give in. Give him back whatever you take when he apologizes, even if he's not "feeling" the apology. He's got to learn how to behave in society, which begins in your house, even if he doesn't feel it. I noticed in your last note, that "I can barely ask him what he wants on a sandwich without him being completely rude and hateful to me." Taking that literally and using it as an example, I would suggest that he is old enough to make his own sandwiches. Leave out exactly what he needs to use for a sandwich and direct him to it. He is old enough now. Even if he makes a huge mess, praise him highly for making the sandwich on his own. It's going to seem weird, especially since it will probably look like the kitchen exploded, but it is important to find something constructive for him to do, no matter how small, because the situation is toxic and negative, and you've got to turn that around somehow. Praise was the hardest thing for me to do with my son. It seemed like no matter what he did, it was rude, loud, smelly, violent or crazy. But I found things--"Thank you for shutting the door quietly and nicely. I like that." It made a HUGE difference in our ability to communicate with-one another. In regard to the urine issue, do you think he knows what he is doing? Is it a sensory issue? Or is he too into whatever he is doing--sleeping, gaming--to get up and go to the bathroom? My son smeared feces on the walls, too. It was a sensory issue with-him. (Took us forever to figure it out, too!) We use WetWipes now and it really helps. Did he help you to rip out the old carpet? That's part of cause-and-effect. He's got to participate. I have no idea if your son is suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), his biomom's drug use, or Asperger's, or borderline personality disorder, or all of those (!) but it would really help to have a solid diagnosis. I like the advice and info here about insurance; I would definitely follow through about medication care and a diagnosis. Take care! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Support or Advice, I just need help. PLEASE!!
Top