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Support or Advice, I just need help. PLEASE!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 618830" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>You talked about trying to understand how he thinks, how he feels, what he wants for himself. I have spent a lot of time on that too. </p><p></p><p>I don't know about you, but I am directed daily by my work, goals and plans for the day, along with time out for relaxation and things I enjoy doing and daily tasks/responsibilities, like cleaning up the kitchen and making up the bed. I am also directed daily by my overriding vision and purpose for my life and bigger goals about the kind of person I want to be, helping other people, being kind, growing my business, getting my master's degree, etc. </p><p></p><p>I don't think they think like that. And that has been really hard for me to grasp---what is going on inside him. </p><p></p><p>As far as I can tell, my difficult child thinks about what he wants and what he needs, right now. And he seems to spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get what he wants...from other people. I think he spends a lot of time worrying. He is anxious. </p><p></p><p>He has grandiose ideas---I would not call them goals. He always talked about being rich and living in a mansion. </p><p></p><p>I used to absolutely TORTURE myself trying to figure out what makes him tick. I wanted to feel some sort of connection to him, my child. I wanted to believe that we are alike, after all, down where it counts. I was going to UNDERSTAND or die trying. If I could UNDERSTAND, I could say the right combination of words, or take the right actions, that would penetrate his shell and catapult him into corrective action. In short, then I could fix it. </p><p></p><p>Here is what I have concluded about that, for what it's worth.</p><p></p><p>We are never going to understand. Maybe they are just like us but they can't put it into action. Maybe they operate on a whole 'nother set of guidelines and motivations. I know the disease brings with it a lot---it's like a smothering blanket that covers everything. </p><p></p><p>If you can, stop trying to figure him out. When you first taste stopping, even for a short time, it feels like blessed, heavenly relief. It feels so good you will want more of that. That is what I work toward.</p><p></p><p>Letting Go. Letting Go. Letting Go.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 618830, member: 17542"] You talked about trying to understand how he thinks, how he feels, what he wants for himself. I have spent a lot of time on that too. I don't know about you, but I am directed daily by my work, goals and plans for the day, along with time out for relaxation and things I enjoy doing and daily tasks/responsibilities, like cleaning up the kitchen and making up the bed. I am also directed daily by my overriding vision and purpose for my life and bigger goals about the kind of person I want to be, helping other people, being kind, growing my business, getting my master's degree, etc. I don't think they think like that. And that has been really hard for me to grasp---what is going on inside him. As far as I can tell, my difficult child thinks about what he wants and what he needs, right now. And he seems to spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get what he wants...from other people. I think he spends a lot of time worrying. He is anxious. He has grandiose ideas---I would not call them goals. He always talked about being rich and living in a mansion. I used to absolutely TORTURE myself trying to figure out what makes him tick. I wanted to feel some sort of connection to him, my child. I wanted to believe that we are alike, after all, down where it counts. I was going to UNDERSTAND or die trying. If I could UNDERSTAND, I could say the right combination of words, or take the right actions, that would penetrate his shell and catapult him into corrective action. In short, then I could fix it. Here is what I have concluded about that, for what it's worth. We are never going to understand. Maybe they are just like us but they can't put it into action. Maybe they operate on a whole 'nother set of guidelines and motivations. I know the disease brings with it a lot---it's like a smothering blanket that covers everything. If you can, stop trying to figure him out. When you first taste stopping, even for a short time, it feels like blessed, heavenly relief. It feels so good you will want more of that. That is what I work toward. Letting Go. Letting Go. Letting Go. [/QUOTE]
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Support or Advice, I just need help. PLEASE!!
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